#sestravtoraya

[sovietarchive-blog]

          ❛   if you want me off this bridge, you’re going to have to  THROW  me off.   ❜

@sestravtoraya     //     unsolved starter call

[andryuska]

@sestravtoraya​ // closed starter call.

in war there is no welcome for cowardice. its existence is a disease which through soldiers spread ---- an infection that, if not cured, must be amputated entirely so it might bring no more rot to the body. it matters not the importance of one’s role, nor the prevalence of it ---- an infected fingertip might do as much damage as an infection chest if left to spread. fear is unnecessary, dangerous, and thus in the face of his injury prince andrei is determined not to show how it hurts him ---- having been patched closer to the front lines, he’s been moved to a more distant infirmary, where now he lies, bandaged and weak and all too prideful to accept the help forced upon him. unafraid, and still unmarred by cowardice that cannot be afforded.

an insistence on strength, however, fails to mask reality, and though he acts as though he is healing well, prince andrei feels well enough the wear on his body. every movement aches, every day fills him with anxiety, every night is endured with only the utmost restraint ---- nervous and prone to physical illness alongside the effects of his injury, it is nearly impossible for him to hide pain, and just as difficult to not think of the prospect of death. for all he can do, prince andrei cannot wipe the paleness from his cheeks nor the soreness from his figure ; and so when the grand duchess tatiana comes to nurse him, his words cannot rival his simple appearance. still, he tells her immediately, “ it’s not that bad, your imperial highness, it’s . . . it truly isn’t. ”

[heartunfailed]

sestravtoraya replied to your post: lol  it’s  really  funny  how  certain  straight ...

some days i reconsider fandoms and today is one of those days

yeah  that’s  been  every  reasonable  persons  reaction  to  this.

[lescelerat-a]

STARTER  ; THE PALACE ∟ @sestravtoraya

THE OPENING OF THE DOOR ALMOST MAKES HIM JUMP if he wouldn’t have his reflexes tied down to a t; anya is at some gathering or some lesson or so and he’s been dismissed for the better part of the day but that doesn’t mean dmitry’s life exists in solitude ( as much as he sometimes wishes it would ). 

❛ WHO’S NOT KNOCKING ON MY DOOR? ❜

[andryuska]

“ you don't have to deal with everything alone. ”

an old meme // @sestravtoraya

the pride the prevents his request for help is not shallow. it is rooted deep within his soul ; nested amongst childhood memories, amongst lessons of strength his father had taught, restraining not only his desire to accept assistance, but his ability to do so. the pain he holds is shameful, and the prospect that someone might come close enough to know it, to see beyond the physical agony into what havoc it spurs within him, creates discomfort enough that he withdraws as well as he is able. what option does he have but to deal with this all alone —- what but to welcome in another, to allow her past the barriers guarding his thoughts that, however much pain they impose, have been constructed for a reason. 

“ what way is there to deal with anything except to do it alone? ” injury has weakened him, but this roughness has another source ; it seemed to come from a knot in his throat, from the pit in his stomach that reminds him that what he intends to do alone —- what he grapples with now —- is his own death. is this not what people are meant to fear? their own ends, met without a caring soul to help them through it? the ceasing of an existence that will not be immediately mourned? it seems rather ridiculous, and thus andrei cannot make sense of why he himself is afraid of it as well. this, he does not expect her to understand, however ---- and so the repression, the distance, becomes a necessity. a matter of pride so far advanced that he has come to believe he requires even when his life is slipping from his grasp.