Prologue: this is home
(Pairings: platonic yandere family x neglected reader)
Warnings: mentions of past neglect, (forced?) parentification, angst, slight Yandere behavior.
Authors note at the end
love
love is said to be important for the development of humans, especially children; lack of love can result in long-term issues. Because love is so important, humans need love to survive. And without love leaves an empty shell of a human, one without empathy or compassion. because they were never shown what love truly is.
And some have experienced love yet have had it ripped away from them, the very second they feel safe. robbed of what should've been, but never happened. given something but never being able to recreate that same feeling of belonging and understanding, because no one can love you like your family does.
And that's the sad part because it's true, no one can love you like your mother did, as she would whisper sweet promises in your ears, and ease you with her presence alone because you felt safe around her, because you felt Loved. And sadly, nothing or no one can recreate that same feeling.
no one could hold you like how your father used to, being embraced in his warm yet suffocating hold that brought you a sense of comfort and safety, because something in you knew that your father would never deliberately hurt you. And maybe some part of you was right, because you trusted your father.
That's why you're stuck with a hole in your heart and an empty shell of what was once you, but never could be you. because you were robbed of the very same feeling your siblings get to have. You know your parents weren't perfect, but they couldve been there, could've provided you with some form of love or supprt, but instead all you received of high expectations and constant empty promises, to the point where you cant even people, cant even trust yourself. because you are so used to the lack of commitment the lack of love.
to the point where you question yourself, are you truly worthy of love? the very feeling you've been yearning for, for so long.. Because if your own parents can't seem to love you enough to put in any effort, then are you really worthy of love, of their love? Are you just an end to a meet, the firstborn destined to never be loved but expected to love your so-called family with no bounds?
a child expected to be mature for their age, yet never disobey or upset their parents? a child meant to be perfect in every way, so you set a good example for your dear younger siblings. But still, that's all you were a child at the end of the day. a child that was everything but nothing at the same time.
Maybe that's why you couldn't do it anymore, couldnt handle the constant preassure and expectations having to meet, it was tiring, you were so very Tired, tired that all your efforts were for not. tired of being perfect for everyone, having to be the mature one, the wise one, the put-together one so that your siblings wouldnt have to care about their constant mistakes and issues. because you were the oldest and that's thats mattered to them.
You're expected to take on everything so they dont have to do anything, so that they aren't expected to do anything, because thats your responsibility as the oldest after all.
But you're so very tired, tired of being the oldest, tired of everything being forced on you, tired of feeling like your emotions and feelings are wrong and you're being dramatic, tired of being constantly ridiculed because you couldn't do one simple thing right. but some part of you is glad because your parents wouldnt spare you a second glance if you weren't the oldest, they wouldnt even bat an eye at you, but at least you have their attention when ypu do something wrong, when they scold and reprimend you, when they yell and degrade you, at least they are giving you their attention, or else your sure youd go insane from the constant loneliness that you face.
Tired of constantly having to care for siblings that very much don't reciprocate the same amount of love for you. Hell you would say you basically raised them. You may have not provided a roof over their head or food to eat, but you were still their.
Because you were required to be there, to take care of them becayse that's what siblings do. Because that's what is required of the oldest, to cater to everyone else's needs except their own, to be a parent in a child's body.
You love you're siblings still even after everything, even after the cold sneers and the disregard for you're presence becayse now that their older they don't need you anymore, and maybe that's what hurt the most,from being wanted by the very same people you were forced to care for then to be disregarded like trash because your parents finally decided to step in and be actual parents. Acting like they were the ones who raised them, but in reality, all they were doing was work, you were the one taking care of them when no one could.
You were the one constantly responsible for them, thinking that if you did what your dear parents said, they would shower you with the same love your siblings received.
Oh how wrong you were.
Maybe that's why you left, left the suffocating place you used to call home, but you don't even think you would consider the place you grew up in to be a home in the first place, because how could you be a stranger in your own home?
How can you feel so out of place and unloved in a place that's supposed to make you feel safe, make you feel Loved.
Because love is everything, it can be so beautiful yet so hurtful at the same time, because how can you still love the same people who cant seem to find it in their hearts to love you? to cherish you, because after all, you still are a child too.
And doesn't such a good kid like you deserve the same love that was taken away from you?
But in the end, all you are is just a good kid.
not the greatest, not the best..just good, but that was never enough for you, your parents ' so-called love wasn't enough for you, because the first time in your life you're choosing to put yourself above your family, you're choosing to put yourself first.
That's why you ran, that's why you lef the ungrateful household you used to call home, because if your own family cant find it in their hearts to truly love you then youll find people who will, no matter how much more pain, and agony you have to go through, no matter how many more breakdwons and panic attacks you have to subject yourself to.
You will find someone who will love you for who you are.
But why now does your dear family finally notice the mistakes that they have made? how with you gone leaves and ever burning and all-consuming whole in their hearts. because maybe they did take you for granted.
Maybe they did fuck up more than they know.
But you'll forgive them, right? You'll let them fix it so that finally they'll all be a loving family.
because you've always been a good kid, and yount defy them now even though they may have really fucked up?
But maybe that's all you'll ever be in their eyes, a good kid.
because you're their good kid.
even if you don't want to admit it.
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Authors note: credits to @acid-ixx for being the inspiration for this series with their again and again and loving family series! I hope you all enjoyed the prologue!
