It feels really strange to internally struggle so much when your life isn’t necessarily terrible anymore. I have amazing friends, hobbies I enjoy, a job I (at time) like, a great home. But I’m still stuck with life long mental illnesses that make all of that feel like nothing. I tend to focus on the worse parts of my life and forget about the good. It’s a hard balance. Like my life is great but I also cannot get medical insurance as someone who has multiple chronic illnesses that are being left untreated because I make barely above what the government said I’m allowed to make in a month. And I only make that much because I force myself to work a job that, while I love my coworkers and the guests, is making my body worse. I was in physical therapy but losing medical insurance took that away and my body has been declining ever since. I think I’m just at a point with everything because this pain as the base of my spine feels like it’s ruining my life and I feel like going to the er is stupid because I mean I’m not really in an emergency but I really don’t trust urgent cares after multiple terrible times and they have limited equipment there too. I’m keeping an eye on the progression of my back pain and watching for any truly emergent symptoms because I’m kind of borderlining on things. Like I still have to go to work which makes it so much worse but there’s no other choice there. Sorry for the ramble ugh