hi tanya i hope you're doing well !! i've been catching up on ur blog nd i hope you're okay idk if u remember me but i just wanted to drop by nd say hi (i feel like youre an old friend or something lol) nd tell u that i still think u r a sweetheart!!! and i miss u lots nd that u should put urself before anything else nd take care of urself otherwise ill do it for u ā£ļøšššššššš good luck with the rest of ur semester btw !!!!!!- senflower anon!
I do remember you!! Iām surprised you even remembered the āsenflower anonā honestly ;; I have definitely been doing okay, especially as of late, this is probably the happiest - or closest to happy - Iāve been in a really long time so Iām actually doing really good. Itās been a really long time since Iāve heard from you (a year actually !!) so I hope youāre doing well as well :(
Before I get to the rest, the fact that you just remembered me all of the sudden and wanted to say hi is making me really upset because that is honestly so so sooo sweet oh my god, or maybe I am easily touchedā¦ but nonetheless :(Ā
āotherwise ill do it for u ā£ļøššššššššā this is.. so cute.. I really will cry :( I miss being here too and being able to talk to sweethearts like you so I am excited to eventually truly come back because I want to so so bad, but I just need to take care of something else first I think before my mind feels comfy to really return so I will do my best to take care of myself at least more than I usually do :( And thank you~ I havenāt been the best of students this semester orz but I think I am slowly figuring out what I want to do so I will take the luck youāve wished me and carry it to my next year when Iām hopefully on a path I like more >:[
Also sorry for replying to this over a week late, Tumblr also didnāt even give me a notif for this so I didnāt realize I received it so when I opened my inbox today this was a really pleasant surprise :(
hey tanya how was your trip ?? hopefully u had lots of fun !! n i've read ur tags nd i really hope that u can get past this n i'm here to supply u with lots of love n support !! i want u to know tht u are loved nd cherished by many people (including me obvs !) u are doing so well n it is okay to take ur time nd go at ur own pace ! u are wonderful n lovely n i hope for the best for u me and sehun love u lots !! - senflower anon
Hello~! It was pretty decent; we just lazed around in her house and watched random shows lmao, but I like being very chill and lazy so it was fine with me! Suuuper cold, but I guess thatās what I get for living in Canada :/ It was cute, though, because they have a kitty, and she just likes being around people and if you lie down she comes and sleeps on your belly and itās just :( so :( cute :( She also purrs like a motor, itās amazingā¦ but I digress.
But :((( you are so sweet for actually reading that and then taking the time to cheer me up :((( I wasnāt talking to anyone in particular in those tags, but it still feels nice to be heard and cared for, I guess? So thank you :((( Yesterday was just oddly very gloomy and exhausting, and it hits you even worse when you think youāre doing okay and then it all comes back like,Ā āYou thought.ā But thank you for the little reminder that Iām doing just fine, and though I donāt think Iāll ever completely believe it, as the pessimist I am, itās nice to be reminded every now and then ;; I really am not all that wonderful or lovely, but thank you for loving and thinking so kindly about little olā me :(((
TANYA guess who it is ?? it's senflower anon !! i feel so bad bc i haven't mssgd u in a while how r u ?? u having a nice day ?? have u eaten ? if not i hope u do nd will cutie! i've been so busy lately i've checked up on recent sehun pics nd surprise surprise HE'S JST AS GORGEOUS ND CUDDLY ND TALL AS EVER real emo hours right here :(( he's so cute :((( anyway im not here to rant today i jst wanted to see how u were doing dude !!!!! (i'll come back another day to gush abt him) šššššā£ššš¹šø
HELLO~!! It has been a while ;; BUT DONāT FEEL BAD you have your own things to do, so donāt worry about lil olā me~ I am having a pretty nice day, though! Or well, as nice as my days usually are aka boring but that is better than a bad day //nods// I hope youāre doing well, and hopefully youāre not too busy that youāre overwhelmed ;; and that youāll have time to relax soon, too.
You can gush to me about Sehun any time, you are completely welcome to! Thank you for being such a sweetheart and taking the time to check up on me, though :((( //pats your head//
me when i saw the caption on that b&w pic of sehun's hand: šššāØšššššššš« hjnsbsjsnnns i just love him :(((((( the words were so sweet nd beautiful i do hope they're from the winter album bc if he wrote that himself i m gonna cry my sweet angel he's so lovely i hope he's getting all the rest he needs he's an absolute darling sweetheart nd i don't think my heart can handle it anymore i hope he's having a good day nd he's eating well nd getting sleep š - senflower šø
FIRST OF ALL IāM SO SORRY FOR REPLYING SO LATE I woke up from a very deep and long sleep so my mind wasnāt working properly and then I had to go to work a few hours later orz ;;
But :((( I KNOW :((( When I read the,Ā āWhen things get hard, just hold my hands tightly,ā part my heart literally just :((( got so heavy with love :((( Imagine if he wrote that himself, Iād literally probably cry for a whole day ;; But I feel like theyāre from the winter album? Which either way is adorable, because the fact that he saw those words and thought to post it with that picture on ig for fans is literally the sweetest thing ;; And in his latest posts of him and Chanyeol in Japan, he has the widest, brightest, most genuine smile on his face so it looks like he was really able to get a whole lot of rest and just rejuvenate, so I hope his days have been a lot brighter since then ;; He mustāve been exhausted the last few months, my poor bun, so I can only imagine how much lighter his shoulders must feel now after going out and enjoying himself :(((
oh my god tanya sehun went to universal studios!!! he looked so cute nd happy in his ig posts!!!!! sehun having the time of his life is actually such a great concept my fav he looks so adorable nd he posted lots of pics!!!!! my heart is currently doing flips rn i'm so glad he's enjoying himself nd he got to go!!!!! + he's such a nerd he knows the way to my heart with all of this i lov him to the moon nd back several times wowwwwww - senflower (also this tag u gave me is super duper cute wow ily)
I KNOW, I SAAAW. I heard that he was still in Japan and from that moment I was like,Ā āHe probably went to Universal Studios and heās gonna spam us on ig with pics of him there soon enough,ā AND HE DID EXACTLY THAT. Honestly what a cutie pie :( He said that he wanted to go while at the third day of Osaka and he right done went and took his little tush there as soon as he could, heās honestly the cutest thing :( Itās so cute how him and Chanyeol always go together on little adventures, though; actual best friends :(
Iām so so happy he had so much fun, though, and he got to go and be a little Harry Potter nerd and got himself Harryās wand :((( (fun fact I have Ronās wand because Ron is the best character in Harry Potter, donāt fight me on this) I love whenever Sehun gets all excited he just wants to share his adventures with fans :((( Itās so lovely how he does things like this, though; he even stayed back by himself in Hong Kong because he wanted to see the place and also go back to that place where EXO went once as OT12 :((( WHAT A CUPCAKE :((( God I love him so much, can you believe we stan an actual marshmallow ;;
hiiii tanya it's the anon from the past two days i just read ur recent answer to my ask nd i honestly still feel so emo but ahhhh ur answer jst made my day bc you put into words everything i felt nd u did it much better than me like i jst want to kick my ass sometimes when i hear myself talk abt him lmao but ur words are so sweet and thought out i can't believe u don't see it!! u could write an entire book abt him nd i would jst sit down nd read it nd be like 'why didn't i think of that???' -
- i rly want to improve my wording when it comes to things like this but on another note good luck with ur exam!! nd expect me to show up in ur inbox whenever i need to rant to someone abt sehun!! š«š«š«
ITāS SO CUTE HOW YOU ALWAYS FEEL SO EMO I totally understand that, though. I could just be sitting doing nothing, and Iāll check Twitter out of boredom and Iāll see something of Sehun smiling and then Iām in complete emotional distress for the rest of the day lmao.
(Ā“ā£`ŹĘŖ Iām glad my answer made you happy, though, and I wasnāt just blabbering nonsense for like 7 whole paragraphs ;; But no omg, donāt feel like you need to kick yourself for how you wrote it; you can only write so much because of the character limit for asks so itād be next to impossible to say everything you wanted to say, but I understood your heart, donāt worry ;; And thank you for the kind words as to how I articulate my answers but orz, I think Iām just good at using lots of big fancy words (see: articulate) because Iām pretentious that way, but I feel like Iām lacking when it comes to actually expressing myself :( Plus the fancy words probably get in the way of that sometimes, too orz but as a linguistics major and a girl who loves words a bit too much I get a little carried away.
asjdkf Iām probably legitimately going to write a mini novella on what I love about Sehun soon enough, so you made a good prediction there lmao. I simply talk too much and put an extreme amount of thought into things that I should probably not put that much thought into, so I end up covering every tiny detail and talking in essays orz.
But thank you for wishing me luck! This is the one class Iām struggling in a little, so I definitely need it ;; And I look forward to any time you want to drop by so donāt hesitate alright? //hugs//
hi i'm the anon who ranted to you abt sehun yesterday nd i jst wanted to say i agree with e v e r y t h i n g u said like idk i felt that out of all the sehun stans i've seen u probably are the one i relate to most in terms of how i feel bc i remember when i began stanning him nd it was just like an instant thing nd it never hit me that one day i wld be this invested bc i've stanned a few groups since my exo days but literally none of them have had such an impact on me it feels so crazy to -
- think abt how much iāve grown to love him like heās so motivating for me? he jst lifts my spirits nd when i think abt how heās grown nd changed nd how heās broken out of just being that bratty maknae mould nd has just developed so much (even if some people still hold onto that) like heās gotten more lines, heās gone into acting nd heās become more outspoken nd ITāS SO LOVELYĀ
he rly jst makes me happy nd when i found out he was learning mandarin nd saw how much he practiced nd how proud he would look when he was improving nd how he would look to yixing for approval abt whether he was doing okay nd itās things like that that make me love him even more nd also he cares so much for the fans nd wants them all to have a good time nd to be healthy nd i can literally feel the warmth nd kindness that radiates from him nd heās just such an angel nd heās so cute at concerts bc eās so happy nd gets so into it
oh do you remember that one photo a fan took at a concert or smth where it was kinda blurry but he was like up close and he looked so happy nd he was smiling so much his eyes were crinkled up (kinda vague sorry) nd wow itās one of my favourite photos of him bc he looks so happy nd content nd i can picture it nowĀ
you know sometimes i have so much to say abt him nd sometimes i have no words bc he just leaves me speechless nd heās just my little boost nd seeing him when heās happy nd having fun nd just doing his thing makes my heart flutter nd he turns me into a sap nd i try not to base my happiness just on him but heās just been such a big part of my life nd at this point i think itās not even romantic like u said i jst love him nd want him to be given so much love nd to enjoy himself nd to keep on prospering nd growing as a person ndĀ
wow i canāt believe i wrote that much u donāt need to reply to this if u donāt want to but yh i have so many feelings abt him nd i never rly express myself so thatās what iām doing even if i did jump a lot!!!! i rly love him with all my heart šššššššā¤ļøš SORRY BUT ALSO IāM NOT SORRY BC I NEEDED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST!!
ONCE AGAIN replying under the cut ;; But of course I would reply, why wouldnāt I reply to something this cute :( Also sorry, I just got home a little bit ago so Iām replying now ;;
I totally get that because I in a wayĀ ārandomlyā chose Sehun as my bias back in 2012 (not as shallowly as I made that sound of course ;;) and I wasnāt really that invested in K-pop in general back then, but I wouldāve never thought that I would come to love him the way I do now and definitely not to the magnitude with which I do, either, and itās so interesting to see that? Especially because when I think about how I stanned Sehun before the end of 2014 (which is when I have recently come to discover is the exact moment I fell for Sehun the way that I did and itās only exploded even more since then) I wouldāve never have foreseen this at all? I wasnāt a shallow stan in the sense that I would objectify him or anything like that, but I never really paid that much intense attention to him and I distinctly remember that when I made this blog in April of 2014, until December of 2014 my tags for Sehun were really idkā¦ simple and lacked any indication of depth - not only in wording but in how much thought I even gave to Sehun? Iād just talk about how Sehun was so good looking and that his handsomeness made me upset, and that he was really cute, etc. etc but it was all very shallow. But then after 2014 the way I talked about Sehun and the way I paid attention to Sehun were a lot more soft and starry-eyed. I started to take notice of all these tiny details and I didnāt just look at the bigger picture but the little things that made Sehun who he is, and as I kept peeling back the layers to his personality more and more Iāve come to love him the way I do now, and I just know that there is so much more about him that I have yet to discover so the idea that Iāll love him even moreĀ than I already do is weirdly exciting ;; And I donāt know, but this way of stanning someone is a lot more rewarding to me but I think thatās mostly because of, how I said in my last answer, I was going through really tough times, so for me to find Sehun and to love him and learn about him the way I did and still continue to do was a really bright part of my day and Iām really thankful for it ;;
I LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing just how much heās grown up and become more comfortable with being himself, because when you see debut and near-debut era Sehun he was so much more quiet and shy but now heās so much more confident in himself and heās really shown a lot of his personality and that he really isnāt a brat in any possible sense of the word - but rather completely 180 degrees opposite from it - and it makes me sad that some people still hold onto that idea of him or treat him that way? Sometimes I see the things that people say about Sehun and it just really upsets me because thatās nowhere close to his personality at all and to see an honest to goodness angel be flattened to a 2D character - and an incorrect one at that - and be objectified the way he is just irks me ;; Seeing him get so many lines and ones that are a lot more significant than the nonsense ones like,Ā āNever donāt mind about a thing,ā fills me with so much pride, and not only that but seeing him get more and more opportunities to prove that he really is part of the dance line along with Jongin and Yixing makes me so so happy (like the Beats solo that those three had was just ;;;;; and honestly just in general the way he leads a lot of dances or like in choreographies where they split EXO into three groups and have each of the main dancers lead the groups and Sehun is one of them). And you hear about all of the praises fellow actors/actresses and staff give Sehun for his two movies and you can just tell how genuinely hard-working he is and despite what so many people think, he takes his work extremely seriously, so for him to get twoĀ movies in just one year makes me excited for what more he has in store? I also love that Sehun is one of the ones in EXO that have overall the most popularity and knowing that heās loved so much by so many different people around the world just makes me heart feel so soft ;; It just shows that there really is a lot of him that there is to love and despite what so many people say about him being untalented or this and that, clearly he has a huge supportive backing for a reason.
HIM LEARNING MANDARIN has got to be one of my most favourite things, not only because heās doing it to be able to communicate with fans (especially because out of all the members other than Yixing Sehun has the most Chinese fans), but because it shows that he has such a genuine interest in the world and other cultures and he honestly really enjoys those kinds of things? Which was also really evident in the fact that he stayed back in Hong Kong by himself so that he could travel around ;; But he honestly has one of the biggest adoration for fans, and he might not be as outspoken about it the way Baekhyun is, but you can feel the love radiate off him when he interacts with them or even with the fact that he literally will like their posts on Weibo or Twitter, and not even ones that are really big (like fantakens of him) but little posts by fans that were, say, excited to get his photocard in their album - which just shows that he really is interested in his fans outside of concerts and such and I find that so so sweet ;; AND I DO KNOW WHAT PICTURE YOUāRE TALKING ABOUT that is legitimately one of my most favourite photos, too, I had it as my phone background for almost a whole year and I felt so guilty when I changed it (even though I was literally changing it to another Sehun photo) ;; But exactly, little things like that just make me love him more and more because it shows what a kind and genuine soul he really is, and I can honestly say heās one of the most genuine idols? Of course thereās parts of him we wonāt know (and donāt need to because he deserves privacy, too) but none of what he does show to fans is fake or exaggerated in the sense that he really is just that loving and soft :(
Iām gonna stop talking about those things before I start sounding repetitive from my last answer to you orz but exactly, though. Itās not as much that I baseĀ my happiness on him but rather he just happens to be one of the main sources of happiness for me because as I said in my last answer he was a constant bit of sunshine when I was going through a really tough time so naturally heās become such a huge part of my life, and I canāt helpĀ but to be taken over by an uninhibited happiness whenever I just catch a glimpse of him because heās a reminder of those times when I was sad, he was always there to make me feel better, and just in general that heās someone that Iāve genuinely come to love a lot in a way that I havenāt loved anyone before? So I know that whenever I move on from this whole thing that Sehun will always linger in a special place in my heart and whenever I see him Iāll be reminded of sunshine and a special period of time in my youth ;;
This probably once again sounds like a complete and utter mess with a lot of things left unsaid orz but I think itās safe to say that you and I feel an infinite percent the exact same way for Sehun and itās just really comforting to know that Iām not the only one ;;
okay tanya i'm going to ramble abt sehun to you bc i'm feeling v emo right now so everytime i think abt sehun i can feel myself blushing like my heart grows so much nd he's so lovely nd sweet nd he truly is like a star he just glows so brightly nd everything abt him makes me want to give him hugs nd wrap him up in blankets nd talk to him abt his day nd give him the world nd more but i still feel like it wouldn't enough like?? everything abt him just gives me the warmest feeling and it makes -
- me feel so giddy nd lovestruck nd jst completely in awe nd he jst keeps on making me smile nd my love for him jst grows nd grows nd his smile is literally made of everything good in this world nd i kno heās not perfect but it!! literally!! makes!! me!! love!! him!! more!! he works so hard nd he has so much love to give nd my little emo ass has so much love to give too even tho i feel so distant from everything sometimes he brings me back to reality nd jst makes me the happiest likeĀ person in the world!! like i didnāt think my love for him could grow anymore but it does everyday like i could write him a million poems nd love letters nd nothing could ever amount to how i feel he is just such a constant for me?? when everything feels like itās unsteady i can calm myself by watching vids or seeing gifs or photos i jst hope he can rest for a bit i jst want him TO BE HAPPY ND HEALTHY ND RESTED ND ENJOYING HIMSELF OKAY RANT OVER sorry for going on like that!!!!!!!
Iām gonna answer this under a cut BUT BEFORE I DO, OH MY GOODNESS, LET ME JUST TELL YOU when I read your message I started smiling so sososo soaosifj aisdf so much, this is the absolute cutest thing I have ever received!! Just seeing someone gushing over him the way you did and knowing you feel literally 1000000000000000000000000000000% the exactĀ same way I do is just :(((
Before I even start, I feel like I need to apologize in advance for probably replying like hours late because like I said in my askbox, if you ask me something about Sehun I need some time to settle down and get my thoughts straight because he just gives me so many feelings and thereās so many things going through my mind and itās just this huge jumble of thoughts that donāt know how to organize themselves because I love him so so so much and my heart and my mind and every single part of me doesnāt even know what to do with itself and then I blank out for a little bit because my mind goes in overdrive and needs a little break and I have to find my words again and JUST :((( But Iām sure you understand that feeling ;; But moving on:
To start off, I completely understand what you mean when you say your heart just grows and he gives you the warmest feeling and makes you feel all giddy and lovestruck ;; I feel like itās odd to feel that way about someone whoās halfway across the world and doesnāt even and probably will never know of your existence but every time I see him (especially when he smiles or does something cute or looks all dashing and handsome or I read about something he did or heās dancing or just talking or ā oh what am I talking about; any time I see Sehun period) it feels like my heartbeats are running a marathon and that my heart is about to burst out of my chest because itās all just too much to handle ;; And I know that sounds totally obsessive if youāre someone whoās a casual fan and isnāt as emotionally invested, but it really isnāt that at all? Itās just this really pure, honest, uninhibited happiness that canāt help but to take over your whole heart and soul and every fiber of your being ;; Every time you see him you smile and you can feelĀ the love in your eyes? Idk how to explain that exactly orz but I hope you know what I mean ;; Your heart just feels so warm and itās like youāre soaring above the clouds in complete bliss and thereās just this really niceā¦ airy? feeling where youāre the embodiment of happiness. And you feel that way even if heās doing the most nondescript thing, because itās something that is a part of who Sehun is and to you Sehun is filled with all the things you love so you canāt help but to just be completely overwhelmed no matter what ;;
I used to always think that I couldnāt love Sehun any more than I already do but heās proved me wrong countless upon countless numbers of times that at this point I just let my love for him grow 100-fold every single day without even blinking, because thatās just what Sehun does :( He honestly is so lovely, godā¦ just so so lovely? I wish I could write about every single part of Sehun that I love and every single part of his personality that makes him who he is, but goodness that would take ages and this would be such an incredibly long answer (as if it already isnāt) ;; But when you said,Ā āI could write him a million poems and love letters but nothing could ever amount to how I feel,ā I UNDERSTAND THAT SO MUCH OMG. Some time in March I think, someone asked me what it was that I loved about Sehun - and me being someone who refuses to just answer in a small paragraph because thereās just too much to cover - took literally probably three weeks to write up an almost 6000-word essay as to why I love him (literally check the word count on my answer ;; itās like 5700 words or something orz) but even thatĀ didnāt feel like enough? I had to cut some stuff out because it was so incredibly long but it stillĀ turned out to be basically a whole dissertation. And I look back on it from time to time and (other than wishing I wrote it better) thereās so so many more things that I wish I couldāve written down or fleshed out more because heās such a wonderful human being in every possible way and I honestly really want to go back and rewrite it with every possible thing I can think of without holding back ;;Ā
Heās so soft and kindhearted and sweet, and just genuinely a nice and considerate person, incredibly patient and honestly so much more intelligent than I think people give him credit for; heās also got a subtle confidence to himself while at the same time being the absolute shyest most easily-embarrassed toddler, he might be 6-foot tall but heās actually just a tiny baby who wants to be loved and to love others; he works so hard and quietly without ever bringing any attention to himself, heās so humble and whenever people try to compliment him or bring him into the spotlight he usually makes sure that he isnāt the center of attention or heās smiling so sweetly and softly because he feels so honoured to have kind words said to him but he stillĀ never lets the attention linger on him; heās always grateful to every single person around him, he loves his fans dearly (probably one of the ones in EXO that adores his fans the most) and he probably loves EXO and the members more than anyone including the members themselves do; heās amazing at dancing no matter what people say, he never lets anything get him down and just quietly improves on himself to be the best he possibly could be; he loves to travel and get to know other places and cultures and he loves talking to people and learning about them, he values loyalty the most and you can see that in the way he treats the members, the stores and places he visits frequently (heās always close to the owners ;;) and even to the staff that work on his movie sets -he literally will make sure that every person heās ever encountered knows that theyāre important and he cherishes everything they do for him; he always wants to help others and everyone who ever encounters Sehun only has the utmost respect and kind words for him and just I could go on forever with probably 5 million examples but Iāll stop here ;; He definitely isnāt perfect, no human being or thing ever really is, but heās honestly perfect the exact way he is and I love him for all of the things that he is and in spite of others and all of the things heās not - I just love Sehun. Thereās parts of him that Iām sure plenty of people share with him but in the end he is filled with everything that is good in the world and heās my kind of perfect :(
āEverything about him makes me want to give him hugs and wrap him in a blanket and talk about his day and give him the world and more but even that doesnāt feel like enough,ā GOODNESS DO I EVER KNOW THAT FEELING :( Iāve always said that if I ever had a chance to meet Sehun Iād just take him to a coffee shop and let him talk about absolutely anything and everything he ever wanted, about his worries and anger, about his happiness and triumphs, what he wants to improve on and what he feels confident in himself about - literally anything and everything? Itās honestly the purest feeling ;; Heās just so soft :( I want to do everything in my power to protect him and keep him safe from all the negative things but sadly I cannot :(
DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT HIS SMILE thatās literally my absolute most favourite part about him and itās not even the physical aspects of his smile (thought I of course love every single one of those too ;;) but the innocence and purity and genuineness that it holds within it is such a perfect reflection of who he is as a person, too? If you can notice all the details of Sehunās smile - not just the physical ones but the other characteristics as well as all the types of smiles he has - Ā youād be able to read exactly what kind of person Sehun is and I think thatās what I love about his smile the most ;;
āHeās such a constant for me when everything else feels so unsteady,ā :((( he really is, isnāt he? Heās the one thing in my life that was going right, and while I was going through really hard times and wanting to end myself, I would always think about Sehun and I was reminded that there was something good in the world that could give me happiness, and I would hold it off for one more day ;; Not that the people I knew in real life like my friends and family were bad, but itās just different because the people you see everyday - you feel like they hold expectations over you and it just brings you down because you donāt want to disappoint them. But with Sehun there was none of that? I could just love him freely and happily without having to worry about anything and it was the one thing I could do right in a sense? He was just always the best part of my day, and even now when my life is finally starting to find its path, Sehun was the one who made sure I got to this point because I know if I didnāt have him I most likely wouldnāt even be here right now, so heās just so incredibly special to me? And Iāve said it a million times before, but I really donāt understand what it means to love someone because thatās always been such a foreign concept to me, and the word love had simultaneously no meaning to me but also all the meaning in the world that I couldnāt bare to spare it for anybody because I just didnāt know what it meant to use it, but when it came to Sehun it just keeps spilling out without any sign of stopping and I just really.. genuinely.. love him? Not romantically (though I will not lie and say I do have a little crush on him ;; but itās hard not to :/) but just this really genuine love, and he literally is the only person Iāve ever said,Ā āI love you,ā to (or well not toĀ since heās not right there but either way) without feeling like my insides were writhing with discomfort (because truthfully I really canāt say those three words to anybody without feeling weirdly gross inside, itās hard to explain ;;) and heās just always going to be that person that holds that title and just :((( man now all my words are trailing off to a sea of sadness but a good kind of sadness because I really do love him with all my heart and I canāt find the words anymore ;
Ugh, man, this is literally all over the place and Iām not even going to try to make sense of it all so Iām sorry to whoever reads this and also just know that my feelings are infinitely more expansive than what Iāve said here and if you gave me a chance and maybe a month Iād be able to flesh it out completely but for now ;;
BUT :(( DONāT BE SORRY I understand that overwhelming need to get your feelings out, donāt worry ;; and this message made me smile so much and I think youāre one of the few people that I know of that understands what I feel to the T ;;
