#shadowjournal

[urban-after-dark]

[glassmothcodex]

01-09-2025 13:57

I'm not losing my mind.

I'm not losing my mind.

If I say it enough times,

I might not lose my mind.

[glassmothcodex]

23-08-2025 03:35

I think I'm going to kill myself.

Dramatic, I know, and the superstitious side of me fears the very power I might be calling upon by writing it out. Thoughts are ephemeral, but to write it –more than even, to voice it– feels prophetic, and entices destiny.

Now I just sound pretentious. I suppose that's because I never write for myself. No, every word and thought is drawn with the notion of someone else reading it someday. Understandable, considering I live my life as if ever watched and ever judged. Breathing is permitted but never freely given. And I've never quite managed to catch my breath. Such an existence begets a want for oblivion.

But death is messy, and never dignified. 

Truth is, I'm just lonely. Somewhere along the way I seem to have lost all ability to form meaningful connections. It's my own fault, of course. I'm a people-pleaser and I think my masks have eroded the skin underneath. Or maybe I've stared in the mirror too long, and it all looks wrong and off and not me at all.