Solace [headcanon]
Pairing: Touken
Rating: Fluff, Comfort
Disclaimer: A small HC I just brain farted while thinking about touken, as well as my rendition of Touka’s thoughts. This is unedited but I hope you get to appreciate it. Also, to anon, I included your small HC as well. :)
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Their lives had been anything but normal.
Touka knew that - had accepted it since the day her father had left her and Ayato to fend for themselves.
It was then when she had lost her innocence, it was then that she tried to cling onto her brother in hopes that she could keep him alive and keep him with her. Ayato was the only family she had left, for the world took and took everything away from people like them.
For what Touka was most afraid of was losing a person she loved. But it was also what a life of a ghoul entailed.
It was the warmth she missed the most - the warmth of someone's hug, the feeling of someone's heartbeat and the solace that she could find in someone's arms.
She found it in her mother when she used to cradle Touka in her arms when she wanted Touka to sleep. She also found it in her father when he would sleep next to them and envelop them in his warmth. Touka would remember the sound of their hearts beating, and the way they smiled as they held their children inside the warmth of their hugs. Even Ayato would give her the biggest hug and grin when they were younger.
"Toukaaaaaa," he'd giggle, eyes as wide as his grin while his pudgy hands grabbed her into a cuddle. It was in his innocent face where Touka drew strength from, once they were left to fend for themselves. At the end of the day, however hard it was and however shitty the world treated them, Ayato would lean to her and give a small, albeit sad smile - as if to show that he was still here with her. And for Touka, it was enough.
But as she grew older and her family members vanished one by one, she was given the comfort she needed by Yoshimura's arms as she cried on the day Ayato walked away, gave the same comfort to Hinami when Ryokou died and lastly, found the same warmth as Kaneki Ken held her in his arms.
It provided her the solace that she needed - a haven from the world's wrath. But of course, the world always had a way of finding those who hid from its grasp.
So when she finally got married, rediscovering this feeling of calm had been a welcome change in her life.
She never thought that a small cell in the depths of the 24th ward would be her home and give her some sort of happiness that the world had taken away from her. She had just lost the home she had built when Anteiku was taken away from them - burned into the ground as they faced another chapter that was more dangerous than the rest. But with the smiles of the people she cherished back with her again, she drew strength in the notion that her loved ones are finally with her.
And yet, in the small, dimly lit room where the cool breeze of the evening air lay dominant - she found contentment in his arms as Ken held her away from the world and its chaos.
Their cot hadn't been grand, hell it was a rack that a prisoner would sleep on while he was in jail - but the small, crowded space provided her with comfort, knowing that Ken was back in her arms and knowing that he was there with her.
"Are you sure you really want to sleep here with me? It's pretty crowded." His eyes would always be laced with worry that Touka couldn't help but smile. He was always a worrywart, especially now that he knew she was pregnant with their child.
"Do you want me to be somewhere else?" She'd ask cheekily as he pulled her closer, one hand resting on her flat stomach.
"I'm happier when you are here, I can't help but worry you're uncomfortable though."
Warmth traveled to her cheeks as she buried her face in his chest. "Just go to sleep, idiot. You had a long day."
Ken kissed the crown of her head and enveloped her tightly in his arms - the kind of warmth Touka had longed for since she was left alone to deal with the world, the kind that provided her safety from the arms of the world that had been hunting them for slaughter. "Good night, Touka-chan."
She'd always listen to his heartbeat as Ken slept, his expressions tranquil and serene - a huge contrast to how stressed and tired he looked when he was awake. Sometimes, she'd brush his stay hair out of his face, marveling at the notion that he was finally here with her after all these years - that he chose to live his life with her - however short it would be, however hard it was.
So she wanted to make sure to savor all of his time with her - all of these moments, his warmth.
It was difficult to lose this again, heart racing and lungs aching for air while she tried her hardest to reach him after he turned into a huge monster. Her eyes were laced with horror when kagune ate through the 24th ward, knowing full well that the reason it came alive was probably through desperation and an attempt to save everyone.
"Please let him live. Please." She'd mutter this through her breath as she held onto his hand, which was cold and clammy in her touch. She couldn't believe that the one who held her and gave her warmth now lay cold in a steel bed, eyes closed and body scarred and ragged. Both of her hands would clasp his and put them near her lips, in an attempt to warm them up, as she watched over him in prayer.
Looking back, all of the pain was worth it, she thought. For the moment he opened his eyes and left her to face the world, Ken had made sure to come back - all of them she held dear who remained, came back to her.
At times, the fear would always make itself known - would gnaw her insides and make her antsy, sometimes would keep her up at night. But it was when Ken would kiss her goodbye that she would realize, he would do his best to return to her - to them.
And now, here she was, standing near the door of their small haven as she anticipated his arrival late that night. Said door creaked open to reveal a small smile from her husband, his eyes tired but bright as soon as he saw her.
"Welcome back," she'd mutter softly, eyes never leaving him as he removed his shoes and dropped his baggage unceremoniously in the floor. Then he'd pull her into his arms as his head rested where her heart beat - finding comfort in her presence like she always did with him after a long day.
"I'm home," Ken whispered, eyes closed as he held her in his arms.
And it was during these times that she'd realize, as her eyes closed while she leaned into the crook of his neck, that she finally found the solace that she sought for after all this time.
And that she was also finally back home - to her family, where she belonged.











