When We Touch
Summary: You separated yourself from society years ago. With just a simple graze of the skin, you could see what someone was afraid of the most. At times, it became too much. After some convincing though, Bucky talked you into moving into the New Avengers Tower. While there, you met Bob, who wasn't that much different from you. Things changed, however, when you discovered that you could touch him.
Pairing: Bob Reynolds × enhanced!f!reader
Word Count: 9.1k
Warnings: Anxiety, anxiety meds, panic attacks, self-deprecating, angst, hurt/comfort, and Bob being inside his head
A/N: Phew, this is the longest one-shot that I have ever written haha. I looove Bob so much and loved creating the reader-insert Terror. There's a chance that this might have a part two, but we'll see... I hope you all enjoy!
Main Masterlist | AO3
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A knock on the door. A minute of silence. Another knock on the door. Maybe if you don’t move, they’ll go away.
“I know you’re in there.”
You rolled your eyes, groaning as you slammed your book shut and pushed yourself up from your cozy position on the couch. He really picked the best times to drop by.
Unlocking the door, you opened it to find Bucky Barnes leaning against the frame, an annoyed expression already plastered across his face. That had to be a new record. You hadn’t even said anything yet.
“Can I help you?” You muttered as you turned back into the room, heading towards the record player that was softly playing Litvinovsky. It was hard to appreciate the relaxing melodies when a hundred-and-something-year-old was about to give some kind of lecture, though he swears he’s not the lecture giving type.
Bucky rolled his eyes as he stepped inside your cabin, pulling the door closed behind him. “Nice to see you, too,” you heard him grumble under his breath.
After turning the record player off, you fished a lighter out from a drawer and headed back to the couch. You sat down, leaning forwards to light the candle that sat on the coffee table. “Hope you like sandalwood. It’s all I got left.”
Sitting in the chair that sat diagonally from you, Bucky watched you carefully. You could feel his eyes raking over you, silently checking for any sign that something was wrong. “How’ve you been?” His voice was clear from any annoyance now, making you deflate slightly as you leaned back into the couch, tucking your feet under you.
The question lingered in the air for a moment too long for Bucky’s liking. You didn’t look physically hurt, but he knew better than most that the worst pain always came from inside. Living in isolation wasn’t exactly the best medicine for that either.
Eventually, your eyes locked with his. “I told you that you didn’t have to keep checking on me, Bucky.” If he didn’t know you, he would’ve missed the plea in your voice. Leave me alone.
“Besides,” your voice was lighter now, like a switch was suddenly flipped, “I’m sure Congressman Barnes has more important things on his agenda than keeping a promise for his old best friend.”
He raised a brow, scoffing. “I take it you haven’t watched the news?” Bucky questioned, dropping the subject for now. He’d work his way back to it later, when you were ready to talk.
Opening the book you were previously reading back up, you shook your head. “Me and news do not mix. News leads to bad news and bad news leads to me being anxious and me being anxious leads to, well, you know.” A lightbulb went off in your head then, making you disregard the book yet again.
Bucky watched as you jumped up from your seat and scurried towards the bathroom. “Speaking of, I need more chill pills!” You called out to him.
Once you returned, you showed him the bottle, shaking it to prove that you were, in fact, nearly out. “Remind me to call for a pharmacy delivery before you leave,” you sat the bottle on the table before sitting back down. “Which should be soon, by the way.”
A sigh left Bucky’s lips, forewarning you that something was coming. Something not good. “I actually came here to ask you something,” he got up from his seat to sit next to you. You pulled your sleeves over your hands, a movement that had become second nature.
“I’m not going out with you,” you quickly spat out, earning an airy chuckle out of Bucky.
“You wish,” he quipped back. Then the amusement that decorated his features left as soon as they appeared. “I want you to move into the tower. Avengers tower. With me… and a few others.”
You sat quietly for a moment, his request registering in your mind as you pieced it all together. He had to be joking. But he wouldn’t joke about something like this. Not to you.
Your mouth opened and closed a few times as you gathered your thoughts. “Avengers? I thought… aren’t you supposed to be on Congress?” You finally asked, still reveling in the new information. The Avengers haven’t been a thing in years. Maybe you should watch the news.
Bucky ran a hand over his face as he leaned back into the couch more comfortably. “That is… a long story. I’ll tell you all about it on the way there.” He draped his arms on the back of the couch, blowing a raspberry.
It still didn’t make sense. “Are you asking me to be an Avenger?” Not even Steve offered that position to you. He knew better than that.
Bucky shook his head. “Oh, no, no, no. No,” he clarified as he sat back up. “I just thought that being around a group of screw ups would do you some good.”
He had meant for that to be a joke, but judging by the look on your face, it didn’t land. “I can’t.” You shook your head, curling in on yourself. Why would he ask you to do that when he knew?
“You can’t keep living like this. No one can go as long as you have without some sort of human interaction. And I don’t count.” Bucky tried, doing his best to make it sound lighter than it was. He needed you to be okay, and it would be so much easier for him—and you—if he could always have his eyes on you. A monthly visit wasn’t enough. It couldn’t be. He could see it on your face, even when you tried to hide it.
Tears tried to escape from the corners of your eyes, but you refused to let them slip, not in front of him. “I can’t, Bucky. You don’t understand. If I hurt someone—”
“You won’t. I’m just asking you to move in, not to be part of the team. I just thought it’d be better than living all alone out in the middle of nowhere.” Bucky’s hand inched towards you, wanting to provide reassurance, but decided against it for your sake.
There was a reason why you isolated yourself. To stop seeing the visions. To prevent yourself from hurting someone that didn’t deserve it. That’s why Steve set you up here, because he understood. You never could grasp why he wanted to help you, or why he sent you Bucky when he left. It was better off that you stayed here.
But you missed being around people in some kind of capacity. Even when you could no longer touch them. You missed being a part of life.
You missed not being so lonely.
“Okay.”
As soon as your feet hit the ground, you already regretted your decision. Your chest tightened as you stared at the tower before you, your breathing picking up slightly.
You need to leave. You need to leave. You need to leave.
“Hey.” Bucky’s voice pulled you back into the real world. He lightly placed his hand on your back, offering a reassuring smile. “You’re okay.”
Taking a deep breath, you nodded. You could do this. You could do this.
You followed Bucky inside, eyes observing the place as you went. It was weird to think that the original Avengers used to stay here all those years ago. Now you lived here. Steve would’ve gotten a kick out of it.
The elevator’s doors opened, beckoning the two of you inside. This was really happening. You just couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or not yet.
Once the doors opened back up, you were met with a large living area, complete with its own bar. The view outside looked breathtaking just from the elevators. Your internal scale was starting to tip towards the good thing side.
Not even a few steps out of the elevator, a large man came out of nowhere to greet you. “Ah-ha! You must be the ‘Terror’ Bucky has told us about!” He welcomed, a cheerful smile on his face.
With a furrowed brow, you shot Bucky a look, who was already pinching the bridge of his nose. You haven’t heard the ‘Terror’ name in years. Hopefully, the name wouldn’t stick… again.
“I am the Red Guardian,” the man continued with grandiosity, oblivious to the sudden tension that sat between your shoulders. “But you may have the privilege of calling me Alexei Shostakov.” Before you could react, he grabbed your hand to shake it.
Standing in a crowd of people and you are just one of them. Nothing more. None of them know who are, or what you have done for them. You will never mean anything to them.
You will mean nothing to your little devushki.
A small gasp left your lips as you pulled your hand away from him. “Sorry,” you were almost breathless, pulling your sleeves down to cover your hands. It had been a while since you last dealt with the visions. You almost forgot how they felt. “I’m not really big into touching.”
Bucky’s eyes were glued on you, waiting for the bomb to go off. You just offered him a small smile, letting him know that you were okay. You could handle it.
Alexei raised his hands up in the air. “My apologies, Miss Terror.” Then his face lit up. “Come, come! You must let me introduce you to the others.”
“Maybe she should settle in first, Alexei.” Bucky came to your rescue. He was already filling out his role as overprotective big brother. You were grateful, but you shook your head.
“No, I’d like to meet everyone. I’m sure Alexei can take me to my room afterwards,” you said, surprising Bucky. His eyes raked over your face, making sure that you were actually good with it, before the corners of his mouth twitched upwards as he nodded in understanding.
After the okay from the boss, Alexei took you on a grand tour of the tower. He showed you the bar, the balcony, the lab, the area with a huge sectional couch with a nicely sized TV, the training room, and a whole lot of other rooms that you’re not even sure what to call.
In the training room was where he introduced you to none other than John Walker, who was accompanied by a woman named Ava Starr. You had heard about Walker’s trial run as Cap from Bucky, and it took all your willpower to not call him the “Great Value brand Captain America.” Bucky said he was still sensitive about it. Ava seemed cool though.
You cringed as Alexei introduced you as the Terror, both John and Ava sharing a look of amusement. Yeah, looks like the name was sticking.
A word barely left your mouth before Alexei was already dragging you to the next room, his eagerness evident in his movements. He took you into a gaming room, which had an impressively sized air hockey table that was currently occupied by a man and woman.
The woman, you find out, is Yelena Belova, who happened to also be Alexei’s daughter. She gave you a friendly wave before turning her attention back to the game at hand. The feeling from earlier returned to your chest as you watched the way he looked at her so lovingly and proudly. His devochka.
“And this here,” Alexei gestured to the man on the other side of the table, thankfully taking you out of your head. “Is the great, the all-powerful… Sentry!” His voice boomed, making you flinch slightly.
Yelena scored, giving the man a chance to speak. “Actually, it’s, uh, it’s just Bob,” he corrected with a shy smile. “Sentry was kind of a… one-time thing.”
You smiled back at him. “Hi, Bob,” you greeted warmly. He waved awkwardly, opening his mouth to say something else, but was distracted by Yelena continuing the game.
Alexei, once again, lead you out of the room, going on about how you must see the kitchen. You couldn’t help but smile softly to yourself as you listened to him blather on about something with a Wheaties box. He’s a little overstimulating, you admitted, but it was also like a breath of fresh air. You didn’t realize how much you missed this; being around people.
As you rounded the corner, your thoughts were interrupted as you collided with what practically felt like a wall of muscle. “Careful.” You recognized the voice as Walker’s as he steadied you, your hand accidentally grabbing onto his bare arm for balance.
You are nothing like him. You are a failure. Everyone sees you, not as America’s hero, but as the man with the bloody shield. Lamar is dead. Olivia is gone. Your son is gone.
You will never see them again.
“Stop!” The cry left your lips as you ripped yourself away from Walker’s grasp. John backed away from you, raising his hands in surrender.
“Okay… What’s her deal?” John questioned, looking to Alexei with a raised brow. The tightness in your chest returned, stronger this time. You closed your eyes, willing it to go away.
“She has a ‘no touching’ thing, I don’t know,” Alexei whispered with a shrug. John’s lips formed an ‘o’ as he nodded, giving you a once over before carefully walking around you to continue on his way.
When you opened your eyes, you took a deep breath, your nails digging into your palms. “Alexei, I would like to go to my room now. Please.”
He did as you asked with no hesitation and took you to where Bucky had already set you up. Alexei informed you where his own room was should you need him for anything and bid you farewell.
You wasted no time in locking yourself inside, your back hitting the door as you slid down it to the floor and took out your anxiety meds. The visions were worse than you remembered. It was hard to believe that there was a time where you could handle them. Well, at least better than this anyways. Maybe you over did it today. You needed to ease yourself back into it. Yeah, that’d help.
Hopefully.
For the next few days, you stayed locked up in your room, much to Bucky’s protest. The reason you were here was so you wouldn’t be alone anymore.
Time was what you needed right now. Bucky understood that. Baby steps.
Now, you were currently laying on your bed, staring up at the ceiling while Mozart played soothingly in the background. You wouldn’t admit it to Bucky, but you were starting to get stir crazy. Your eyes glanced over to the clock, reading 2:12 AM.
It was late. You should just go to sleep. That would be the healthy thing to do.
But everyone else was probably already asleep. Leaving the tower to just you.
Slowly, you crept out of your room and headed towards the common area. There seemed to be no sign of life as you journeyed through the halls all the way to the balcony.
Below, you could hear the nocturnal life of the city. The sound was soothing to your ears as your eyes took in all the lights, the night air causing goosebumps to rise across your arms despite the hoodie you wore.
As you stepped back inside, something on the upper level caught your eye. Curiosity took control of your body as you made your way to it. It was just a lounge chair and side table that was accompanied by a small stack of books, a desk lamp, and some leftover trash.
You sat down, leaning back into it. It was comfy. Your hand reached out to turn on the lamp, the soft glow adding to the cozy atmosphere. The light brought your attention back to the books.
After scanning through the titles, you picked the one that looked the most promising. You thumbed through the pages, inhaling its comforting scent.
“That’s a good one.”
A yelp escaped your lips as you jumped, the book falling to the floor. Your head snapped up to look at the source of the voice, meeting Bob’s own startled figure.
“Sorry!” Bob apologized before cringing at the volume of his voice. “Sorry,” he lowered it to a whisper now. “I, uh, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Letting out a breath, you shook your head. “No, no, it’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting anyone else to be up,” you laughed awkwardly.
Bob scratched the back of his neck, forcing a laugh that rivaled yours in awkwardness. “I couldn’t sleep. So, I came out here to… get my mind off… things,” he admitted with a barely-there smile.
You nodded. “This is a comfy place,” you commented, your eyes drifting down to the book that laid abandoned on the floor. “Sorry for throwing your book though.” You leaned forward to reach for it.
“Oh, no, I got it,” Bob told you as he bent down to grab it at the same time. You barely had time to react, inhaling a sharp breath as you braced yourself when he touched your hand.
…
Nothing.
No vision. No fear. Nothing.
Your eyes locked onto where Bob was still touching your hand, who was too scared to move as if he’d somehow hurt you otherwise. It didn’t make sense. Why weren’t you seeing his fear? This hasn’t happened not even once since you got your powers. How was this happening?
“Are… you okay?” Bob questioned, slowing retreating his hand as his eyes glanced around, looking for what was causing you to act like this suddenly.
The question brought you out of your trance, blinking up at him. “I…” You stood up abruptly, making Bob flinch in surprise. “I’m pretty tired. See you around.” Bob didn’t get a chance to respond before you were already out of sight.
Did he say something wrong?
Something wasn’t right.
That had never happened before. Why did it happen now? It’s never been something that you could control; always against your will.
Your mind had been spiraling ever since Bob touched your hand last night. No one has been able to touch you without their fear taking over your every sense since you were thirteen. Why could Bob?
Was he somehow the only exception?
Or did it go away?
You shot up on your bed. Could it have? Is it just gone? Did you just “grow out of it” or something?
There was only one way to find out.
Quickly, you went out into the hall, eyes bouncing around for a possible target. It was about midday, so there was no telling where everyone was, if they were even home.
Luckily, you found Ava rooting around in the kitchen for something for lunch. You haven’t spoken to her, not unless you count Alexei’s embarrassing introduction. She’d have to do.
“There it is,” you announced yourself as you reached for your coffee mug that just so happened to be in front of Ava. As you went to grab it, you pretended to trip over your feet and grabbed onto Ava’s hand for support.
Pain.
So. So. Much. Pain.
“Hey!” Ava pulled her hand out of your grasp, looking you up and down with a glare. “Watch it.” Without another word, she walked out the kitchen, leaving you with her pain.
It still worked. You saw her fear. It was a long, long shot, but you couldn’t help but feel at least a smidge of hope that you were right. That only left one answer.
Bob.
It didn’t take you long to find him. He was just sitting on the sectional couch, absentmindedly flipping through channels, nothing holding his interest for long. Nerves clawed up your throat as you thought about what you should say. You’ve never had to deal with this before. Where was Bucky when you needed him?
“Hi, Bob,” you called out, maybe just a little bit too loudly. Nonetheless, it got his attention, a small smile gracing his lips.
“Hi,” Bob greeted, laying the remote down. He watched you as he waited for you to continue, his eyes uncomfortably glancing to the TV as the silence stretched out.
Might as well get it over with. “I was wondering, um, if I could ask you a really weird question?” You rounded the couch, making sure there was enough space between you before you sat down.
Bob slowly nodded, so you went on. “Can I,” this was so stupid, “can I see your hand for a second?”
He blinked at you for a moment. “…why?”
“I just need to see something really quick. But you don’t have to do it if it makes you uncomfortable.” You scooted back some, giving him more space. He had to think that you were crazy by now.
After a minute of hesitation, Bob offered out his hand and you took that as a yes. You gently grabbed it, again bracing yourself.
Nothing. Again.
How?
“Do you… see anything?” You asked, looking up at him to search for any signs that you accidentally turned it against him. That was the only other explanation, but his eyes were normal. Not black.
Bob shook his head. “No…” Then his expression completely shifted into something else entirely as his hand tensed in your grip. “Do you?”
It was your turn to be confused. Why would you be seeing something?
“No.” You shook your head, noting how he immediately relaxed at your answer. Nothing was making sense now. Your focus shifted back to your hands. Something inside you didn’t want to let go, longing for this closeness that you never thought you’d get again.
He was the one that pulled away. “Are you okay?” His voice held the kind of concern that you only heard from Bucky these days.
You let out a sigh. “I’m not sure,” you answered honestly. Why you did, you don’t exactly know. Everything was so confusing right now.
Again, before Bob could get a word out, you were gone. What was going on?
It wasn’t until the next night when Bob saw you again. He was in the kitchen, having finally found the motivation to do the dishes; it was time that he did something useful.
You didn’t register him at first as you padded in, your eyes scanning around for something. When they finally landed on him, you paused. Bob wasn’t exactly sure what was going on between the two of you, but he did his best to not let his mind wander. That was why he was busying himself with the dishes.
“Have you seen Bucky?” You asked, fiddling with the ends of your sleeves. Your mind seemed to be preoccupied. It probably had something to do with what happened yesterday if Bob had to guess.
“They went to go meet Val I think.” Bob answered, using his forearm to brush some of his hair out of his face, his hands wet with water and dish soap. “Yelena said they’d be back later.”
Nodding, he watched as your eyes drifted to the still half full sink. “Do you want some help?”
The question took you both by surprise. You looked shocked that it came out of your mouth. After the whole weird hand thing, Bob thought that you were trying to avoid him for some reason. He’s been trying to figure out what he did wrong, but maybe he was just overthinking everything. Again.
“Uh, yeah, sure.” He scooted over to give you some room. “I wash, you dry?”
You offered him a small smile, rolling up your sleeves as you slid in beside him. The two of you silently fell into a rhythm after that, with him washing off the grime on the dishes—a few of them a bit concerning—and you drying and stacking them. It felt… nice.
The sound of the clanking dishes filled the silence between you, creating a soothing atmosphere. Bob couldn’t help but spare a few glances your way, a question on the tip of his tongue. Hopefully he wouldn’t screw it up.
“So… why do they call you Terror?” Bob tried his best to make it sound nonchalant, forcing his gaze to stay on the stubborn spaghetti sauce stain on one of the plates.
When you didn’t answer right away, Bob internally kicked himself. He should’ve just kept his mouth shut.
However, you just let out a small huff, shaking your head. “It’s just some stupid code name SHIELD had for me,” you shrugged. “Steve would call me it as a joke and Bucky just ran with it.”
Bob’s brows raised up in surprise. “Steve as in the original Captain America, Steve?” He didn’t know how you knew Bucky, but he certainly didn’t think it was because you were mutual friends with the Captain America.
You nodded, smiling softly. “Yeah, he… helped me. Got me out of a bad situation.” Bob noted as your face fell for a brief moment, your movements nearly non-existent on drying the dishes as you contemplated something. “I… When people touch me, I can see their fears. And if I wanted to, I could paralyze them with it.”
The realization kicked in then, Bob’s mind going back to you holding his hand. He swallowed hard. “Did you—”
“It doesn’t work on you,” you cut him off immediately. Your eyes locked with his. “For some reason, I can’t see your fear. I haven’t been able to touch anyone without seeing their fear since I was thirteen, not until I met you.” You turned away, picking back up where you left off with the dishes.
“Oh,” was all Bob could manage to say. It was the only thing he could think to say. That was why you were acting weird. You didn’t hate him after all. A tension he didn’t realize he was holding fell away from his shoulders. That was good.
Neither of you said anything for the next few minutes, letting your words sink in fully. The atmosphere felt a bit more suffocating now, more questions hanging in the air. What was Bob supposed to do with this information? What were you going to do with it? This was why he didn’t do the dishes.
“Your turn,” you finally spoke, tossing your dish towel on the counter. “Why did Alexei call you Sentry?” You spared him a glance before taking the stacked dishes and started putting them up in the cabinets.
A nervous chuckle bubbled out of Bob’s throat. “It, uh, it’s a long story.” He tried to brush it off, but when he went to hand you another bowl, he found you staring at him expectantly. Well, it was only fair he guessed. “It was the name of the serum that gave me... godlike... powers,” he swallowed.
It was your turn to be surprised. “Okay, that sounds awesome,” you laughed. Bob tried to laugh with you, but it came out sounding more like he was being strangled, which you picked up on immediately. “Why was it a one-time thing?”
Bob grabbed one of the hand towels to dry his hands and to have something to fiddle with as he sighed. “I can’t be Sentry without risking a... darker part of me... coming out.” There was no way in hell that he’d chance that happening again. Not if he could help it.
You reached out then, your hand hesitating just before you could touch his arm. He didn’t dare to move, not wanting to scare you off. Eventually, you lightly grabbed his arm, giving him a comforting squeeze. Though, Bob felt that the action was more for you than it was him.
Before you could say whatever was on your mind, the sound of the elevators opening stopped you, followed by the cacophony of annoyed and exasperated voices. You pulled your hand back, pulling your sleeves down.
Bob’s gaze never left where your hand used to be.
Bucky noticed that there was something going on between you and Bob over the next couple weeks. On the days when you decided to leave your room, you always seemed to gravitate towards Bob. It was nice to see you finally engage with someone that wasn’t him, but he couldn’t help but feel that something else was at play.
He knew better than to say anything. God, did he know. As soon as he said something, you would cut yourself off. You didn’t like for anyone to get too close. It was a self-preservation tactic that you had developed years ago, before you even met Steve. No one could blame you though.
Besides, you looked… happier. And he couldn’t risk screwing with that.
You knew Bucky knew something was different. It was in the way his eyes would narrow every time you started laughing at whatever with Bob, the subtle smile that would form across his lips. You were grateful he didn’t question you about it. When you felt it was right, you’d tell Bucky about your discovery. Until then, it was just a secret between you and Bob.
Your relationship with Bob grew stronger every day. There was no fear aching in your bones while you were near him. You didn’t have to worry about not touching him or accidentally hurting him. It felt like a breath of fresh air.
By befriending Bob, you also vaguely befriended Yelena by association. She was funny and surprisingly kind. There was a special platonic bond between her and Bob, something that you could obviously see that Bob held close to his heart. Whatever they went through, it welded them together, which you secretly admired.
Throughout the next few weeks, you learned a lot about each other. Bob told you about his past addictions and how they drove him to signing up for the clinical trials. He also told you about how he’d have a high followed by a low and how he’d have a lapse in his memory afterwards. You confided in him about how everyone’s fears would seep into your skin as if they were your own, how you were terrified of accidentally hurting someone because you couldn’t always control it. He felt like your missing twin flame.
Neither of you had a good relationship with your parents, though you’re sure he won that one. Bob said very little about them when it was brought up, but you could feel that there was a trauma there that would unfortunately be forever forged into his soul. It made you feel better about your situation.
Bob was so confused by you. Nothing could’ve prepared him for you. You were just so… different than him. But you were also just the same. He couldn’t wrap his head around it.
Somehow, you understood how his mind worked. You just met each other over a month ago, but it felt like you’ve known each other for years. It was almost scary how well you could read him. Maybe you were more alike than he thought. For your sake, he hoped he was wrong.
Then today happened.
The two of you were playing with some Uno cards you had brought with you at the kitchen table. Everything was going fine, even as you laughed when you drew another draw four card—he was sure you were hiding them up your sleeves at this point. You had told him Bucky refused to play this with you anymore and he was starting to see why.
Suddenly, Walker came in with Yelena hot on his tail. They were bickering on about something that had apparently happened while they were away on a mission. From what Bob could gather, Walker didn’t do what he was supposed to, and Yelena was calling him out on it. He could believe that.
It was when Walker abruptly turned on his heel to put his finger in Yelena’s face that Bob started to feel something stir in his chest. His fingers gripped onto the cards tightly as he tried to block it out. They fought all the time. No one was going to get hurt. It was okay.
But it was the fact that they were in the kitchen. Yelling loudly. It was too familiar.
His breathing picked up slightly, his hand trembling as he placed down a card. He wasn’t even sure if it was the right one. Everything started to blur, making it difficult for him to focus on what was happening.
He was okay. He was okay. They were okay. They were okay.
Just as he was about to stand up, a hand on his knee stopped him.
“Can you take this somewhere else please? We’re in the middle of something.” You briefly glanced up at them, drawing some cards from the deck.
Yelena turned to glare at you, but her retort died on her tongue once she saw Bob’s face. Bob attempted to give her a small smile to let her know that he was okay, but she saw through it immediately. Walker was still going on about whatever, which just made Yelena roll her eyes as she yanked him out the room.
It wasn’t until their voices were out of earshot that you finally let go of his knee, giving him a final squeeze before straightening up the deck as if nothing happened. Bob just stared at you, confused. How did you do that?
You just smiled mischievously at him, placing down a draw two.
“Uno.”
“This is a bad idea.”
Bucky sighed, placing his hands on his hips. “You’re the one that wanted to do this.”
Your eyes glanced between him and Walker. “I didn’t know you were bringing him in on it.”
“I can happily leave,” John spoke up, throwing his thumb over his shoulder. So, Bucky was making him be here. Yeah, this wasn’t what you had in mind.
“No.” Bucky gave him a pointed look. “He’s here because you already know what he’s afraid of. That way, it can’t catch you off guard,” he explained.
You shook your head. “That doesn’t make it any easier,” you scoffed. It would still feel the same, no matter how many times you touched him.
“Do you want to build up your tolerance or not? Because I need to know right now.” Bucky stepped closer to you, searching your eyes for just the slightest hint of hesitation. There was no going back once you started.
After a moment, you took a deep breath and nodded. You needed to do this. Might as well be now.
Taking a step back, Bucky readied himself and nodded at Walker, who just rolled his neck. This was so not what you had in mind.
“Let’s see what you got, Terror.”
Bucky approached you first, swinging at you with his right hand, which you easily dodged. He was obviously going easy on you, but you didn’t have it in you right now to point it out. It was probably for the best. You were rusty after all.
He started throwing punches as he tried to close in on you, making you back up as you continued to dodge. You only ever went on the defensive, not confident in your own swings. Besides, when you can paralyze someone with fear, it’s not really necessary.
It caught you off guard when he grabbed your wrist as you tried to block a hit. You sucked in a breath as you stumbled in his grip.
They’re still out there, waiting for you to get comfortable before they strip your soul again. You are a weapon. You will be nothing more than the Winter Soldier. Your past will catch up with you eventually and you deserve it. Steve was wrong. You are…
Who are you?
You kicked his abdomen, forcing him to let you go. Your fingers twitched as your breath caught in your throat for a moment. You already knew Bucky’s fear, but it didn’t stop it from startling you. But you were okay.
Which made you cocky.
Bob was on the way to his reading spot when he heard a commotion in the training room. His curiosity took over him, making him peak his head in to see what was happening. He was surprised to find you sparring with Bucky and Walker, especially with both of them making skin on skin contact with you.
Something stirred in the pit of Bob’s stomach when Walker grabbed onto your arm, swinging you towards the wall. A surge of protectiveness flowed throughout his body. Did they not understand what them touching you did to you? Surely Bucky did.
However, before Bob could say something, you pushed off the wall and elbowed Walker in the ribs then kneed him in the chin. Bob’s eyes had to be popping out his head. He didn’t know you could do that.
The smirk that adorned your face at your accomplishment made something else entirely stir in Bob’s stomach, spreading up to his chest. God, he hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt.
With your attention on Bucky, Walker took the opportunity to rush up behind you, wrapping his arms around you tightly. “Try getting out of this one,” he muttered, his annoyance evident in his tone and how tight he held you against him.
You’ll never see your son again. You’ll never be his father.
You squirmed under his grip, even trying to step on his foot but to no avail. He wasn’t letting go of you. You were trapped.
Olivia wants nothing to do with you. She was the only person that would ever love you.
Something squeezed your lungs, making it hard for you to breathe. Your vision spotted as panic set in. Panic was not good.
“John, let her go!” Bucky shouted, rushing towards you. Or was he moving away? Was that even his voice? Your consciousness faded in and out.
You could feel yourself slipping out of control. That couldn’t happen. Please, don’t let it happen.
It would be better for them if you were dead.
Oh no.
A blackness clouded over your eyes as you continued to thrash in Walker’s arms. Before you could stop it, the fear you felt in your chest seeped into Walker, his own eyes turning an inky black.
With a sharp intake of breath, Walker let you go as his arms fell numbly to his sides. You fell hard and scrambled away from him as far as you could manage.
Everything was still going in and out as you tried to steady your breathing. This shouldn’t have happened. Why did you agree to this?
Bucky crouched down next to you, trying to make eye contact even as your eyes darted around the room frantically. “Hey, hey. You’re okay. You’re okay. I need you to snap John out of it. Can you do that?” His own voice held an edge of panic that only added to your own.
Shutting your eyes tightly, you took deep breaths to calm yourself down. You counted backwards in your head, doing your best to keep your heart from exploding. If you didn’t get a grip, John’s own heart would give out soon from fear.
Someone calling your name softly made your eyes snap open. You made eye contact with Bob, who hovered a few feet away from you. How long had he been here? That wasn’t important right now. You had to help John.
Inhaling through your nose, you did your best to even out your breathing. You just needed to calm down a little bit. That was all.
Shakily, you pushed yourself off the ground, grabbing onto the wall for support. Bob went to help you, but Bucky held out his hand to stop him from getting any closer. You nodded, letting him know that you could do it on your own.
You made your way to John, whose eyes were still black with silent tears slipping out the corners of them. After taking one more deep breath, you placed your hand on his cheek. He stiffened under your touch, his eyes slowly going back to normal as your own went black once again. His fear flooded throughout your body, but you refused to let go.
Gasping, John finally snapped out of it and fell away from your touch, hitting the ground. His eyes darted around the room as he struggled to breathe, his hands trembling from the residual fear that still lingered in his system. Bucky dropped down next to him, checking him over.
Tears pricked at your eyes. “I’m so sorry,” you apologized as you took a step towards him. “I didn’t mean—”
“Don’t.” John managed to spit out, raising his still trembling finger towards you. “Get the hell away from me!”
Bucky tried to calm him down, telling him it was just an accident, but not even you could bare to listen to him. The tears fell then as you made a break for it, pushing past Bob on your way out. You could hear him call your name again, but you couldn’t risk stopping now.
The walls started closing in on you as you tried to get to your room quickly, your air once again coming in short gasps. Once you thankfully made it to your room, you didn’t even bother to close the door behind you and headed straight to your meds. Your hands trembled while you attempted to unscrew the lid, only to realize it was empty. You were so preoccupied with everything else going on that you forgot to remind Bucky to renew your prescription.
Your legs wobbled as they carried you to the bathroom, your hand reaching for the sink to turn it on. You splashed some water on your face, both the sensation and sound of running water helping you breathe better. But it wasn’t enough.
You turned the sink off before turning to the shower, stepping in to it. The faucet squeaked as you turned it, the cold water immediately causing a shiver to run down your spine. When the water warmed up enough, you slid down the wall and sat on the shower floor as the water soaked your clothes. You continued to take deep, shaky breaths as you held your knees to your chest.
There was a knock on the bathroom door a few minutes later. The last thing you needed right now was a “comforting” lecture. You tried to ignore it, but there was another knock. “Go away, Bucky.”
A moment of silence followed, making you think he actually listened until he spoke. “It’s Bob.”
Lifting your head, you stared at the door. What was he doing here? He saw what happened. He knew what you could do, how you could hurt people. Yet he was here.
“Come in.”
Bob slowly opened the door and stepped in, closing it softly behind him. His eyes danced around the room before they finally landed on you. For a moment, you just stared at each other, not saying a word.
It took you by surprise when he stepped into the shower and sat down next to you. His hair stuck onto his forehead as his clothes soaked up the water. He still didn’t say anything, just sat beside you while you tried to regain control.
You focused on his face, doing your best to read him. His brows were furrowed together, looking like he was internally piecing together what he should say. The crease between his brows shouldn’t have been as endearing as it was, especially right now.
Bob turned to look at you then and offered his hand out to you. Tears pooled in your eyes again as you stared at it for a moment. When you eventually took it, a sob wracked your whole body. He gently pulled you into him, his arms holding you tightly as you sobbed into his shoulder.
The last time you were able to be held by someone felt like an entire lifetime ago. It was obvious to yourself how much you craved skin on skin contact, but you didn’t anticipate this reaction out of you. Bob didn’t let go, his hand gently stroking your back. He out of all people knew how much you needed this.
“You’re okay,” he whispered. You gripped onto him like he was your lifeline. Maybe he was.
He continued to hold you as water poured on top of both of you. You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that, but you never wanted to let go.
You never wanted to let Bob go.
And he was okay with that.
Bob was flipping through a magazine while sipping on a milkshake in his cozy corner when Yelena stopped in front of him. He didn’t even get a chance to greet her before she started talking.
“I found a cool book thrift store you should totally take your girlfriend to.”
A warmth crept up Bob’s neck. “I-I, she… She’s not my… S-she’s not my girlfriend,” he sputtered, closing his magazine. Why would she say that?
Yelena smirked. “Yet, you knew who I was talking about.” Bob’s face had to rival Alexei’s suit by now. “I overheard her saying she was feeling suffocated to Bucky. It’s the perfect opportunity.”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure if me being out on the street is a good idea.” He hasn’t left the tower since they all moved in. There were too many risk factors. What if something happened? What if the Void got too loud? What if he hurt you?
Snapping fingers suddenly appeared in front of his face. “No, no. Do not do that. We do not say bad things about ourselves, only nice things. Remember, Bob?” Yelena chastised. He nodded, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards as he looked down at his lap.
She bent down until she was level with him in the chair. “Look, Bob. I think it’s nice that you and Terror girl get along good.” Yelena offered him a small smile before her face morphed into one of mock seriousness. “But if you make me have to watch you two make puppy dog eyes at each other anymore, I’m going to throw up.”
Bob chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. Yelena took that as a good sign and patted his knee. “Now get out of here,” she gestured with her head to the side.
With that, Bob got up and went to find you. He fiddled with his fingers as he practiced in his head what he was going to say to you. It shouldn’t be hard. There was no reason that he should be nervous. It wasn’t like it was a date... or was it?
That thought made him stumble over his feet. Was it a date? No, it was just asking a friend to go hang out. It didn’t have to be more than that. But what if you say no?
What did Yelena talk him into?
He eventually found you in the game room attempting to play Galaga while Alexei was going on about something beside you. You just hummed along to his storytelling, occasionally asking a question to clarify something without ever taking your eyes off the screen. It wasn’t until Alexei interrupted his own story to acknowledge Bob that you looked away and locked eyes with him. Well, it was now or never.
“H-hi,” Bob sputtered, cringing at himself. This was stupid.
You smiled softly at him. “Hi, Bob.” Your smile caused a surge of confidence to flow through him. He could do this.
“I was... There’s an old bookstore that I wanted to check out,” he started, wringing his hands. “Would you like to go with me?”
A flash of hesitation danced across your features, making Bob feel bad for a moment. He should’ve considered how you felt being in public, especially with what happened with Walker last week. His fear of rejection was immediately replaced with guilt. But before he could backtrack, you beat him to it.
“Yeah, I’d like that. Let me go change.” You turned to tell Alexei to remember where he left off and that you’d pick up with him another time before leaving, smiling at Bob again as you went by. Now his heart was beating faster for a different reason.
Once you were gone, Alexei enthusiastically gave Bob two thumbs up. “About time!”
The bookstore was somewhat small, but it just added to the comforting atmosphere. There was classical music playing in the background as the smell of old books filled the air. It was like a slice of your own personal heaven.
Neither you nor Bob said much as you both flipped through books, slowly adding to the stack that was starting to build up. Luckily, this was going on the New Avengers card, even if Val didn’t know anything about it.
You occasionally glanced over whatever book you had in your hands to look at Bob, who had that crease between his brows again as he read the back of some historical book. Something changed between the two of you after that night in the shower. Well, at least something changed within you. It was hard to tell how Bob felt about it. He never brought it up afterwards, but to be fair, neither did you.
“I never thanked you,” you found yourself saying aloud as you put your book back on the shelf.
Bob looked up at you, the crease even more prominent between his brows. “…for what?”
With a shrug, your hands began to fiddle with your sleeves. “For the other night. I just… thank you.” You then gestured to the store around you. “And thank you for getting me out of there.”
A light red dusted across Bob’s cheeks. “I, uh, I get it.” His eyes casted downwards. “You would’ve done the same,” he tried to shrug it off.
Silence fell between you again for a moment before you turned to look at your collective stack of books. “I think we got enough to tide us over for a bit,” you laughed softly.
He laughed with you. “I think you’re right,” he agreed, placing the book he had back on the shelf before picking up your stack. You followed him to the counter, your eyes drifting to the streets as he paid for them. There was a good amount of foot traffic tonight.
“Ready to go?” Bob turned to you with the bag of books in his hand, gesturing to the door with his head. You nodded and went to hold the door open for him on your way out.
The night had brought a light chill with it, making you thankful for your extra layers. People were rushing along on either side of you, sometimes bumping into you as they passed. Luckily, none of them made contact with your skin, but it still made you feel a little overstimulated.
When someone knocked into you again, you inched closer to Bob, bumping your shoulder with his. He glanced over at you, shifting the bag to his other hand. “You okay?”
You gave him a thin-lipped smile in return. “I’ll be fine.” If anything, you were just getting annoyed. They could at least excuse themselves.
He nodded, turning back to face the street ahead. You continued to stay close to him, your hands accidentally grazing each other’s as you walked. It was hard not to think about it when his skin barely touched yours. You didn’t realize how touch starved you were. Or maybe it was just him.
After your hand hit his for the third time, Bob interlocked your hand with his, giving it a comforting squeeze. You felt your heartbeat pick up as you refused to look at him. From the corner of your eye though, you could see Bob’s face turn a light shade of red.
Bob still held on to your hand, giving himself the excuse that he was just helping you feel better. There was definitely no underlying reason. Not. At. All.
Up ahead at a bar, Bob watched as a big group of young men loudly busted out the doors and started to quickly head your way. Bob swiftly pulled you off the street into the nearby alleyway, caging you between him and the wall. The group ran by, laughing and shoving each other around.
Your breath caught in your throat. Bob’s warmth immediately enveloped you, making something flutter in your stomach. His head was turned as he watched the group go by, giving you an up close view of his side profile. He was beautiful. You’ve never been this close to him before, not like this. What happened in the shower was one thing, but this was totally different. You could feel his chest move against you as he breathed heavily.
“That was…” Bob whipped his head to look at you, but froze once he realized how close he was. “…close.” The warmth of his breath spread across your face, making your own hitch.
Everything seemed to slow down around you as you both stared at each other. Bob’s eyes glanced down at your lips, and you suddenly really wanted him to kiss you. This couldn’t be happening. You were friends… right?
Slowly, Bob’s head dipped down, hesitating just before his lips could touch yours. You met him the rest of the way, capturing his lips with your own. A fire bloomed inside you, heat spreading through your chest when Bob deepened the kiss even more. Your hands grabbed onto his shirt, pulling him impossibly closer. His lips were soft against yours, careful not to hurt you, but eager all the same.
The bag of books slipped from Bob’s grasp as he reached up to cup your cheek, running his thumb across your jaw. He wanted to be as close to you as possible. When your own hands drifted up to his neck, a small moan escaped his lips. God, he could get high just off you.
But when there’s a high, there’s always a low.
Suddenly, Bob pulled away, panting heavily. Your hands fell from his neck, your brows furrowed in concern. “I-I think…” He tried to catch his breath. “We, uh, we should probably get home.”
Before you could say anything, Bob backed away from you, picking up the bag as he did so. He awkwardly gestured for you to go ahead of him. You stared at him, confusion and hurt evident in your body language.
You eventually stepped back onto the street, hugging your arms tightly against yourself. Bob followed behind you, keeping a safe distance all the way back home. He internally cursed himself, but it was for the best. For your sake.
After all, Bob destroyed everything that he touched.
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