Hello, I require advice. I am terrified of the dark. I also feel incredibly guilty about being scared of the dark, because it feels like a personal insult to the various fae and spirits who dwell in the dark. Help?
There is nothing wrong with fear of the dark! Some spirits thrive off of fear and some are even there and poking about specifically to scare you as a part of a learning process (if they are wanting to work with you specifically). I would also like to point out that it is healthy to have and experience fear once in a while so long as it doesn’t become overbearing or phobic.
My answer is long, so I will hide it unless someone wants to open up the post.
Working with fear, facing it and overcoming it to the point where you no longer suppress it and you healthily incorporate it into your whole being is a part of what is called Shadow Self Work (SSW). This is one of my practices as I feel darkness is just as important as light and all that entails.
If you work with fae and other spirits that are night/darkness dwellers, yet still fear the dark, begin with communicating with them. Express that you do have fear of the dark, yet still wish to work with them. They can help and as long as you are respectful, most spirits do tend to work things out with you.
In addition, there are some mundane ways you can help your fear of the dark and it begins with slowly integrating it into your life. Begin with closing your eyes and think to a place or feeling of where you feel safe. This feeling will ideally provide you with a sense of nothing or little can touch you. For me, this is heading to a mental place of aged, marbled stone, covered in moss and ivy. There are four bridges in a circular room that can be drawn to a center island with the sky open above. This is where no one else comes and where I can peacefully be by myself and properly think of things or calm down. I evoke this feeling whenever I need to deal with undesirable situations where I cannot physically or spiritually be alone and want to. With a part of me calm and thinking straight, it allows me to actually deal with other people or spirits when the rest of me is not calm.
Once you have your little sanctuary feeling, make things darker until you are comfortable. Hold a flashlight or a candle (safely) or think of starlight if you’d like to symbolize illuminating the dark (starlight is especially close to the darkness, yet still provides light. It is of my opinion that this is suitable for what you are trying to accomplish as it fits the metaphor near perfectly, though you should do what feels right to you). Part of SSW is ‘shining awareness’ on things people are not normally aware of within themselves. In this, you are directly facing what you feel goes bump in the night. You are familiarizing yourself with what dwells in the dark, both spiritually and in your mind. Repeat the process of going into darker surroundings and familiarizing yourself with it. Let your metaphorical eyes adjust and then delve deeper.
If you are ever uncomfortable, you can evoke your sanctuary or you can turn on the lights. Do not feel a coward for turning on the lights. You are trying to healthily face your fear, not create a psychologically scarring phobia. Also have no fallacy of what bravery is. It is not the absence of fear, but of treading forward with fear in your heart anyway. Just do what you feel is comfortable while slightly expanding your limits.
If you choose to leap into the dark and have what experiences you will, be prepared to feel fear, but realize that there may come understanding from the experience. With Fae and even with certain Shaman-like practices, animals and spirits will spiritually tear your body apart and piece it back together with a new piece gifted from them. This new piece is a part of them, of their home. It offers understanding and connection. You can do a practice similar to this, offer something of yourself; something of meaning to you that you consider a part of your being as a whole. It will leave a part of you open to receiving what the spirits may offer back, if they are willing to work with you.
So in recap; think of your sanctuary feeling, familiarize yourself with the dark, express your fear and willingness to work with darker spirits (optionally offering something in exchange), and most importantly, do what feels right to you. No one will look down on you for having a struggle. It is my belief that these struggles make us stronger and wiser.
I wish you luck in your endeavors, Anon. I hope I have helped.
