The next time I arrive at work, I remind myself that I need to be an adult about this whole situation. I figure I should start by admitting to Lexie and the others that I exaggerated my importance at the company. Before I can get settled in, though, I get a text from Lucy asking to see me in her office.
“Hey, how’d it go with your new minions?” I ask. I can tell by the annoyance on her face that my joke didn’t land.
“I wanted to talk to you about that, actually.” Uh oh. I realize I might actually be in trouble.
“Did you tell the students that you’re their boss?” She folds her arms across her chest.
“Oh yeah, I did say that, but I’m going to tell them I was just joking.”
“Well, joking around is fine, but misrepresenting your role goes a step too far. I needed you to help them get acquainted with their new workplace, not confuse them about the chain of command.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it would be such a big deal.”
“It’s not just that, though. I didn’t mind finishing up the tour for you, but there were other things I needed you to do yesterday and you were nowhere to be found. When I asked Damien what you were doing for him, he said he hadn’t given you any assignments. This isn’t like you, Johnny. What’s going on?”
I don’t know what to say. I know I dropped the ball, but I also don’t want to have to explain why I dipped out like I did. “I really am sorry,” I tell her. “I know it’s not an excuse, but I was feeling really anxious about something and I needed to step away.”
I can see her face soften a bit. “Look, I’m sorry that you were struggling yesterday,” she responds. “Mental health should always be a priority, but I really need you to communicate these things to me. If you need to take some time to yourself or you need a mental health day, please just let me know.”
For some reason it never occurred to me that I could have just talked to her about it. “Okay, I’ll make sure to come to you next time,” I promise. “I’m sorry I let you down. Whatever you need from me today I’ll do it. Actually, I was going to ask about getting security badges for the students. I, uh, might’ve made it sound like they weren’t important enough to get one.”
Lucy exhales loudly through her nose. “Yes, I’ll put in a request. I’ll let you know when they’re ready.”
“And Johnny, I know you can do better than this. Don’t get in your own way.”
Once the badges are ready, I deliver them to the students.
“I thought you said we wouldn’t get one of these?” Izzy asks.
“Yeah, I was just trying to make myself seem important,” I admit. “Just like when I said I’m kind of your boss. I don’t actually have any authority here, but if you ever need something I’ll do what I can to help.”
“Johnny, you don’t have to impress us,” Lexie says gently.
“Yeah,” Donovan adds. “We all think it’s cool that you got a job here.”
“Well, I’m sorry for lying. I know you probably heard about some of the stuff I was getting into over the summer and I didn’t want you to think I was still a fuck up.”
“Hey, man, we never thought you were,” Chase tells me. “We were mostly just worried about you.”
“Yeah, we were all relieved to see you’re doing so well,” Kelsey chimes in.
All I can do is smile and nod. I’m afraid if I say anything, I’ll start crying. Not because I’m sad, though. I feel happy that I have so many people in my life that care about me. Even if things are awkward for a while, I feel like everything might actually be okay.
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