#shacklebot

[gretehart]

Sketch- Platinum and Shacklebot

Meant to post this earlier lmao.

My OCs, Platinum and Shacklebot. Shackle is an older bot character I made for a story I’ve had in my mind for about 3(?) years now. I hope to work on something more with him & the others soon c:

But I had to draw this lol. Shackle has a thing for girls with big arms (Fun fact: when I drew him, his first “crush” was Vi from LoL xD)

Will be posting more doodles eventually ~

[hippogrif]

I’m back?

hello,

 it’s me! I’ve been wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet. . .

seemed fitting since I haven’t really been on this blog for about, at least a full year I think (but it can also be almost 2 years. . . ), I left quite suddenly because of some bad things that life threw at me which made me not able to handle anything really and I haven’t come back here until now.  This post turned out much longer than I expected however, so for those of you who don’t want to read my whole life story here’s the (also quite long) short version first :P

Just recently, for no real reason, I decided to visit here again (actually the reason was that I had a momentary grieving episode and I needed a place to vent and this seemed like a good place to do it) and I found out I kinda miss it. Not the blogging per se (although I kinda want to fangirl over Supergirl with people xD) but more the people I met on here and the community. 

And that’s why I’m making this post, for all of you amazing people. I tagged everyone I can remember knowing on here that I am grateful for having talked to, but I am sure I forgot people so if you’re reading this and we talked, I am also talking about you! I know 2 years is a long time, and I don’t know if you are all still on tumblr (or if anyone wants to even read this) but I just wanted to say thank you for everything, it meant a lot to me and I am genuinly sorry I stopped talking. 

The other part of the message is that I feel like tumblring (is that a verb?) again and so this is my hi I’m back message :P I’m different than I used to be (and following new tv shows and stuff) so I am not sure what I want to tumblr about yet (feel free to give me suggestions ;) ) or how frequent I’ll be here, but I do know it will remain a positive place and it will be active again :)

and now for the long version of my hiatus under the cut :P : 

now comes the (probably too) personal story and waaay too long story of why I left, and what I’ve felt/did since then. It was actually really cathartic to write this, so I am not gonna apologise for the length.

I had a really rough time 2 years ago, My father got cancer and needed surgery, I was failling all of my classes at uni (making me doubt myself) and to top it all off the plane that my aunt and uncle where in was shot down above ukraine (mh17. . .) and so my father was sick and miserable, my sister had a break down, my mother was left to pick up the pieces and I was at the other side of the country alone in my dorm room. It was the worst year of my life, it literally felt like all the air had been blown out of me and the ground had disappeared. And there was a period where I was genuinly depressed I think, even though I never really let myself feel it because I needed to be there for my sister (and my mother, and my father) and I needed to pass my classes during my last chance at uni and I just knew that if I gave in to that feeling that I would never stop crying. And because of that I couldn’t be on here anymore.

I didn’t know how to be the sad one, or how to ask for help. I have always hated feeling like I was burdening someone with my problems, and I’ve never been good at sharing my grief and I did try, just because I couldn’t do it alone and I hoped it would help, but it didn’t. I couldn’t bring up the energy for it, and there was a time where I locked myself away from everyone really (not just tumblr) because I couldn’t give anything but anger and I couldn’t receive anything either and if I couldn’t be good, I’d rather be nothing.

Which was enhanced by the fact that I felt like a cheat, I had always told everyone who needed it that everything eventually works out and life is worth living and to just have faith and love, and then here I was not believing that anymore. It felt like I had lied to everyone I had ever helped (including myself in a way) and it made me feel like I didn’t deserve help (as much as I know it’s ridiculous and if anyone told me that I would tell them that’s bullshit, and hit them in the head before hugging the hell out of them). But I guess that’s just what being depressed feels like. And just being sad I could’ve handled, I’ve been sad before, it was the anger I couldn’t deal with. The only way to get rid of anger is to forgive, and that is precisely what I couldn’t do.

This was my happy place, and I did it not just for myself but for everyone else, I always loved sending nice messages and making people happy and reblog funny things and  just making this a nice place to be, but I couldn’t do that anymore. And because the only things I wanted to reblog where sad things, or rants, and I didn’t want this blog to become a depressing place and so I just stopped altogether. 

I instead focused on helping my sister, like doing everything for her could make up for not helping anyone else (and it helped, as much as my support helped her recover, it helped me recover myself just as much) and I focused on gaining my bachelor degree. I had a weird time at school, because I didn’t feel really motivated and I largely also felt that learning wasn’t the most important thing in life, not if everything else was falling apart.  But I also didn’t want to throw away 3 years of studying because life decided to become unfair. And also maybe because a small part of me did still believe this wasn’t gonna last all my life and so throwing away my future because of the present seemed like a bad idea, not to mention it pissed me off that external events could fuck everything else up so much that I wanted to prove that at least this I could still do. And because I stopped caring about it as much as I used to, I stopped having failure anxiety, it was almost a “fuck it I’m doing it if it kills me” vibe and it got me through, despite everything I (finally, after 6 tries) passed my classes. This year I will hopefully get my bachelor degree and after next year I’ll have my master and I’ll be an honest-to-god engineer!

 And it finally felt like I was at the other end of the storm, I felt proud (and maybe a little shocked) at my own strength, at the fact that I made it. I started enjoying my classes again. I started talking to people again, making friends, being happy-ish. I say happy-ish because the grief isn’t gone yet, sometimes it comes back and hits me like a freight-train. It also changed me and I am still trying to figure out what that means exacly. I am less naive, I stand up for myself more and I know what I want more. But I am also less forgiving, which I don’t like but my friends and family say is not a bad thing.

I am stronger now, there are things I learned from this that have made me better but I still feel like I was fine before too, and I’d rather not have gone through it all (or at least later in life, I am 23 and I have lost more people than some people lose in an entire life time). So as far as acceptance I still have some way to go I guess :P 

But I can see myself getting there, I am still scared the pain and the anger are never gonna go away and maybe they won’t, but I can feel grateful again about my life, I can be happy. And so now I am here again, on tumblr, spilling my guts to all of you :P which is actually a sign I am doing great (or better, let’s not get carried away) because I have always been better at talking about feelings/situations after I stopped feeling them :P 

anyway, for anyone who has read this far, I wish I had some profound findings or wisdoms to give you about all of this. But I don’t, I'm still not sure what it all means, or if it means anything at all, so for now I’m just gonna say thank you for reading this entire novel and I hope you have a nice day :)

x Fay

[thestuckylibrary]

I was wondering if you or anyone knew of any stucky fics that involved top!Steve helping a post Hydra Bucky cope with trauma. Can be dark/kinky, or purely vanilla.

try our Top Steve tag!

[armandyke]

I'm gonna come off anon and say this since I wouldn't want people people thinking you're sending yourself anons. This is all nonsense. To stoop so low as to insult you over what? Loving Seb? Defending Seb? When he didn't do ANYTHING WRONG and all you have are HIS LOOKS? There are some really toxic people on this site. But bright side! At least you'll never run out of salt I guess???

I’m still laughing at the fact that me defending Seb’s face somehow turned into me being a racist like what even is this fucking website honestly

[acedoutofhere]

A recurring scenario

Me: *sends gf link to cute/cool thing*

Gf: I've seen this before.

Gf: ...

Gf: You've sent me this before.

Me: I have 100% never seen this before in my life.

Gf: But you were the one to send it to me...

Me: But this is the first time I ever saw it!?!

[acciowintershield]

Thought it was worth sharing with you…

[pathfxnder]

shacklebot replied to your post “shacklebot replied to your post:shacklebot replied to your post...”

I'm sorry. That really sucks. I guess all you can do is keep your head down and push through it. You'll get to move out eventually. Maybe even set a goal for yourself -- a light at the end of the tunnel situation.

yeah that’s a good way to look at it thank you!

[pathfxnder]

shacklebot replied to your post:shacklebot replied to your post “shacklebot ...

I know what you mean entirely, it’s really hard. I don’t suppose taking in a third roommate would help enough either, huh?

we don’t even technicall yhave room for my sister. she’s sleeping on the couch and all of our shit is in my room/the office. 

idk it’s harder for her to adjust to things than me