#shadshad18

[storyofauke]

There is " bridal carry " in chapter >> embrace the heat of the night

That’s post-coital, though. I imagine “being carried to the bed” as a pre-coital sort of thing. (And once again, Aki is unconscious. Hmm. Aki only gets carried when he’s out cold.)

[storyofauke]

Aki is afraid from asami on some level we saw that on some chapter and extra . Do you think he is afraid because asami rape him in first chapter or because he know that asami is drug dealer ?? Or maybe he afraid that asami will dump him ?? Anyway i don't think asami will harm aki or kill him .

So sure, there are all the obvious reasons for any sensible person to be afraid of Asami: rapist, murderer, criminal. (Although sensei has revised Asami’s history to be clear that he is not a drug dealer.) Having a film canister shoved up your rectum would tend to intimidate most people. Also, do not discount the importance of the fact that Asami outweighs and out-muscles Aki to a significant degree and has proved his physical superiority on a number of occasions:

(Imagine an image here from the “Rose Colored Accomplishments” extra where Asami breaks the metal handcuffs Aki had used to chain him to the bed. You have to imagine that image because the tumblr prude-bot made me remove it.)

But I think the main reason Aki is still afraid of Asami is because Asami is such an emotionally stunted noob when it comes to relationships and doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings. While it’s clear to us that Asami worships, treasures and adores Aki, it is equally clear that Aki isn’t seeing it. Even with the strides made in recent chapters, Aki remains at a disadvantage as far as where he stands in this relationship and just what Asami thinks of him, and that’s why all of the other things continue to scare him. If he knew what he really meant to Asami, if Asami would stick a crowbar in his emotions and open up to Aki, none of that would matter any more.

There’s one other little problem in that I don’t think Asami really gets how very uncertain and afraid Aki is. (And I don’t want to put that on Aki because–again–Asami’s the one who dragged him into this and told him things like “You don’t have that kind of value” and continues to laugh at him and blah blah, so expecting Aki to be the one to fix this is just NO.) Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. Asami’s kind of clueless here. Two recent extras lay it out in an interesting way. I already talked about this, so just a quick recap.

The baby extra, where Aki tells Hiroto that Asami is scary, Asami seems a little shocked to hear himself described that way:

But then the neko extra is so interesting. For one thing, it’s Asami’s dream, so it’s a rare glimpse into his subconscious. And inside Asami’s subconscious, it is surprisingly warm and fluffy, and Asami sees himself very much as kind and nurturing, not scary at all:

Asami has some personal exploration to do, that’s for sure. But until he can communicate these feelings properly to Aki (and maybe he is beginning to, in the flashback,) Aki will continue to be uncertain and afraid. That is my opinion as a professional yaoi marriage counselor. 

[storyofauke]

Why do you think asami didn't say something to kuroda when he say '' why do you keep him by your side " in chapter 43 poor akihito 💔 he was listening to them

Primarily, I don’t think Asami feels it necessary to justify his relationship with Aki to anyone. But it was pretty jerky to not give Kuroda more than a “scary expression” for getting assy about Aki. Would have been nice if he’d have said something along the lines of “Talk shit about my boyfriend again and I’ll shoot your balls off.” Just a simple romantic gesture.

[storyofauke]

When do you think akihito fall in love and develop feeling for asami ?? After they back from hong kong ??

Yeah, I think it was a long, gradual process for Aki and I think Volume 6 is all about that journey. (Which is why I goggle at people who think volume 6 is boring because dude! It’s the keystone of this whole series! Plus, counter top sex!) 

I think Aki “fell” at the end of volume 5 (particularly in Temporary Paradise, where they had this amazing “out of time” moment to really get to know each other and be vulnerable with each other) but it’s in volume 6 that Aki comes to terms with his feelings, not quite putting a name to them but acknowledging his desire to be with Asami.

[storyofauke]

What do you think asami will do if he know in that time that akihito hasn't been in home for 3 day because of sudou?? I hate sudou ... love your page

Thank you! Welcome to the Sudou Haters Club! Ha! I think we have a very small membership. Honestly, I see no redeeming qualities. I would love for Asami to know what Sudou said to Aki, how he made it seem like Aki had only two choices, and that to choose Asami meant to debase himself. Maybe it would force Asami to help Aki understand his true worth. And then maybe he could go and spit on Sudou or something.

[storyofauke]

In ch43 why do you think akihito appear in front of kuroda when ha was about to leave ?? Mabey look at me what you can do ? And i love asami reaction he just tell aki to take warm bath 😂😂 i love your page 💙

Thank you! And what a great ask! I haven’t done an obsessive frame-by-frame breakdown for awhile and this is a great one. So let’s do it! This is part of probably the most critical sequence in the entire story, starting with Aki’s reluctant return to the penthouse, the angry miscommunications, the rough sex. This scene is the start of the emotional resolution for the arc of their relationship because it’s Aki beginning to assert his place by Asami’s side.

It’s helpful to remember again how little time is passing in this story. It’s only been maybe a week or so since Kuroda cornered Aki and got all snotty about Aki performing “night duties.” So Aki is carrying that memory into the scene along with Sudou having him beaten and warning him off of Asami, all of the countless reminders not that Asami is bad for him but that he is not worthy of Asami. 

So at the start of the chapter, where he’s having his Scarlett O’Hara moment, lolling in bed, well fucked and thinking he’s happy in the moment and he’ll worry about the negatives tomorrow, here comes one of those negative voices personified, invading this private space. 

If you isolate all of the Aki frames in this scene, you get a really beautiful progression of exactly what he was thinking that led him to step in front of Kuroda. And once again, for anyone who thinks sensei isn’t a thoughtful, intelligent writer and artist, they’re not looking at what she’s putting right there on the page. So here’s Aki literally slowly waking up to some realizations:

Hearing voices, he gets out of bed and goes to see what’s up. He approaches a door, a literal but also figurative door, hesitantly, his hair over his eyes. This is all great, subtle symbolism. What’s on the other side of that door? Does Aki really want to see?

And then he hears something that throws him back–that literally opens his eyes and puts his back up against a wall–LITERALLY:

If Sudou is just Asami’s toy, then what is he, Aki? Didn’t Asami just play with him in bed, allowing him no choices of his own? He leans back, staring into the middle distance, while Kuroda suggests Asami’s senses are being dulled. 

And it’s a neat little callback to earlier in the volume, that scene where Aki zoned out in the press room:

Where Aki worries if his senses are being dulled. “This is bad. When did I become like this?” Both of them distracted by unexpected feelings. Then Aki is pulled back to the present by a present, the book Asami gives to Kuroda:

An expensive gift, given by one who knows the recipient’s desires. There is warmth and caring and more feelings are stirred within Aki:

And then this whole page is a progression of Aki grappling with how he feels, witnessing this exchange of warmth between these two men. 

Notice that now his arms are crossed over his chest, a gesture of defensiveness, to the closeup of his eye, the brow drawn but gradually lifting as Aki works out how he fits into all of this, his face half in shadow and then his head tipped back, literally (again) looking up as he determines that Kuroda and Asami occupy a space above him.

And that brings us to that moment where Kuroda steps out into the hall and the little storm of Aki’s emotions, everything that has been building and jumbling since they met in the park. 

Aki is still defensive, throwing back at Kuroda Kuroda’s insinuations about his role in Asami’s life. “I was about to make you some tea.” He’s still defensive, arms still crossed, defiant expression. He’s obviously still stung by what Kuroda had said to him in the park, but he’s also staking a claim to his position, as you say. “I am here. I am part of Asami’s world. Your words haven’t moved me. Sudou’s almost did, but still, I am here.”

And then when Kuroda goes without challenging him again, there’s another quick progression of feeling. 

The defiance begins to deflate in the face of Kuroda’s polite neutrality and shifts back to one of Aki’s defining characteristics. He is open about other people. He is willing to reassess them. That closeup of his eyes--at once puzzled, a little melancholy but also betraying that tender humanism--conveys so much.

Then Asami appears and Aki is rocketed back to all of the feelings of the last chapter, where they were left after Asami drilled him into the mattress, everything still hanging in the air over him. His expression changes again and even in that small drawing, sensei emphasizes with dark lines over his eyes to show us how he still doesn’t know, still doesn’t understand his place in this man’s world. Asami, too, is uncertain but he’s better at masking it. He’s a master at it, in fact, so much so that it leaves Aki at this terrible disadvantage. 

But Asami still doesn’t understand why Aki ran. He didn’t get the answers he wanted in the last chapter. The conversation with Kuroda only antagonized him and now Aki is standing there, glaring at him and he doesn’t get it. Telling Aki to get a bath is--I think, anyway--a bit of an admission of defeat. Or a temporary retreat. He’s got Aki back but he doesn’t know what went wrong or what to do about it. So go get a bath.

And then Asami turns his back and it looks like they’ll go on with their communication problems unresolved but Aki just went through a little transformation, a little realization and has a better footing now and he stops Asami and makes that offer about getting information for him. Sensei poses the question “His pride or the rivalry? What is it that drives Akihito?” All of it! And all of it is part of the same question that will continue to drive him. Where is his place in this? What does he mean to Asami?

All of this emotional tension is diffused in the next chapter when they both unexpectedly get a little of the grace they so desperately need from each other when Asami realizes that Aki was JEALOUS of Sudou:

Asami laughs. He laughs! That’s not just him having a chuckle at Aki’s expense. It’s a classic release of tension. And Aki may be back to his usual in-your-face mouthy denial stuff, but hey! Aki’s back to his usual in-your-face mouthy denial stuff, which means he feels like Aki again which means he feels more secure. Why? Because Asami caring that Aki was jealous means Asami cares because Aki’s feelings are important to him. Aki needed to know that in the same way Asami needed to know he was jealous.

And that is the little emotional journey sensei took us on from bed to bath.

[storyofauke]

Poor aki before he used to be ashamed of his whole relationship with asami and his reflex was to get the fuck away from him but in pray in abyss he start meeting people that were around asami and they pretty much made him feel like asami was someone above him. I really hate that😢

I think he had trouble reconciling his morals with his unwilling attraction to Asami. But you’re right, it’s pretty rotten that so many have such a warped view of personal worth. Unfortunately realistic. I would love to see Asami come to a realization and go down on a metaphorical knee and acknowledge that Aki is the better man.