#shadeposting

[menoitiades-offical]

missed connection

looking to post a missed connection for a friend (it's me. I'm the friend.)

he was tall. angry. sulked a lot. fought a river once. last seen dragging a corpse (Hector).

if this is you, please respond.

I made it to Elysium but it's boring here. the shades won't shut up about Orpheus. again.

[unrestrainedbalderdash]

Local asexual has fallen for yet another dapper morally-grey old man

[menoitiades-offical]

you would be surprised by how unreliable the wi-fi is in the underworld. (or perhaps not. depends.)

nonetheless. enjoy.

Trojan War Alignment Chart

in which I argue for new alignments and assign arbitrary roles to enemies and friends alike

Lawful Sad: Hector (...do I need to explain this?) Neutral Sad: Patroclus (I died.) Chaotic Sad: Cassandra (doomed, sobbing, maybe screaming)

Lawful Neutral: Aeneas (doing his best, mid-crisis, can't fault him) True Neutral: Odysseus (thirsty, calculating. might be chronically tired) Chaotic Neutral: Paris?? (he seduced his way on the chart)

Lawful Feral: Ajax the Great (rules?? yelled.) Neutral Feral: Achilles (he was vibing. and then he wasn't) Chaotic Feral: Diomedes (he stabbed a god. he attacked two gods.)

someone grant me a better use of my time.

[menoitiades-offical]

How Would You Die in the Iliad (Based on Your Dumbass Decisions)?

alright so, you've found yourself in a large-scale war. that's unfortunate. you have options, maybe.

answer honestly, the Moirai spin their threads.

how will you die in the Iliad?

tally up your letter total to redeem your result.

Q1: what's your battle strategy? A. fight for your family/honor B. swing wildly and pray (don't we all?) C. wait until the gods make it your problem D. acquire proper gear before initiating E. fulfill a role you never asked for

Q2: how do you react to bad news? A. swear vengeance and blame fate B. get immediately stabbed (whoops) C. deny it, deflect, maybe flirt D. weep and rush into battle anyway E. ask the gods for permission, die anyway (figures)

Q3: what's your relationship to the gods? A. they toy with me but I still pray B. don't know who I am (accurate) C. one of them maybe kissed me once? D. I got adopted through trauma E. I'm god's child and that's the problem

Q4: pick a weapon. A. sword and shield, traditional and honorable B. whatever happens nearby (sword? rock? spear?) C. words and seductive glances (you bard) D. a spear, because of course E. something cursed, or blessed, by prophecy

Q5: what's written on your gravestone? A. "he died with honor" B. "who?" C. "blame the arrow" D. "tell him I was brave" E. "this was always going to happen"

results can be found beneath the cut. may the gods grant you favor, friend.

final results:

mostly A - Hector

you carried the weight of legacy and honor. you died doing what was right, and Achilles dragged you for it (literally) cause of death: stabbed in the throat, but extra

mostly B - Random Guy #12

you showed up. you fought. you probably died on line X of Book X. no one cried. a spear went directly through your teeth. cause of death: "was that rock there before?"

mostly C - Paris

you were born hot and remained problematic. you avoided death via divine favor until fate couldn't stand you anymore. cause of death: pretty privilege expired

mostly D - Patroclus

you wore your boyfriend's armor and charged into destiny. honestly? died like a legend. beautifully. maybe a bit stupidly. cause of death: wingmanned your own bloodloss

mostly E - Sarpedon

you were a king, a demigod, and... a plot device. Zeus almost cried. that's how you mattered. oof. cause of death: narrative necessity

this is not supposed to be Iliad-accurate at all. don't come at me if I've forgotten a few details or if you're unsatisfied with your results. not my problem you ended up with Paris.

maybe look inward.

[unrestrainedbalderdash]

Me too. Me too.

[unrestrainedbalderdash]

Dickie...

[unrestrainedbalderdash]

Was going to just get screenshots of a certain scene but alas. Jonathan Cake continues to captivate me.

[unrestrainedbalderdash]

Guys. Might I be autistic enough to try making a piano transcript of the Shade's theme?