Although I still struggle to comprehend that I had autism as a child and it was ignored, it explains why I appear and behave indifferently and remote, and why I have difficulty with creating strong emotional bonds.
It also explains why I have unusual responses to sensory experiences. It explains my lack of responsiveness during social interactions, abnormalities in the use of gestures, my facial expressions and lack of eye contact.
I have taught myself how to interact, but still struggle in certain social interactions and with social cues, particularly when starting conversations. I find it easier to interact when someone else starts a conversation and struggle with eye contact for any length of time. I have restricted and repetitive behaviours, things need to be routine and similar.
Those restricted and repetitive behaviours interfere with my current functioning, daily life and my relationships, in ways I could never have foreseen, or understood. It inhibits others who find it difficult to work with how I am, because of my lack of spontaneity, awkwardness around social cues.
My sensory world is easy for me, but my awkwardness can make things difficult for others. Autism continues to interfere, it challenges me, my thinking and my daily routine. Difficulties in organising and planning, limit my ability to be completely physically and mentally independent.
Difficulty in dealing with change through autism interferes with me functioning in all contexts and can make my anxiety through autism much worse.
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