Ok. So I haven't posted any of my season 8 watch notes on SG1 because....well I lost my motivation after getting to a certain episode. Don't worry I will get back to it eventually. But I suppose I can give a sneak peek into my thoughts on season 8 by discussing episode 7 (Affinity).
Long story short Affinity centers around Teal'c getting an apartment off base for the first time. During which he befriends a neighbor who is in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend. Teal'c brings questions of Taur'i relationships to Sam and Daniel who each have their own views on the matter.
TLDR (for the massive wall of text you are about to read) “Almost all cultures put a significant pressure on single adults to form bonding pairs.”- Daniel Jackson.
For those of you who want my long winded rant: My rewatch notes will be enclosed in << >> and in orange to distinguish them from the new text I'm adding now.
<<Daniel rattles off some facts about relationships. He uses examples from other cultures to lend insight but it's done in a way that tells us he wants to just info dump about shit he knows. History, cultures, people that's stuff Daniel loves learning about and sharing.
“Almost all cultures put a significant pressure on single adults to form bonding pairs.” Don't I know it. He again uses cultural examples instead of personal ones. This discussion is not one Daniel shares his own experiences with. The way he approaches it as a learning experience instead of a bro bonding moment is telling.>>
Now I view this as evidence of Daniel being ace but that's not exactly what we are here for right now. It's important though that Daniel doesn't really seem compelled to be in a relationship nor does he actively seek one out.
<<Sam's turn to….basically repeat what Daniel just said but with more modern and personal examples. She lists TV, Commercials, and Magazines as perpetrators in this compulsion.
“I think that's what I just said” Daniel isn't particularly stressed about his ‘lack of a love life’ but Sam seems to be distressed about hers.
“They make you afraid of being alone but at the same time, tell you not to settle for anything less than this perfect romantic ideal” So this scene is just a way to highlight that romantic entanglements are messy but my biggest issue is with Sam. Or rather how the writers handle this scene. Sam is unhappy with the compulsive amatanormativity (compulsive romance and “love”) and the solution isn't for her to take a step back and address it but rather to bury her head in the compulsion. Force herself to say yes to a man she deep down knows she doesn't want to be with because her only other option is “taken”.
“How's things?” Daniel can see Sam is getting more personal with it. Again he doesn't seem distressed. Teal'c doesn't really but he rarely emotes. >>
SO, to boil this down into a more condensed form. SG1 shows us what is very clearly a discussion on amatonormativy and the human societal pressure to, as Daniel put it, "form bonding pairs." This is a commonality through the show and the worlds visited and even the jaffa and goa'uld aren't exempt. But Daniel and Sam both seem to acknowledge and understand these pressures with varying opinions.
As I said, Daniel doesn't seek out a partner. Partners usually find him to various results (we won't get into that right now but let's just say the fandom treatment of Vala's "pursuit" of Daniel is telling and disturbing). Sam is, however, quite distressed as there is someone she does want to be with but for "reasons" (read military ranking and such) she knows they can't be together.
The show then goes on to do the single most annoying thing in the world and have Sam accept the proposal of a man who not only stalked her but also felt entitled to her entire life (we hate Pete). The conversation was seemingly leading Sam to the conclusion that "forming bonding pairs" is kind of bullshit but NO the writers couldn't fathom this woman not being with a man.
Just as many fandoms cannot fathom a character not being with another person (in the franchise or not). Yes, this all comes back to fandoms' favorite pastime of "let's force these characters to be in a relationship." What I find interesting is that this discussion of amatonormativity can happen in a show from the 90s (sure the ep was early 00s but still) and not only do the writers completely miss the mark but fans have also seemed to miss it as well.
The pressure to bond, to form lasting romantic and/or sexual relationship is so clearly present in our culture starting in our youth when we are consuming fairy tales about princes and princesses. This pressure is not alleviated as we get older but doubled down upon. Those of us in the aspec (not just the aros and aces but the others as well) are force fed a diet of relationship expectations to the point may of use first think we are broken for not meeting those expectations.
Seeing fandom spaces praise representation and slam erasure while erasing those of us who do not fit into the boxes of "bonding pairs" is not only disheartening but harmful. It's a common occurrence to see an aroace person talk about how they feel erased when fandom takes the one aroace character who is vehemently against such relaionships and force them into one. It only gets worse when they get shouted over with the line "but aroaces can xyz."
WE know aroaces can be in relationships. Shippers won't shut up about it and worse they feel like the only people biting back against the amatonormative shipping culture are allos. Aroaces know this, we know our own sexuality and we know we can do those thing but it's not much of a spectrum when ever piece of representation is shoved into the same damned corner.
Instead of addressing the issue we are erased or told we are the problem. That we need to conform or get out because they fought to be seen as if we are not the invisible orientations.
Ok. That got very ranty near the end but it's a bunch of shit that I've been holding in for a long damned time. This isn't just about a singular episode of a show that originally started in the 90s. IT's about the idea that “Almost all cultures put a significant pressure on single adults to form bonding pairs.”
