Fighting with Shawn while he's on tour and almost breaking up. He realizes he's losing you because you're not responding to his texts or calls so he pauses tour and flies home and texts at 3 am begging you to open the door and talk to him. 🥺
Hey girl. I hope you're well. I blurbed. I hope you like it.
WARNINGS: lots of angst. I think there's a curse word or two. talks of cheating.
"I just can't DO THIS anymore, Shawn!" you slammed your hands on the bathroom sink as you got ready for bed, Shawn on the other end of the phone, jumping from your outburst.
"But, it's not true! You have to believe me!" he said, practically yelling in his hotel room.
Shawn was 1,000s of miles away from you on tour. You thought you could handle being away from him for so long, but you couldn't and the rumors of him cheating and the videos of him going out every night were taking a toll on you. Did you really want to live a life like this, only seeing him for a few days at a time while he was in another country or state for months on end? You didn't know anymore.
"No, I just mean. I don't know if I can do this, us, anymore," you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose.
"What-what are you saying?" Shawn asked, his voice cracking.
"I'm saying maybe we should br-,"
"Don't say it (Y/N). Don't say something you're going to regret in the morning because you're angry now. I love you. So much," he said with desperation in his voice.
You just sighed and brushed your teeth, leaving you two in silence for a bit. You spit out the toothpaste and washed your hands, wiping it on the towel. "Who is she?" you spoke after a while.
"Who?"
"You fucking know who," you said, taking the phone in the bedroom with you.
"The girl in the photos? (Y/N). I told you. I DO NOT KNOW HER!" Shawn ran his hand through his hair.
"You seemed to be very well acquantined in those photos," you said, getting under the covers.
Shawn sighed on the other end and sat back on his bed. "A fan took those photos but I promise you nothing happened. She put her hand on my arm and I pulled it off right away. I can't believe you think I would ever cheat on you."
"It's just hard to believe when you're over in God knows where with millions of screaming girls hanging all over you in bars and shit. And the media outlet are having a field day!" you told him.
"Let them post all they want. My only devotion is to you and you should know that," Shawn said, ready to break down.
"Yeah," you sighed, then yawned. "I'm tired. I'm going to bed."
"Ok good night (Y/N). I lov-." You ended the call before he could finish his sentence and put your phone on your night stand and pulled the covers up. You rolled over and tried to go to bed, but wound up tossing and turning all night.
You finally fell asleep and woke up at 12pm. You got up and checked your phone. Shawn had left you a 'good morning :)' text. You locked your phone and walked out to the kitchen, finding something to eat for breakfast? Lunch?
You settled for a bagel and cream cheese and enjoyed your meal as Shawn's name and your familiar ringtone of "Particular Taste" played. You sighed and rejected the call.
When you finished your food, you wiped your hands together and put your plate in the sink, making sure to do the dishes later.
Your phone chimed. 1 New Voicemail, it read. You sighed and rolled your eyes as you hit play. 'Hey baby. It's Shawn (he chuckled). But you know that already. Uh. I don't think it's still night time over there. I hope you got my text and wanted to make sure you're ok. Alright, well I just got done a show, so I'll be available for a couple hours, but call me whenever. Ok? I love you. Bye.'
This boy did not get it. You were trying to ignore him. You went on with your day, not looking at your phone, except to play music on it while you did some chores around the house. It was the weekend and you were off work, so you were extremely bored.
By this point, you had figured Shawn had gone off to bed, so you picked up your phone. You scrolled through social media, retweeting something funny on Twitter. Shawn obviously had your notifications on because not seconds later, he liked your retweet. You rolled your eyes and threw your phone back on the couch, turning on the TV to find something on streaming.
"Andrew. My relationship is in trouble. I could care two fucks about tour right now. I need to go home. We'll just push back some dates," Shawn told his manager.
"I don't know if we can do that, Shawn. I mean these people already have their tickets and-."
Shawn picked up his backpack and walked out the door. "Well, you can't change my mind. I'm getting on the next flight home." He slammed the door and left for the airport.
After you had basically binged the entire first season of "Outer Banks," sleep was getting the best of you and you decided to head to bed. Your sleep was actually pretty good that night until you heard loud banging on the door.
It startled you awake and you started hyperventilating, getting out of bed, phone in one hand and a high-heel in the other.
You were walking towards the door as you heard a man's voice on the other end. "(Y/N)! Open the door, please."
Shawn
You lowered the high-heel and clutched your chest, thanking God it wasn't an intruder.
Your phone chimed and you looked at it. Babe, please. Open the door. It's me.
You texted back. Go away.
You heard him sighing on the other end, happy that you were texting him back.
"Babe," he said through the door. "I don't have my keys," you looked at his keys in the dish by the door. "Please let me in."
You sighed and opened the door, seeing your boyfriend standing there in sweats, his hair disheveled, flowers in hand and a tired look on his face. A faint smile reached his face as you opened the door. "Thank you."
"I only opened the door because it's 3am and I don't want you disturbing the neighbors," you said, folding your arms.
Shawn frowned, putting his head down, looking down at his shoes. "I, uh, got you these." He handed the flowers to you and you didn't take them. "O-kaaaay." Shawn placed them on the counter and put his stuff down. "Babe, I'm sorry."
You didn't look at him. You bite your nail and looked far into the distance, just letting him talk. He sighed. "Can't we just talk?"
"You know, I was sleeping ten minutes ago, so I'm not really in the mood for talking," you said, heading back to the bedroom.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know what time I would get here. I got the first flight out (Y/N)," he said, hanging on the open doorway of the bedroom. "I postponed tour."
You looked up at him, shocked. "Why?"
"Because," he said. "You were mad at me and not answering my texts or calls, so I didn't know if something was wrong or if you were in danger. Plus, I wanted to try to rectify this, fix us."
You sighed, getting into bed. "Well, you shouldn't have postoned tour. That was dumb, Shawn."
"I'd cancel the whole tour if it meant that you weren't mad at me anymore," he walked over to the bed and carefully sat down, making sure you wouldn't chase him away.
You looked him in the eyes, which were now a deep brown as he frowned at you. You sighed. "You really don't know who she is?"
Shawn shook his head fast. "I don't even know her first name." You looked down at your hands, ready to cry. "I promise (Y/N). I would never, EVER cheat on you. Your facetimes were what got me through each day, knowing I'd be coming home to you."
A single tear fell fell from your eye and you wiped it away. "I'm sorry I was such a bitch."
Shawn pulled you close to him. "No no no, babe. You weren't a bitch. Relationships are hard. We fight sometimes, but we always make it, right?" You nodded. "I love you."
"Love you," you whispered. You then sat up and rubbed your eyes. You chuckled a bit. "So how mad was Andrew?"
Shawn laughed. "Oh, I'm pretty sure he's probably trying to find another manager for me right now."
You laughed. "Whoopsies."
"I'm sorry for leaving you for so long," Shawn said, lying on the bed next to you now.
You shrugged. "It's your job, right?"
"Yeah, but it sucks," Shawn said, kissing you for the first time in months. "I miss you every second."
You were starting to cry again as the realization of him coming home overnight just hit you. He let you cry in his chest for a bit. Once you calmed down, you looked up at him. "I can't believe you actually came home for me and postponed tour."
"You come before anything, babe," Shawn said.
You smiled. "You have to go back though. The fans already have their tickets."
He pulled you closer to him. "Shhh. Let's just lay like this for a bit."
a/n : so I'm finally back afer a really long break and I've been so excited to edit and post this one. I should also mention that is my first time writing angst so please be kind. any feedback would be much appreciated!
warnings : none, just 1.5k words of amateur angst and heartbreak
find more of my work : masterlist
It was a pleasant Saturday, the sun was long gone and the moonlight that spilled through the window was just enough to relax you while you worked on your research paper. Doing a PhD was never easy, and now that classes were going on in full swing, you were almost convinced that it was impossible. Your days mostly just consisted of you going to classes, working on essays, trips to the library and maybe watch a little Netflix before you hit the sack. It was a routine now, and you were always used to this life. You found your calm in the chaos whenever you could talk to your boyfriend who was touring somewhere in some city across the ocean. With your time zones never matching and him constantly traveling it was impossible to keep up with his schedule but you both did your best to stay as connected as possible.
When tour first kicked off, you missed Shawn so much. You hated the distance and you spent hours on end talking to him on facetime, blowing kisses and whining about wanting "virtual cuddles". It was a nightly ritual for the two of you to facetime immediately after his show, and since he was still in America at the time, it was easier to find a way to talk when you were both free. Even when you'd be too busy looking into your laptop screen while he was performing for thousands of excited teenagers every other night, there was some kind of warmth, some affirmation, that at the end of the day it was always going to be the two of you together until forever. Even though the physical distance made you sad, your relationship with him never seemed to burn out. Your love for each other was always so strong that the thought of being apart from each other never threatened your relationship.
But things shifted with time and the routine facetime calls went from after every show to every alternate show and then to every few days. You'd only text each other once or twice a day and it always felt like it was just for the sake of it. Sometimes you would go about your entire day and only realize before going to bed that you hadn't thought of him or spoken to him once throughout. You now knew more about him through his Instagram stories than you did from what he told you about tour. The quick ‘I love you’s exchanged before hanging up felt more mechanical than natural. Of course it hurt you, it made you feel guilty and made your heart ache at the same time, but you knew deep down that he was feeling that way too. It's not like he remembered to text you every single day either. It now turned into a subconscious competition of who would start the conversation first. Every text was thought out, typed, backspaced and rephrased. It felt like you didn't know each other as well as you once did. You would overthink not knowing whether a read receipt would do or a reply would be more reassuring. Everything seemed different, and not at all in a good way. As much as you hated to even think of it, a part of you felt that maybe you didn't love him anymore but your heart would never let you admit that.
You often went to bed not feeling sleepy at all, replaying all the memories from the initial stages of your relationship. The giddy first date, the awkward first kiss, the butterflies, the cheesy gifts and all the sneaking around. It felt like you were both different people back then. And maybe you just grew up or grew out of it, but does real love ever fade away? Does it suddenly empty itself and leave a void in your heart? How does it just make everything go away? You always thought, no you knew that he was the one. You still remember eighteen months ago at the fair, when he went down on one knee holding a huge stick of cotton candy in his hand, asking you to be "his honorable girlfriend until the end of time" and promised to never break your heart, you kissed him with everything in you right outside the Ferris wheel knowing in your heart that you already kind of wanted this forever. He had always been the one.
You both appreciated the little things, it was kind of what built your relationship with him. The reassuring glances from across a crowded room that made you uncomfortable, the hand around your waist when a distant friend would be “too nice” to you or the way his fingers played with your hair after a long, disheartening day were some of the many things you loved about your relationship with him. You always felt the need to be physically connected to him and it was almost common knowledge that Shawn's love language too was touch. You desperately missed the way his hand would automatically lace with yours while you walked together and the warmth it spread in you when his hands would go to the back of your neck to leave a tender kiss to your lips. And when one of you had a rough day, the other would kiss the stray tears away and you would both hold each other so tight until your ragged breaths would slow down and your hearts would beat to the rhythm of each other's pulse. All of that now felt like a distant memory, it was like you had him and lost him at the same time. Everything you once had with each other slipped right through your fingers. You would kill to go back in time and figure out anything you could've done differently to give this all a miss because the thought of even having to talk about the collected weight on both of your chests physically pained you. What if this was over? And even if it's not, what if there's nothing left to give? How were you going to go on knowing he's not yours anymore? While you learnt to live a life without him, you never once forgot that he would come right back to you. And now maybe he won’t and there’s nothing you could do about it. So many questions and so many thoughts ran through your head as you were still staring at the text you received about five minutes ago.
Hey I landed sometime back. On my way to Pickering. See u tomorrow? - Shawn
No “babe”. No “honey”. Nothing about the movies he watched on the flight, or the occasional "Omg we're SO watching it together". It was a plain text just to keep you informed. Mechanical. You thought back to the last time he came home from tour, when he first showed up at your door and pushed for you to come spend the weekend with him and his family in Pickering. Gone were those days when he'd ring you up as soon as he had service on his phone again to tell you how tiring the flight was or how much he hated the food, and on hearing that you would order his favourite pizza before he got home. You read and re-read the insipid words on your screen and after a lot of thinking, with a doubtful mind, you typed out a simple response.
Yes. Hope your flight was okay, get some rest tonight!
After humming and hawing for long enough, you hit send and patiently waited for the thumbs up he left under your text as an instant response. His lack of interest in continuing the conversation did sting, but you quickly pushed it away considering the fact that you were going to meet him the very next day and he’d clearly already had a tiring flight back to Toronto. You shifted around, pulling your blanket closer up to your face and just as you turned away and closed your eyes, the screen of your phone lit up again.
We need to talk, don't we... - Shawn
Shawn sat in his car parked outside his childhood home, right leg bouncing unconsciously and staring intently at the text he had just sent. He patiently waited for it to go from 'delivered' to 'read'. But it didn't. His bouncing leg was now shivering and the words he regretted typing out were staring right back at him. His fingers trembled over the screen, and with a shaky breath he unsent the message without giving it another thought. He took his bags and walked up to Karen and Manny at the door smiling widely as he silently thanked technology for saving him. But little did he know that your eyes were on the screen of your phone as you read those nauseating words under his contact name, and then watched the pop up disappear a minute after.
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I'm already working on part 2 and I can't wait to post it soon!! hope you liked this <3
dm me or reply to get added/removed from my taglist.
a/n: it’s been a hot minute hasn’t it???? anyway, summer’s ended and we’re in the new semester which is #tragic because im still doing online school and i barely see my friends. but ya here’s one that’s been sitting in my inbox for awhile, probably gna get yelled at bc its an angst piece but yknow what? suCK IT jk i hope you enjoy as always, leave me a message!!
trigger warning: mention of cheating, general angst and a couple of baby swears
It felt like a war in her own home. Hurtful words shot like bullets through the wreckage. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Shawn and Kiara were supposed to be happy. But somehow through the year long world tour, señorita and the fourth album, they seemed to have lost their way. Date nights were reduced to once a month, and nights in were converted to screaming matches and cold wars. Every moment spent together was a battle against each other, tonight was no different. Shawn doesn’t even remember what the argument was about anymore, they were now just pulling shit out from the past to use as their ammunition.
“Don’t pin this on me, Kiara.”
“I never pinned it on you, Shawn. I’m just stating facts that are known to the whole world. Don’t tell me you don’t see those rumours about you and Camila? And don’t tell me they aren’t true.” She grimaces at the way Camila’s name rolls of her tongue, and the way that her thick Mexican accent starts to peak out when she’s mad.
“They’re not true.” He tries to defend. Kiara scoffs, taking a couple steps away from Shawn.
“Everyone knows you’ve had a thing for her since you were a literal child, Shawn. Don’t need to treat me like an idiota.”
“I wasn’t treating you like an idiot.” Shawn seethed.
“Then tell me the truth!”
“That is the truth, Kiara! I love you, and not her! Why can’t you just believe that we’re just friends?”
“Because I’m not a cabrón. Friends don’t look at each other like that! I recognise the way you look at her, Shawn. It’s the same look you gave me when we first started dating. When you and her had that awkward phase and she was barely in your life, you gave me that look - like I was the most important thing in the world to you.” The part comes out like a whisper and she feels her heart physically break. Shawn watches Kiara walk the borders of the room, eyes fixated on the lines of the tiles on the floor. He wants to stop her from pacing, hold her close so he can stop his mind from racing a thousand miles an hour. But he doesn’t. Instead he keeps his feet planted to the ground, body slumped in defeat as he just watches her.
“You are the most important thing in the entire world to me, honey.” Tears prick at her eyes when he uses her pet name. Kiara knows why this fight started even if Shawn didn’t. It has been a storm that was brewing inside of her for weeks. She had seen an article of Shawn and Camila cozying up on each other when he was away on tour. She didn’t think much of it at first, trusted Shawn with her whole heart. But after more rumours spread and some of her friends asking if she was okay, Kiara finally had enough. A thunderstorm ensued, and it was in no way relaxing for either of them.
“Am I really?” Kiara finally looks up at him, and he nods so eagerly that for a moment she thinks she shouldn’t bring the article up. But the anger makes her hands work faster than her mind, scrolling through her phone to the article her best friend had sent her a couple weeks ago. It was a picture of Camila, with her legs wrapped around Shawn and passionately kissing him on the streets of Nashville. She feels the bile rise in her throat looking at the picture again. He could say that the picture was blur as hell, but anyone who knew them would know that the head of luscious brown locks belonged to Shawn.
“Then explain to me, Shawn. What is this?” She shoves the phone shakily into his hands and he feels his heart plummet to his feet. When he doesn’t respond, Kiara nods her her head and looks at him in disappointment.
“Yeah, I thought so too.”
“I-I wanted to tell you and-“ Shawn scrambles to find the right words, though at this point his efforts seem to be futile.
“When Shawn? When did you want to tell me? Because this picture has been sitting in my phone since the night it happened. I’ve tried so hard to push it out of my mind, and amor I’ve really tried. I didn’t want to give myself a reason to ever use it. But you- you picking fights, and in between tour and the fourth album - we’re no longer the same anymore, and I can’t help but think that this is the reason.” Shawn drops the phone to the table, approaching Kiara and touching her arm. She flinches, moving away from him.
“Don’t.”
Shawn drops his arms to the side.
“Mila was my first real love, Ki.” The way both hers and Camila’s nicknames roll off his tongue so easily in the situation makes Kiara’s stomach churn. He runs his fingers through his hair and continues, “She used to be my world - but that was the past. And that photo, we just haven’t seen each other in awhile and we got really excited so she-“
“So she jumps on to you like you’re her chico amante at the airport? So she kisses you like she’s your fucking girlfriend? That’s some top notch bullshit, Shawn. I thought you’d try harder than that.”
“If you would just let me explain-”
“If you haven’t noticed, there’s nothing left to explain.”
Kiara turns on her heel towards their shared bed room and Shawn’s following closely behind her.
“Don’t walk away from this, Kiara Anne!” In the heat of the moment he raises his voice and Kiara stops dead in her tracks, almost making Shawn crash straight into her.
“You have no right to tell me what to do, Shawn Peter Raul Mendes. You lost your rights ever since that night. I gave you weeks to come clean, to tell me the truth. Instead, you choose to pick fights in every possible situation.” She pokes his chest with her finger when she so desperately wants for someone, for him, to hold her. She wraps her arms around her torso in replacement, willing her tears not to fall.
“All I wanted was a happy ending, Shawn. All my life, I just wanted a happy ending. It didn’t need to be a fairytale happily ever after bullshit, I just wanted to be happy with someone who loved me. I thought it would be with you.” Kiara backs up against the wall, her head tilted back. “Guess the jokes on me huh?” She let’s out a humourless laugh.
“I’m so sorry, honey.” Shawn rubs her arm. She doesn’t move from her spot, and she’s given up on holding back her tears. When her eyes meet Shawn’s, she’s pushing his arms off hers and squirming her way out from the small space between them. Kiara turns to look at him again, and this time the words that spill from her mouth are laced with pain,
"Being in love with a close friend isn't always easy, but being in love with your brother's best friend can be a lot harder. So for Peter, the shy one of the triplets, to fall in love with Raul's bestie was almost a nightmare, but probably the sweetest one"
Hello, lovies, I know it hasn't been that long since the last time I posted something around here, but it feels like ages! Well, I wish I could say I'm finally back, but unfortunately things are getting really stressful and busy right now but I decided to write something just because I like doing it so much, and also, @sinceweremutual and @itrocksmysocks were talking about the triplets I couldn't not do it! So here's a bit of Peter, our soft guy and if you guys like this one I might write something similar for Raul. I'm gonna stop rambling now and just let you guys read, hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
*Word Count: 7.5k+
*Warnings: slight angst, anxiety and panic attack. And maybe a few curse words.
*Posted: July 7th, 2020.
-*-
To say Peter Mendes is a shy person is an understatement. He’s the youngest by a few minutes (not that Raul or Shawn mention it as a small difference) of the triplets, and while Shawn was into music and always on the road and Raul had that bad boy vibe that made everyone around him week on the knees for him, he was just the shy soft brother. Sure, he’s gotten better with age and around people that were constantly surrounding him, he still got nervous talking to a beautiful girl, but he could manage it nowadays. But, unfortunately, every rule has an exception, and Y/N was Peter’s.
She grew up with the guys, living just across the street and being only a year younger than them. She also went to the same school, which automatically made her a part of the trio. Y/N was the kind of girl that Peter likes to think that would be everybody’s “type”, and she could easily fit into anybody’s life in any role she pleases. She’s chill and funny, always up to do anything, but also caring and loving, and he swears he’s never seen anybody more beautiful than her. And the fact that she can be really touchy and cuddly with them since they grew up together always drove him mad.
But when she was a bit older, she and Raul became almost inseparable, they had the same interests and were always going out with friends and to parties. Peter hates to admits this to himself, but he couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous. He feels guilty of feeling like this when his brother and Y/N didn’t know how he felt and when they weren’t anything but friends, even though everyone used to say they would be a power couple. What bothered him is that, deep down, he knew no one would ever see them as a power couple cause she was just too much for him, and he wasn’t enough for her.
So, to keep himself sane and preserve the lovely relationship they shared, when he was around fifteen he decided he was going to shove down his little crush on her deep down on his chest. And everything was going on smoothly. Well, that until Shawn and Raul dragged him to a small gathering of friends, promising he was going to have the time of his life, but he didn’t. He was barely enjoying himself, mostly cause Y/N had a guy all over her, when they decided to play some games. So they sat down in a circle and Y/N decided to join, and sat down beside Peter, and as they started truth or dare, someone asked him who was the best kiss he’s ever received and he mumbled he couldn’t answer it cause he never kissed anyone. And he swear, he would never forget what followed after.
Everyone was a bit awkward after that answer, until Y/N leaned forward and grabbed the bottle, making it spin and dared a random dude to take off his shirt. And then everyone forgot about Peter, which he was actually very grateful. He was too embarrassed about being nearly eighteen and had never kissed someone. So he mumbled something about getting a drink and found his way to the porch, to breath a bit. He sat down at the steps that led to the backyard and he clearly remember feeling a bit weird for being there alone and having not the nicest thoughts about himself swimming on his mind, that until he felt a soft hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.
“Pete, can I sit here with you?” Y/N’s sweet voice made him look up at her, and he nodded without saying a single word, being too afraid to not being able to talk at all.
So she simply sat down beside him and offered him her cup, he silently took it and brought it to his lips, noticing it was only a glass of water and he smiled internally. She doesn’t drink soda. She pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder and stared at the distance, just sitting there silently with him, and he was very grateful about it. She was just perfect and it seemed like she read him like a book. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he held his palm up for her to interlace their fingers, which she did, and they just stood there for a while on a comfortable silence.
“You should go back inside” was all he mumbled after a while.
“I’m not leaning you”
“But what about Brad?”
“Brad’s not my person, you are, and I feel like you could use some company” she said and Peter just hummed not knowing what to say, but Y/N did, she always did “why are you so upset, angel?”
“‘M not”
“Peter Mendes, I know you since we’re three, don’t lie to me, you know I don’t like it” she playfully scolded him and he chuckled.
“It’s just... I’m almost 18 and I never kissed anyone”
“And...?”
“I feel left out, most people done it already and I’m just here, and it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just... girls don’t want me”
“That’s just bullshit, of course girls want you, come on, you’re so damn handsome, angel” she said squeezing his hand softly, with her chin resting on his shoulder to look up at him, but he just could never hold her gaze, not while having this conversation “and you are so damn sweet, you’re everything a girl wants”
“I just wish I could get over it, I don’t know, just kiss someone and boom, done” and with that she giggled “great, now not even you’ll take me seriously”
“No, no, I take you very seriously, it was just cute, you’re cute”
“‘M not cute” Peter grumbled feeling his face heating up and Y/N swear her heart fluttered at that.
“Yes, you are, now look at me” she demanded, but still using her soft tone, that he likes to think she saves it just for him “come on, babe”
The pet name was new and that was what made him turn to face her and mumble a soft “what?”
“You want to get this over with?” she asked and he nodded, so she smiled softly at him “then let me kiss you”
“What?! I-“
“It’s okay if you don’t want it” she said with a calm expression and her soft smile still on her face, but her heart was beating wildly “just thought that if it’s something that bothers you so much maybe I could help”
“I want it, I do” he said way to fast, making him blush and Y/N giggle softly “It’s just- I don’t know what to do”
“You do, you just don’t know that yet, it’s not rocket science, don’t overthink it” she said leaning in a bit and he held up his breath, starting to take off his glasses but she cupped his face stoping his movements and looking at her with doe eyes, she just sighed and mumbled softly “keep this on for me, baby” before pressing her lips to his softly.
It wasn’t a scandalous kiss or anything, but it was the best kiss he’s ever received on his entire life. She just pressed their lips together firmly but in a sweet way and it still made his lips tingle whenever he remembered that Y/N gave him his first kiss.
After that it was harder to push his feelings down, specially when she fell asleep with her head on his lap, holding one of his hands as the other played with her roses smelling hair. But he did his best, being pretty efficient with it, only Raul noticing it many years later when he literally felt like crying when Y/N went to meet her boyfriend’s family, the first time she ever had a very serious relationship to the point where she met the guy’s parents. Shawn suspected but never had the guts to ask, afraid he would only upset Peter, but Raul did, since they lived together and she was always around them, making it harder for him to hide his love for her.
But what mattered to him is that she was clueless about his feelings for her, which was all he ever wanted, for their friendship to not be ruined. He rather have her as his friend than nothing at all. And he loved being her friend, being able to cuddle with her on his couch and even sometimes in bed, even if it was just a platonic thin. Holding her to his chest till she fell asleep to his steady heartbeat and soft caresses.
That’s why, when he was having almost a mental breakdown and over stressing himself over a test he had the other day and he heard her voice alongside with Raul’s coming from the front door he felt his heart calming down a bit. Her presence making him feel better almost instantaneously even being on another room. He heard her heels clicking against the floor as she got closer to the rooms, and Raul mumbling something that he couldn’t quite get that made her giggle softly. He then heard a soft knock and saw Raul poking his head through the door to see if he was awake or busy.
“Hey, Peter, just wanted to check on you and let you know that Y/N’s here, how are you?”
“I’m fine, just studying, is she going to crash here?”
“Yeah, I thought it was too late to send her home, rather have her here safe and sound” Raul said and Peter nodded.
Even though Raul had a hard exterior, he was a real softie inside, specially towards his family and Y/N.
“You’re right, is she there with you?”
“Yeah, she’s afraid you’re going to kick her out”
“I’d never do that to her”
“Told ya, darling” Raul said turning to what Peter imagines to be her on the hallway “I’m gonna head to bed, kay? You know you’re way around the house, I’d stay up with you, but I’m dead tired, hun”
“It’s okay, Raul, thank you, I’m just going to say hi to Pete and head to bed” he heard she speaking softly.
“Okay, goodnight” Raul said before turning his head back inside Peter’s room “goodnight, champ, try to sleep a bit and Y/N wants to say hi”
“Goodnight, Raul” was all Peter said before his brother left and his best friend peaked in “hi there”
“Hi, I know you’re busy, so I won’t take too much of your time, just wanted to say hi”
“It’s okay, come in” he said and he saw her tiptoeing inside, careful to shut the door softly.
She walked straight to him, pushing the book on his lap to the side, so she could sit there and not destroy his notes, wrapping her arms around his neck and breathing him in “I missed you a bit”
“Yeah?” he asked wrapping his arms around her, trying so hard to keep his tone steady “missed you too, angel, college’s been a bit too hard on you, eh?”
“Yeah, on you too, but you’re too good for this, and God, why are you so comfy, Peter? I could literally just spend my night in here” she said nuzzling her face on his neck.
There was nothing new here. She was always very touchy, specially with Peter since he corresponder her touches so nicely. But whenever they spend too many days apart from each other, they both get very clingy, the difference is that Peter’s still worried sick about his test and it’s still too shy around her to take the initiative. Although he never complains when she’s being a bit too needy, he just enjoys her presence.
“I promise you as soon as I finish my last test tomorrow, we can watch as many movies and cuddle as much as you want”
“Sounds perfect” she mumbled before leaning down to take of her heels and he couldn’t help but notice that the little black dress she was wearing had ridden higher than it should, and he has to look away “I’m going to leave you alone now, but don’t overwork yourself, I’m pretty sure you know more than the teacher himself, you’re my little genius? Aren’t you?”
Her question was pretty inocente, but it made Peter swallow down hard as he answered with a short “yes”
“Great, goodnight, angel” she smiled at him and pressed a light kiss to his cheek “see you in the morning” she got off his lap and grabbed her stuff as he replied softly.
But before she left, she looked back at him and to shoot him a little wink, closing the door behind herself as she shuffled to Shawn’s/ guest room.
Great, now he’s stressed and want to grab her gorgeous face and smash her lips with his.
-*-
Some time into the night, Y/N was restless cause she’s done her last test in the morning and slept all afternoon before Raul picked her up to go out with him for a few drinks. She was bored of looking through social media and rolling from side to side on the bed, and since she was comfortable enough with the guys to just go to the kitchen and grab a glass of water or maybe, if she was lucky, Peter baked muffins like he did every Friday and then steal one for her. So when she was about to head to the kitchen, she saw that Peter’s light was still on at 1AM she got worried and hesitantly walked to his room, wearing just his hoodie as a sleep atire. She knocked softly and there was no response, which almost made her take a step back and go mind her own business, until she heard a little sob.
That was all it took for her to softly open the door and slip in to check on the soft boy that was always on her mind and heart. He was laying on the floor, with his feet up the bed and an arm over his eyes, trying to hold back his sniffles and hiccups, and he didn’t even noticed her presence. She took in the way he was on the verge of a panic attack and the room was a mess. So she softly padded to him and kneeled beside him, which startled him and he sat right up trying to dry his face as best as he could.
“Shh, it’s okay, baby, I’m here now” she said cupping his face softly and he leaned in, pulling her right to his chest, trying to use her as a way to ground himself.
They don’t know how much time it took him to collect himself and breath again normally, still letting out a few hiccups and sniffles, but that didn’t stop her from cooing at him softly and scratch at his scalp just the way he liked. They stood there just holding onto each other in silence as he calmed down a bit more, until Peter was leaning away to face her. She started caressing his cheek softly.
“I’m sorry”
“Shh, don’t, it’s fine, you didn’t do anything wrong, baby, why don’t you go to your bathroom and take a warm shower, huh? I’ll make you some tea while you’re in there, okay?” Y/N asked searching his eyes and he nodded, sighing softly “good, baby, now go”
She got up and offered her hands to him, and he took it getting up, heading straight to the bathroom. Y/N ran around the room to put all his notes and books away neatly, getting his bed ready for him to lay and to be cozy. Then she went to the kitchen and made him a calming tea, when she got back, she heard him sobbing inside the bathroom and placed his tea on the first place she could, knocking on the bathroom door.
“Pete? It’s me, baby, open up for me” she tried as softly as she could, trying to hide her panic away as best as she could “please, baby, just want to hold you”
And then she heard a little click, which meant the door was now unlocked, and she just pushed it open as soon as she was able. He was sitting beside the door, looking completely lost and seeming to not being able to breath properly. So Y/N kneeled down again and cupped his face softly.
“Hey, Peter, it’s okay, everything’s fine, I’m here with you, baby, and I’m not leaving you again, okay?” she asked caressing his face softly and she believes she saw him nodding very subtly, his eyes wide “okay, breath with me, angel, yeah?” she offered exaggerating her motions on purpose, so he could follow it easily, and he did “that’s it, you’re doing so good, baby, so good for me”
They kept on with that for a while, until she saw him shivering from the cold tiles on the bathroom wall “you should go to bed” was he managed to say.
“Don’t worry about me, I wasn’t asleep anyway” she gave him a soft smile, placing a kiss on his forehead “let’s get you to change into something and go to bed, okay?”
She knew he showered for the amazing smell on his bathroom and the foggy mirror. So Y/N helped him stand on his own pace, giving him a boxer and sweatpants so he could change, turning around for some privacy, until she felt him leaning into her and tugging her closer. She coaxed him into drinking a bit of the tea to calm him down a bit and convinced him to lay down on his mattress, tucking him in.
“You should get back into bed”
“I’m not leaving you, Pete, do you want me to sleep here? I can bring the pillows and sleep on the floor to give you some spa-“
“No, sleep with me on the bed” he cut her off a lot more confident than he was before, but since he was still Peter, he added a soft ‘please’ in the end.
“Of course” she said before plopping down beside him as he pulled her to his chest.
They’ve been here before, through the whole thing. And she was always the best medicine to calm him down, it was just her soft touches and little encouragements that kept him going. He felt a little helpless for needing her so much and tears started prickling in his eyes all over again, but before he could go through the whole process again, she cupped his cheek and leaned in, their lips barely touching and he felt the air leaving his lungs for a very different reason. His gaze fell to her rosy lips as she kept on staring at his eyes to see if something changed on his mindset.
“I want to try something” it was barely above a whisper but he heard her clearly “I’ve read somewhere it helps to keep your mind a away and clear your thoughts so... can I kiss you, Pete?” she added softly and all he could do was nod.
She then brought her lips to his in a tender and sweet kiss, making their eyes flutter shut as she kept on rubbing soft circles on his cheek with her thumb. And it was just like his first kiss over again. Her soft lips pressing into his, butterflies having a wild party on his stomach, and fireworks everywhere, and suddenly, she was all he could think about and all he could sense, so he pushed his shy side a bit and brought her closer, kissing her more surely and more firmly. But after a short while, she pulled back for air, but not before placing a quick peck on his pouting lips.
“It works” was all he mumbled and she let out a soft giggle and he hummed in response, felling a bit airy.
“Good to know” she said pushing his curls back “I love you too much to see you hurting, baby”
“I love you too” was his response and she smiled at him as they fell into an easy conversation.
And he suddenly felt exhausted, letting out a long yawn and she gave him a knowing look.
“I know, I guess I should sleep”
“You do” she said playing with his wild curls “and so do I”
“Mhmm” was all he said “about-“
“Shh, we’ll talk in the morning, huh, after class” he noticed how she avoided the test thing and he was grateful, pressing a kiss to her forehead and laying on her chest as she kept on petting his hair.
“Goodnight, angel”
“Night, Peter” she answered and he blacked out, exhaustion due to the events taking over his body.
-*-
Waking up was a bit harder than usual, but still, easier than he expected. After last night’s events he was worried he wouldn’t be able to get up, but he did anyway. And he was still feeling a bit insecure, but somehow Y/N managed to get in his head and make him feel like maybe he was capable of doing this test. Speaking of Y/N, Peter felt incredibly warm waking up wrapped up in her, with her smell clouding his senses a bit and that was what made him get up a little bit more excited than usual. His lips still tingled from the simple kiss she gave him last night and he had a stupid grin plastered on his face
He carefully pealed himself from her grasp and managed to make her cuddle to his pillow instead, so he went to the kitchen to grab some coffee and came back with his mug as silently as he could to change. He thought he was doing pretty well when he was buttoning up his jeans, still shirtless when he heard a faint sigh, making him turn around immediately, only to find Y/N smiling sleepily at him wrapped in his blanket. She knuckled at her eyes and outstretched a hand for him to take, and he did it automatically, stepping closer to her like a magnet. She held his hand and place on the back of it a sweet kiss before lacing their fingers
“Just a good luck kiss” she mumbled with a heavy sleep voice and he couldn’t hold back a little chuckle.
“Thank you” Peter replied, sitting at the edge of the bed beside her, running his free hand through his hair, watching her eyes flutter shut “go back to sleep, angel, it’s too early and you’re free to sleep in”
“I will, I just wanted to say good morning first and wish you good luck”
And with that, Peter’s smile could light up the whole building as his heart swelled twice as big “well, good morning” he said leaning in to press a kiss on her forehead “I gotta go, but I’ll come back for lunch, okay?”
“Mhmm” she murmured as she wrapped her fingers on the necklace around his neck, holing him closer to her, pressing a kiss on the corner of his mouth and looking up at him with big doe eyes “good luck, Pete”
He nodded at her, unable to form a proper sentence as his heart stammered on his chest. He got up and reached for his stuff to leave, but before he could, he heard Y/N calling for him with a little giggle, so he turned around looking at her, silently asking her what’s wrong.
“I know your hot, Pete, but I’d rather have this view all to myself, even though it’s selfish, but do you mind putting on a shirt before leaving?” she asked between little giggles and he blushed, grabbing the first hoodie he saw to throw over his head as he mumbled a quick “sorry” and leaving the room.
When he clicked the door closed, he heard her mumbling something and still giggling a bit, making a smile appear on his face as he left for the test.
-*-
Peter left the test with his chest finally feeling light, he felt happy and finally free from the stress that was consuming him. Eager to go back home and find his girl, even though she has no idea of it, still laying lazily on his bed or maybe cooking lunch with Raul, cause the dude couldn’t even boil water. He just wanted to kiss her face and thank her for calming him down for the night and the test, he was just so damn happy. He opened the door to his apartment, only to hear noises coming from the kitchen and music playing softly at the background. And he swear he’s not the type to eavesdrop, but when he hear Raul saying his name he couldn’t help it.
“So you kissed Peter? Out of nowhere?! Wasn’t that a bad idea? With the whole situation you got with him and feelings?” Raul asked and Peter started panicking, did she know he liked her? Or fell for her?!
“I mean, maybe” Peter could literally see her shrugging “but I-, he was just-, I was scared, okay? I’ve never seen him like that before! You would’ve done the same if you were on my shoes, hell, you were the one who told about kissing helps when you’re spiraling, you read the damn article!”
“I know, I just didn’t expect you to do it, specially with him!”
“Why wouldn’t I do it? Raul, seeing him like that broke me, I love Peter with my whole heart, I-, I just wanted to help him, that’s my job as his friend, and if kissing him helps, than I’d do it again”
“Sorry, I-, I just got worried this would make things weird” Raul sighed.
“Of course not, at least it didn’t seem like it did, he’s my best friend, Raul, there are no romantic feelings involved”
“Sure... Shawn’s coming home in a week”
“Oh that’s awesome, I miss him”
“Of course you do, you miss everyone but me”
“Oh, shut up, Raul”
And that was harder to listen than to have a knife in your heart. Peter couldn’t help dropping his backpack to the floor still a bit numb with the whole conversation. Which made Y/N come out of the kitchen, still in his hoodie, holding a pan.
“Oh, great, you’re home!” Y/N greeted him cheerfully and he just gave her a small smile.
“Is it Peter?” Raul called from the kitchen.
“Yeah” she came closer to him with a smile on her face “how was the test, Pete?”
It took him a while to respond, his heart feeling heavy “It was fine”
“Was it really? You seem a bit off” she said gently pressing a delicate hand to his forehead to check his temperature “are you feeling okay?”
“Hey, Peter, Shawn called to say he’s coming home for a few days” Raul finally came into view but quickly a frown formed on his face “what’s wrong? are you feeling sick?”
“I’m fine, guys” Peter said leaning away from Y/N’s hand and he saw a bit of hurt grace her features, but it quickly faded “just a bit tired, that’s all, the test went great, Y/N, thank you, I’m just going to lay down for a while, okay?”
He felt bad seeing a little pout forming on her lips, guilt almost, he didn’t have a good reason to push her away. It was not her fault he felt miserable, she didn’t lead him to anything, she was just being her caring and completely oblivious self. It wasn’t fair but Peter couldn’t help it.
“Okay, hmm we’re doing your favorite dish to cheer you up a bit, I’ll call you when it’s done, okay?” she asked taking a step back and he nodded.
“Thanks” was all he said before getting his stuff and going to his room.
He laid down on his bed, still smelling her perfume on his sheets, but decided to ignore and let the sleepiness that was already there take him to dreamland. He didn’t even noticed that time went by until he felt someone lightly shaking his shoulder and he opened his eyes, only to be met with his brother.
“Hey, Peter, lunch is ready”
“Oh sorry, didn’t notice I fell asleep”
“It’s okay, hmm-, are you really just tired?”
“Yeah, just tired”
“So there’s nothing to do with the fact that you listened to me and Y/N talking about yesterday?”
“How did you-?”
“I saw you standing there after a few seconds into the conversation, but she didn’t”
“Oh... yeah, sorry”
“It’s okay, but if it made you feel this miserable to push her away not so subtly to the point where she’s literally beating herself up for thinking she did something wrong, just maybe you should talk to her”
“And tell her what? That I love her? She would laugh at me”
“Oh, Peter, this is Y/N we’re talking about, she’d never laugh at you, she loves you endlessly, and when everything thought you were weird for never kissing anyone, she called out everyone for being ridiculous and ran after you and even kissed you”
“I know, it’s just hard”
“I know, but try talking to her, you’d be surprised”
“Okay”
“Let’s go eat, she really outdid herself, trying to impress you”
“Oh”
“Yeah, now come on, Peter” Raul said patting his shoulder and Peter was grateful, he know Raul’s not the most sensitive guy on the outside, but he’s thankful that he’s always trying his best to understand Peter’s pout of view.
They went to the kitchen, only to find the table set beautifully with a really amazing smelling pasta on the center. Y/N was just coming back with a bottle of whine and a few glasses.
“Oh, hi” she offered him her softest smile “are you feeling a bit better?”
“Yeah, thank you” was all he answered and she nodded.
They ate in a bit of an awkward silence, with Raul and Y/N sometimes trying to make conversation but Peter was just too much in his head, so they didn’t pressure him, instead, just keeping it quiet so he would have space. After lunch they took the stuff back to the kitchen and she started with the dishes as Peter helped her, but Raul had to leave to pick up his phone, leaving them both alone.
“So...”
“I’m-, I think we need to talk” Peter sighed and she bit her lower lip nodding.
“Sure, I just have somethings to do cause I thought you would want some space, but I can come back as soon as I’m done”
“Oh, okay, is it like soon?”
“Ah bit, Brad’s in town and he called when you were asleep cause he needed someone to talk to, and I told him I’d be free after lunch”
“Oh, sorry, didn’t know you were close friends”
“We’re not that close” she answered finishing up washing as Peter dried.
“You used to be”
“Not really”
“Weren’t you two like a thing?”
“Kind of, nothing serious though, but that was back in high school”
“Didn’t know you still talked to him, that’s all, sorry”
“No need to apologize, I was a bit surprised, but apparently he just needs a friend right now”
“Yeah, he’s lucky to have you” he replied finally looking up at her and she just shrugged.
“I’ll come back soon, okay? Right now I need to go and change to meet him”
“Okay”
“Bye, Peter” she said walking away already ready to leave, and even though he wanted to ask her to stay, he wouldn’t be selfish, so he let her go one more time, and hopefully the last one.
-*-
Later that day, Raul left to meet up with some friends and Peter was losing hope that Y/N was actually going to come back to talk, it was almost 7PM when he heard a knock on the front door. He spent the whole day doing nothing, waiting for her so that they could talk and feeling a bit nervous, but when he opened the door he calmed down a bit. She had a backpack on her shoulder and was rocking sweatpants and a T-shirt. Peter let her in and she got in, so he took her stuff to his bedroom as she sat down on the living room waiting for him, with her shoes already beside the couch, she hated wearing them at home.
“How were things with Brad?”
“He’s better now, he got into a huge fight with his sister because of his girlfriend and he was a little lost on what to do” Y/N answered as they sat side to side awkwardly on the couch.
“Oh, family drama, I feel bad for him”
“Yeah, me too, but let’s forget about him, huh? How are you?”
“Me? I’m fine”
“Pete-, you didn’t seem fine and I’m really sorry about the kiss, maybe it was a bad timing and I shouldn’t have done it, I didn’t want thinks to get weird, I know we’re just friends, and I don’t know if it was it or something else that threw you off, I’m just so sorry, I hate when you’re mad or upset with me, and-“
“Hey hey, no, stop” Peter cut her off as he gently cupped her face “it’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong, you’re fantastic and helped me so much yesterday, I’m the one who shouldn’t have snapped at you for no reason, and I’m sorry”
“But I-“
“Not your fault, I’m not mad or upset at you, only at myself if I’m honest”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, one hundred percent”
“So we’re fine?”
“Perfectly fine”
“Oh, thank God” Y/N said throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him in for hug, which took him a bit by surprise, but he quickly wrapped his arms around her waist “I was so worried about you all day, couldn’t focus on anything else”
“I’m sorry” he mumbled into her hair.
“No, shush, it’s okay, want to order some pizza and watch a movie? I don’t have anything tomorrow, so I don’t have time to head home”
“Or you could just spend the night here”
“Again? Aren’t you tired of me yet?”
“That’ll never happen”
“I can be pretty annoying, Peter” she said letting go of him so sit back on her knees.
“That’s not true, you’re perfect”
“And you’re too sweet for your own good” she said bopping his nose which made him chuckle.
“So that means you’ll stay?”
“Only if I pay for the pizza, is only fair”
“But you made lunch!”
“Raul helped me and it was with the stuff on your kitchen”
“Come on, let me make it up to you by buying you some pizza”
“Nope, you don’t have to make up to me, we’re fine, remember?”
“Yeah, fine”
“Good, now pick a movie” she said before grabbing her phone to order in.
Peter turned on the TV and Raul’s words kept swimming on his thoughts as he rummaged through the options, choosing a particular romcom Y/N liked very much automatically. She then finished the order and locked her phone, hugging her legs close to her chest as she looked up at the tv, but he robotically held her ankle and placed her feet on his lap. And this is exactly why he ignored many opportunities they had throughout their years of friendship to tell her how much he loved her. He didn’t want this to change, this comfortable and familiar, almost domestic routine they had whenever they’re together. He’d rather never have her as anything other than a friend than losing her.
But something about Raul telling him to talk to her, encouraging him to profess his feelings set him off. Raul is never the one to tell someone to just talk feelings without a reason, he’d never directly tell someone how they should live their lives, that’s just Raul. He said it like this was going to be for the best, but Peter just didn’t see how this could be better than what they had. It didn’t make sense. So that’s why he was most likely going to let this opportunity sleep from his fingers one more time, but what he wasn’t counting on was Y/N, being the little observant thing she was noticing there was still something bothering him. So when she confronted him about it, it took him by surprise.
“Why are you lying to me?” she asked out of the blue, making him turn his face to her, only to notice she’d been staring at him the whole time.
“What?!”
“Peter, I know you like the back of my hand, what on earth is going on? You know you can tell me anything”
“I wish I could” he mumbled under his breath but she heard it nonetheless.
“No, no, no, you know you can, come on, it’s just me” she said pulling her feet away from his lap and kneeling beside him on the couch, sitting down on her knees “talk to me, Peter, what’s bothering you?”
And he had to close his eyes for a second and take a deep breath. She noticed he was struggling and placed her hand delicately on his shoulder, squeezing it softly, and starting to rub soothing circles.
“It’s just about what you were talking to Raul when I arrived”
“About Shawn? You know you don’t have to be jealous, I know he doesn’t like to share cuddles, but we can manage it, I didn’t know it bothered you that much”
“It’s not that, well, I didn’t see it that way, but now I do and it’s not great, don’t like to share your cuddles either”
“Then what is- oh!” he could literally see the puzzles fitting on her pretty little head “oh, God, I’m so sorry, I never meant it to be awkward, that’s why I never brought it up”
“So you knew all along?”
“Yeah, for years now”
“And you didn’t- you didn’t push me away?”
“Of course not, that would only hurt us even more, it was already a sensitive topic for me”
And with that he felt a bit better that if she didn’t push him away knowing it all the time, then she wouldn’t now. But at the same time it hurt, that she knew and acted normally, being her touchy self even though knowing he was in love with her. It was a soft way of rejecting him, and it could be worse, but still hurt.
“Yeah, I can understand why”
“Is that why you pushed me away? I know it was a bit to take in, but I didn’t want things to change” she said and he’s not sure he got it.
“Well yeah, it’s not nice hearing that”
“Oh” he could literally see the tears forming on Y/N’s eyes and he suddenly wanted to punch himself to make her sad.
“Shit, don’t cry, angel, it’s okay now, we’re okay, yeah?” he said cupping her face gently and catching the first tear before it could go very far “you’re not going to change our dynamics, we’re happy like this, right?”
“Mhmm” was all she mumbled between a few sobs, a way to hold back her urge to cry and if Peter was confused before, this was all getting worse.
“Why are you crying, hun? I’m the one who should be sad”
“How is that? I don’t get it, Pete, is it that bad that I’m in love with you?” she said it with a little whimper and his heart stopped. Literally stopped.
He just sat there with wide eyes as confusion mixtures with sadness on her eyes. She wrapped her fingers gently around his wrist and took his hands away from her face.
“I’m sorry for saying it out loud” she managed to get out “I think I should go” but before she could slip off the couch, Peter grabbed her hand “it’s okay, Peter, I’ll be fine”
“No, wait, you got it all wrong”
“I’m pretty sure I didn’t, you said it’s not nice hearing that I like you, so yeah, that hurts”
“What?! No! Baby, please let me explain, please” and even though she was hurting, she could never say no to him, so she just sighed and sat back down.
“Alright”
“Thank you” he said taking a deep breath “I was trying to tell you that I was feeling a bit down today because I heard your talk with Raul, and I’m sorry about that, I know that’s wrong, it’s just when I heard my name I couldn’t help it”
“It’s okay” she whispered trying to stop the tears from falling.
“No, it’s not, ‘cause it caused us all this mess and I made you cry ‘cause I can’t seem to simply tell you, for years now, that I’m so in love with you it hurts, and it was awful, hearing from you that you kissed me and that’s just because we’re friends”
“You what?!”
“I know, I’m sorry, I should’ve told you sooner”
“Oh no, Pete, you got it all wrong, I was trying to convince myself that we’re just friends, because I was so sure you didn’t like me like that” Y/N said rubbing her face with her palms to get the tears dried “we’re so damn stupid”
“I can’t believe you fell for me” Peter said trying to hold back a boyish grin from blossoming on his lips “you’re too good for me”
“Shut up, you’re perfect, it was hard not to fall for you” she said and Peter just pulled her into a tight hug “it was always you, Pete”
With that, he kept her tight in his arms as if he didn’t believe this was all real and that he wasn’t going to wake up from this dream. She didn’t seem to mind, not making any effort to pull away, just buried herself deeper in his embrace. But after a while, she pulled away just bit, cupping his face gently as his hands found home on her waist.
“What?” was Peter mumbled.
“Nothing, I- what’s going on on that pretty head of yours?” she gently asked, pushing his curls back softly only to start playing with them.
“I just can’t believe this is real and that this isn’t a dream”
“I hope it’s real, and if it’s a dream, I really don’t want to wake up” she answered and leaned her forehead on his.
Peter’s breath got caught on his throat, and before he could say a word, she leaned in completely pressing her lips to his tentatively making his mind go blank. But before she could pull back and completely regret her impulsive decision, one of his hands trailed up to the back of her neck to keep her head in place as he kissed her back. It was a sweet and gentle kiss, as if to make sure this was really happening. However, when he pulled her a bit closer and she let out a little whimper, they were both gone.
He swiped his tongue on her bottom lip and she quickly opened her mouth to him, automatically deepening the kiss and letting all those butterflies lose. And even thought this was more urgent, it was still Y/N’s Peter, só he was gentle and respectful all the time, hesitantly moving his hands and constantly looking for her consent in the subtlest gestures. Unfortunately they needed air, so they had to pull back eventually, but she kept mere inches apart, with their breaths mixing a bit and they both couldn’t help a huge smile appearing on their features.
“I guess this felt too real to be a part of my imagination” he said lowly as Y/N chuckled.
“Yeah, even though I have thought about our first kiss few too many times to be honest”
“Really?!”
“Of course, I always had a crush on you”
“Even back then?!”
“Sure, kissing you just worsened it, I was crazy about you, Raul wanted to tape my mouth”
“Why?”
“Cause he couldn’t stand me just gushing about his baby bro and not acting on it”
“Yeah, he did the same to me for years”
“He’s a little shit”
“He really is... was I bad?”
“What?”
“Back then, the kiss... was it bad?”
“Oh, Pete” Y/N giggled “of course not, if it was, I wouldn’t be dreaming about kissing you again, silly”
“You have?”
“Yes”
“Well, now you can... you know, it you wan-“ Peter was cut off by her lips colliding with his one more time, this time a bit more urgent and less innocent.
Well, to say Peter was finally happy was and understatement, he was over the moon.
-*-
*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.
*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.
*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!
A/N: Hi hi!! Switching up from my usual angst and writing a bit of fluff ☺️ I love reading whatever you all have to say––it brightens up my day! Let me know if you have any requests or just want to chat! I loooooveeee making new friends💗
I’m trying to build up my masterlist so please if you have anything you want to request, my inbox is wide open!!
(come request or chat if you’d like)
Warnings: None :)
Word Count: 4.6K
“And I’m telling you,” you took your bike out of the garage and put the kick stand in place before turning around to face Shawn, “It’ll be less crowded on second street.”
Shawn took hold of the handlebars of your brother’s bike and rolled it out, “But you said that there weren’t any shops or restaurants down that end.”
Once Shawn was out of the garage, you walked over to the electric security pad that had control to open and close the doors. You dialed in the digits of your grandma and grandpa’s birthday and watched the pad light up green as the garage doors began coming down.
“Do you want to get noticed?”
Shawn stood quietly for a few moments. It was day three of your five day mini-vacation visiting your grandma at her beach house and Shawn had yet to be spotted. The two of you were granted privacy with the house being located on the back bay. During the days you could swim, kayak, and paddle board without anyone bothering the two of you––besides your cousins and family.
It was all very serene; lounging around the family bay house, with your boyfriend, that you had spent every summer at. You had given Shawn a tour on the first day of all the essential places you spent most of your time as a kid. You took him by the best pizza shop in town, best ice-cream parlor, the soccer field you had camp at when you were ten, the alley way you turned down when you broke your wrist, and where you had your first job selling popcorn on the boardwalk.
The beach town was something straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel, a tiny quaint town where everyone knew each other’s business, but that didn’t stop the reality of Shawn’s persona. The first few days of the week were fine, you were able to take Shawn out to the boardwalk without anyone noticing him with his sunglasses and hat, but now it was the weekend. And the weekend meant that everyone from the mainland and bordering states would make the two hour drive down to the beach for a little getaway.
The beach town would be crawling with girls who would no doubt spend every minute of their weekend hunting for Shawn.
Finally, he shrugged his shoulders, “I guess you’re right.”
You didn’t like the dejected tone of his voice. So you left you bike and walked over to him. He was toying with the gear shift on the bike when you placed your hand on top of his, “If we get hungry we can bike down––or even walk––it’s not that far, promise.”
A small smile made its way onto his face as he flipped his hand over to squeeze your hand, “Sounds good.”
“Good,” you smiled as you removed your hand and went back to your bike. You kicked the kick stand up and lifted yourself up on the bike, “It’s like a 3 mile ride––“ Shawn’s jaw dropped, “––It’s all on flat ground!” You defended the mileage and gave him a once over, “And besides, you’re in shape, you can handle it.”
Shawn smirked as he slightly lowered his black sunglasses, “Checking me out, y/n?”
Even though Shawn was your boyfriend, you still blushed profusely, “I––Well, yeah. Yeah, I was.”
Shawn laughed and swung his leg over to the other side of the bike, “Good.” He then lifted himself up and peddled out of your cobblestone driveway and down the street, “Lead the way!”
You rolled your eyes and started peddling fast to catch up to Shawn. It was a little harder for you to speed up than him because you had a cruiser while he had your brother’s mountain bike. And while it was flat land you would be biking on, it was hot out.
Conversation was kept to a minimum biking down the main road, but when you led Shawn down the bike road, you were able to ride side by side and not worry about speeding cars. The bike road was the street over from the main shopping district of the town, so you were able to hear the chatting of people instead of the ocean waves.
Even though you and Shawn were riding in tandem, the conversation was still nonexistent. Shawn would occasionally ask you about certain areas you two had passed and if they had any significance in your childhood. Most of the time you always had a story for a place.
You had soon made it down to second street and just had to ride up the street in order to get to the beach. Waiting at traffic lights annoyed you, so you and Shawn would play “what are the odds” whenever you were stuck at a red light.
Shawn lost a round right when you pulled up to the boardwalk path that led to the beach. He was supposed to drink out of the spicket that beachgoers used to rinse off their sandy shoes.
“Please don’t,” you pleaded with him as you chained both of your bikes to the railing, “I don’t want Andrew calling me up asking me how you got dysentery on your vacation with me.”
Shawn shrugged and placed the two beach chairs on the sidewalk as he hovered over the spicket with a scrunched up nose, “When you lose odds, you lose odds, and if there’s nothing I stand by more it’s the rules to that game.”
You snorted, “That makes me feel confident tin our relationship.”
Shawn whipped his head up with a smile, “Odds are a way of life.”
With a roll of your eyes, you plucked your backpack out of the wicker basket attached to your bike and slung it over your shoulders, “C’mon, we’re wasting time and it’s a stupid game please don’t––Shawn! That is disgusting!”
He was only hunched over for less than a second before he turned the water off and wiped the water on his mouth off with the back of his hand, “That was pure salt water.”
“No shit,” you walked up to him and smacked him in the middle of his chest, “We’re next to the beach.”
With no response to his stupidity, Shawn took hold of your hand as he bent down to grab the handles of the beach chairs you would be using. The two of you walked up the sandy boardwalk ramp and you were prepared to see a beach tagger sitting in a chair at the bottom fo the ramp.
You were expecting to see a beach tagger that you knew. One of your friends who lives in the beach town year round had worked the second street beach location for the past year and a half. But he wasn’t sitting in the navy blue chair designated for beach taggers. There was a teenage girl who looked to be sixteen.
Immediately your hands began to sweat and Shawn looked down at you curiously. You chalked it up to being hot from the bike ride and just needing to get in the water. He seemed to believe it.
It felt like walking to the beach tagger took ages, but in reality it was a ten second walk down the ramp. She was reading a book and didn’t pay attention to you two at all, “Do you need to buy a day tag?”
You shook your head, “Uh––No. We have season passes––here,” you brought up the strings of your back pack where you had two beach tags pinned.
The girl dog eared her book and looked up at you before looking at the passes, “You’re good to––“ her abrupt stop to her sentence made you wince. You knew she looked up again at you. And you knew that she looked up at your boyfriend, not expecting to see Shawn Mendes, “…Go.” She cautiously finished up her sentence.
“Cool, right, yeah––Thanks.” You took off down the dunes and dragged Shawn along.
“What are you––Slow down,” Shawn whined as he kicked up some sand. You slowed down a bit, but as you did, you turned your head over your shoulder and saw the teenage beach tagger not engrossed in her book like she had been before. She was rapidly typing on her phone.
You knew she was telling someone she saw Shawn when she turned her head and made eye contact with you. Her smile was giddy, and you couldn’t blame her. Working as a beach tagger was literally sitting and do nothing for hours. It was boring. And now she had just seen Shawn, a musical performer that you assumed she liked, and it had probably made her entire summer.
“She noticed you,” You muttered under your breath as you and Shawn found a good place to set up your chairs.
Shawn unfolded a chair and pushed it into the sand,“Hm?”
“The beach tagger,” you nudged your head over in the direction you had just come from as you unbuttoned your shorts and flung the t-shirt over your head. You took the sun tan lotion out of your backpack, “She noticed you and she’s telling people she saw you.”
Shawn rolled his eyes as he got the second chair in place and took the sun tan lotion from you, “So what?”
“So,” you stressed as Shawn began rubbing the lotion in on your back, “People will find out that you’re here and mob you.” Your eyes involuntarily closed as you felt Shawn’s hands work deep on your shoulder blades, “We did so well the past few days.”
Shawn laughed as he brought his hands on your shoulders, lifting your bikini straps so he could get sun tan lotion under them, “We were cooped up in your house for three days.”
“We still went out and did stuff!” You exclaimed as Shawn glided his arms down your arms to wipe away any excess sun tan lotion. Your breath grew shallower as he slid his hands slowly down to your hands and played with your fingers. He intertwined your hands and pulled your back into his chest.
Shawn then crossed your tangled arms over your stomach as he leaned down to rest his chin on your shoulder, “I don’t care,” he kissed your cheek, “I like being in public with you.”
His breath was hot as he hung over your ear for a split second before untangling one of his hands and trailing it up the front of your stomach, “Although…If she hadn’t seen us maybe we could’ve been a bit more…” he let his sentence trail off and your eyes widened when you felt Shawn’s fingertips lightly graze under your bikini top.
“I think your mother would absolutely cut your head off if she saw any pictures like that in any publication.”
Shawn let out an overdramatic sigh as he removed his fingers the under part of your top piece and hooked his arm around your waist, “I know,” he squeezed you tight, “Such a shame.”
You laughed and untangled yourself from him. You picked up the sunscreen and squirted some lotion into your hand, “Now, if there’s one thing Andrew will call me up about, it’ll be because of how burnt you got.”
With no response, because Shawn knew you were right on that one, he turned around and bent his knees so you could lather up his back. You took longer than necessary, wanting to spend more than necessary feeling every crevice of his back. By the time you had applied three coats to him and told him almost done for the seventh time, you knew it was time to stop.
The next few minutes the two of you applied sunscreen to your face, arms, legs, and Shawn insisted he get your stomach. Can’t ever be too prepared for the sun, he said, you could always miss a spot.
And you never denied having Shawn’s hands roam your body.
It was just after twelve, with the sun being at its hottest point during the day, and all you wanted to do was jump in the ocean. The smell of the salt water and squawk of the seagulls mocked you for not being allowed in.
“You have to let it soak in,” Shawn berated you, “You grew up on the water, don’t you know that?”
“I do,” you grumbled as you leaned back into your chair, “I just feel really sticky from the sun tan lotion.”
Shawn muttered something about you being needy and you kicked sand his way. After a few more moments of sitting down, Shawn stood up and held his hands out for you to take, “Up.”
You didn’t question his simple command and reached your hands out to grasp onto him. When your hands connected you couldn’t ignore the jolt of electricity that still zipped through your veins like the first time you had ever touched him.
He dropped one of your hands, but kept the other hand held tight in his. Just like you had told him, there was barley anyone on the second street beach. It was more residential up this way of the town and all of the weekenders went to the main strip of the boardwalk to have easy access to food, bathrooms, and mini golf.
You meandered down toward the ocean and walked up to where the ocean waves just met the shore line. The two of you just stood there, watching the tide bring in little broken shells and then take them back out to the ocean. After a few moments, Shawn squeezed your hand and the two fo you began walking along the shallow part of the water.
“Thought we had to wait to get wet,” You chuckled as the waves barely covered your feet for ten seconds.
Shawn kicked some water, “Needed to cool off, plus, I think our feet are fine.”
You hummed in response, not knowing what else to say.
Conversation was never pressured in your relationship. The two of you prided yourselves on enjoying each others company more than anything else. But there was something off with this offbeat silence of ocean waves.
“Talk to me,” You nudged his shoulder with yours and looked up at him. He looked down at you with a fond smile, “Something’s up.”
Shawn nudged your shoulder back and chuckled, “I’m fine.”
You rolled your eyes, “Did you really just pull the I’m fine card with me?” Your tone was light hearted, but when Shawn’s unnerving silence carried on, you changed your tone to one more of concern, “Are you nervous for tour?”
“Will you miss me at all?”
Shawn didn’t miss a beat with his response. It was as if he had the question echoing around his head all day and was just waiting for the right time to bring it up. The point of the mini-vacation was to spend as much time with Shawn before he jetted off to Europe to embark on a summer tour. He had already completed his rehearsals so right after this weekend was done, he would be flying to New York City to meet up with Andrew and the rest of his crew, and then flying over to Amsterdam.
You had met Shawn through a mutual friend at university when he happened to show up at one of the house parties. And since then, the two of you were constantly together; whether it be on FaceTime, phone calls, texting–literally anything. Right from the start Shawn had expressed interest in you and wanted to skip the whole friends first phase.
He was impatient, but it was a decision that you agreed with. His personality was infectious and his laugh was addicting. You didn’t want to waste any time pretending like you weren’t interested in him.
That was October and it was now the first week of June. The only time you experienced Shawn on tour was for his Jingle Bell tour run in December. And while he was just in the United States, it was still complicated to keep up with his schedule and tour demands. It was early on in your relationship that you had to learn to adapt to his lifestyle. He thought it made him undesirable, but it made you appreciate being in his presence and seeing his smile a million times more.
But a European tour was different. This was day after day for months on end with an intense time zone difference. It was going to be difficult, you didn’t lie to yourself about that, but you were confident enough in your relationship that it wouldn’t change anything.
So when Shawn instantly asked you––will you miss me at all––at all––In the least confident voice you had ever heard come from his mouth, you felt your heart get carried away with the tide.
“I––Of course I’ll miss you,” you spoke in a strained voice, not liking whenever this topic was brought up, “I––I’ll miss you everyday, Shawn, but you’re going to have so much fun.” You squeezed his hand.
He sighed and ran a hand through his curls. One of them bouncing back in place, “I know…I know…I just––I don’t know.”
“Hey,” you stopped walking. It took Shawn a few seconds before he was pulled back since he was continuing walking down the beach and you came to a standstill. You squeezed his hand and spoke softly, “We have a plan, we’ve talked about this.”
Shawn kept his eyes trained out toward the ocean’s horizon, a far off look in his eyes; pain.
“I know––I don’t even know why I said that––Just, forget it. It’s not important.” He went to start walking, but again, he was pulled back by your hands still being connected and you standing still, “Y/n…”
You tugged on his hand again until he stood next to you. Both of you were now looking out into the unknown ocean, “It’ll be hard,” you gulped and Shawn responded with a monotone yeah, “But we can do it. It’ll be hard, but we’ve done some distance before, this is just a bit…longer,” you realized that what you were saying wasn’t really helping the situation.
You sighed, “I’ll always pick up your calls.”
“What if you’re at your internship?” He fired back.
“Then I might not answer it,” you answered honestly, “But––I’ll say I have take a bathroom break and then I’m all yours for fifteen minutes.”
“Fifteen minutes?” It was the first time Shawn broke concentration with the ocean and stared at you with wide eyes, “That’s a fucking long bathroom break.”
You shrugged and offered him a soft closed lipped smile, “I’ll just say it was a terrible shit.”
Shawn tilted his head back in laughter. His eyes were shut tight and his mouth let out a laugh so pleasing that you wished to be the only one to hear it for the rest of time, “They’ll never let you go to the bathroom again––Or––Or they’ll have you clean it up.”
Again, you shrugged and smiled up at him, “Worth it if I get to talk to you.”
“Even if I have to hang up like thirty seconds later?” Shawn’s voice returned to its anxious state, “Even if you call back like right after I call and I don’t pick up––“
“It’s all worth it,” you leaned into his side and brought a hand around his waist. He slung an arm around your shoulder and pulled you close, “Even if I get your voicemail.”
“I’ll miss you,” Shawn spoke lowly. The raw tone of passion and honesty that he held in his voice sent chills down your spine that made you want to wrap yourself in a blanket in the middle of summer, “I’ve––I don’t think I’ve missed anymore more than you before and I haven’t even left yet.”
You never felt a smile overtake your face just like the one you had plastered on your face right now, “Good,” you were sure your smile was blinding the sun, “Because I love you too much for you not to miss–––“
You cut yourself off faster than the thought left your lips. I love you too much. You had been in a relationship for around eight months––close to a year––and the two of you knew that you loved each other, but it’s just never been spoke out loud before. Shawn knew your reservations with that word and respected it. It wasn’t that you didn’t believe in love, or had a bad history with an ex-partner, but it was the commitment that the word brought out. It was commitment that this relationship had potential to be something more than just boyfriend and girlfriend.
Love was the closet thing that the world had to magic; it seemed too dangerous to throw around something so magnificent in power.
Your mouth went dry, “I––Well, you––You’re gonna be gone for so long and I––You better not miss Brian more than me or we’ll have a serious issue––But like, I get he’s your best friend, but I’m your girlfriend––Eh––Hold on, that sounded really possessive and weird because like––I like Brian and I like your friends––Your whole world shouldn’t revolve around me––“
“I love you, too.”
“Because if it revolved around me, then we wouldn’t have a healthy relationship and––What?”
Shawn tilted his head and shifted your body so that you were in front of him, eyes locked, “I love you.”
“You––What?” It was the second time Shawn spoke those words to you, but you still couldn’t process the information.
“I love–––“
Your eyes closed as your heart opened up, waiting for Shawn to kiss you after telling you he loved you again. His lips softly touched yours before he was interrupted from finishing the sentence you wanted to hear from him and only him for the rest of your life.
“Are––Are you Shawn Mendes?”
It was a bit of an awkward situation. Shawn had his hands on your waist and your hands were flat against his muscular chest. His lips were still hovering yours and he let out an annoyed sigh as he continued rubbing his thumb softly over your hip.
Reluctantly, he pulled away and plastered on a smile that you knew was a bit forced.
“Hey, yeah––I’m Shawn,” He introduced himself as he still kept an arm thrown over your shoulder, “And what are your names?”
The three teenage girls all looked at each other silently screaming about how they couldn’t believe they had run into Shawn Mendes in their tiny beach town. You always enjoyed being present when fans met Shawn. You loved how they looked at him like he hung the moon in the sky, but you were pretty sure you looked at him the same way too.
Shawn conversed with the fans for a few minutes, asking their recommendations for places to go in town, where their favorite mini golf was, and telling them all what he had done the past few days in town. Of course they brought up the dreaded topic of tour and you felt Shawn tense up as he sputtered out his media trained response; it’s my favorite part of the job, I can’t wait to get back out and see everyone again. While that statement was true, you knew that he was more apprehensive about this tour and what leaving you behind meant.
You took their pictures individually with Shawn and then a group picture of the four of them. One of them asked for a picture with you, which you politely declined.
“It was really nice meeting you girls,” Shawn flashed his signature smile, “But could you hold off on posting those for a few days? I’m really trying to stay low key and relax before tour.”
They all nodded their head vigorously––Of course, Shawn–––We wouldn’t want to invade your privacy, Shawn––We’re just so thankful you took time to talk to us, Shawn––We totally get that you want to spend time with Y/n, Shawn.
Their last statement made you smile.
The girls walked off holding onto each other’s wrist whispering––Did that really just happen?! Shawn Mendes?! Here?!––and you grinned up at Shawn who was already beaming down at you.
“You just made their day.”
“Ah,” Shawn tsked, “You just made my day.”
You rolled your eyes and shrugged his arm off your shoulder and began to walk away in embarrassment. Of course you were going to talk about what had slipped through your lips just moments ago, you wanted to talk about it, but you didn’t want any teasing from Shawn.
“Hey,” Shawn whined as he managed to grab your hand before you were too far away. He pulled you back into him and resumed the position you found yourselves in before the polite fans not-so-politely interrupted your moment.
His hands felt soothing on your roasting hot skin, “I love you.”
His nose brushed yours softly as you let your eyes flutter close and let out a content sigh, “I love you, too.”
And just like that, you felt as if everything aligned perfectly in the world. Everything in your world felt complete. The sun shinned with a new meaning, the salt water air smelled sweeter, and the thumping of your heart beat with a new purpose.
You loved Shawn Mendes.
His lips touched yours lightly, no more than they did just before the girls interrupted, admittedly, you expected more of a kiss for saying I love you for the first time to each other.
“Remember; you told me you loved me five seconds ago,” Shawn rushed out in a whisper.
You opened your eyes, “Wha––“ but before you could register anything, you felt Shawn grab your waist as he hoisted you over his shoulder. You felt his shoulder collide with your stomach and your vision of his face was replaced with his swim trunks. You weren’t that upset about that part.
But as soon as stereotypical thoughts of your partner’s butt came into mind, you felt the cold ocean water hit the back of your calves. You managed to lean up slightly and hook your legs around Shawn’s torso. His musical laugh rang through your ears once more as he adjusted his hands to grip the bottom of your thighs that clung to him for dear life.
You wrapped your arms tightly around him as you nuzzled your face into his neck and shrieked, “Shawn! Don’t you––“
Before you could finish your sentence, Shawn let both of you be consumed by the salty ocean water. The temperature of the water didn’t feel remotely as bad as it had before now that your whole body had been in the water, but it was still not a pleasant surprise.
Once Shawn lifted both of you up for air, you smacked his shoulder, “Why did you do that?!”
Shawn shrugged, “I don’t know,” he offered you a guilty smile, “But you love me, so it’s alright.”
You opened your mouth, but couldn’t find anything to rebuttal that statement. You loved the way his eyes glistened under the sun. You loved the way his wet hair stuck to the sides of his face. You loved the way he listened to the nonessential details of your life. You loved the way Shawn put his best work forth in music, family, life, and with you.
So, yeah, you couldn’t be mad at him. You weren’t mad at him.
There is a lot of compromising, and learning new things about the other that you might not like very much.
Maybe your wife leaves her wet towel on the bed. Or your husband just kicks his shoes off wherever he is.
In Shawn and Y/n’s case? Things went much deeper than laundry and clutter.
Shawn was on tour for 9 months of their first year. He’s just recently returned home.
Now the long distance thing, him constantly on the move, time zones interfering with facetime dates, it’s nothing new to these newlyweds.
They’ve been together for 4 years now, they’ve survived 2 world tours.
It’s just, when Shawn returned home this time, something was off. For the first few days it was constant; ‘I love you’s and heaps of cuddles. To be truthful, they never really left the bedroom until his third official day when they really needed to get food.
But now it’s been almost 3 weeks since he’s come home, and it’s been 2 weeks of constant fighting. It’s almost become unbearable for them to be in the same room as each other.
With brave faces on they went to Karen and Manny’s for Sunday family dinner. But the tension is high, you could practically cut it with a knife. Shawn didn’t dish up Y/n’s plate, she didn’t offer to get him a drink when she went to get hers, they aren’t all over each other like normal, and what really caught his parents attention is the fact that he hasn’t told her that he loves her since he arrived.
Shawn is a very affectionate person, always has been, always will be. With his job, it takes him away from those he loves most, so when he is around them he makes sure they know that he absolutely adores them. Y/n is the one he tells the most.
It’s very unusual to go longer than an hour with Shawn not telling her that he loves her.
Karen gave her Mom code to Manny, letting him know he’s in charge of speaking to Shawn while she sought out Y/n.
While she helped her in the kitchen, finishing up the dinner dishes Y/n let a shaky breath slip and Karen was on her in a hot minute.
“Let’s go talk.”
“About?”
Karen gave her the Mom look and Y/n sighed, nodding as she reached for her coffee cup.
“Let’s head out to the back porch.”
**
“Shawn,” Manny spoke up, leaning against the door frame of the old playroom Shawn and Aaliyah shared. “Let’s have a quick chat.”
“About?” Shawn inquired, watching his Dad open the balcony door and step out.
“Just come talk to me.”
Shawn sighed, hanging his head and groaning as he followed his Dad outside.
21, married, and living on his own and he was still getting in trouble with his Dad.
Manny’s just about to take a deep breath to start this conversation when he hears Y/n’s voice.
“What’d you wanna talk about?”
“Oh Honey,” Karen coos.
Shawn’s brows furrow and at the same time both boys lean over the balcony rail to see Y/n and Karen leaning against the porch fence. Karen is rubbing Y/n’s shoulder as she bury’s her face in her hands.
“It’s been so rough since he got home.” She cries. “I don’t know how to fix it. I really don’t know what’s wrong, or what I did to make him so upset with me.”
Shawn’s breath catches in his throat, training his ears to listen intently.
“What do you mean?” Karen asks.
“I don’t know what happened? I mean I’m utterly in love with him. Nothing changed for me. He got home and we were really good for like a week and then everything, I don’t know, everything just shifted.”
“Shifted how?”
“He stopped coming to bed with me at night, and then he stopped coming to bed at all. I’ve woken up and found him asleep on his office couch,” A strained cry choking it’s way through her throat, “He’s even gone as far as the guest room.”
“I didn’t want to wake you.” Shawn mutters.
“He won’t talk to me anymore, we only scream at each other. It’s like we’re roommates and not husband and wife.”
Manny’s shaking his head, looking at his son with a touch of disappointment in his eyes.
Shawn starts to crumble, he can’t believe he’s ever made her feel this way. He brings his left hand to his forehead, rubbing away at the stress. The cold of his ring shocking his skin.
“Have you talked to him about it?” Karen ponders.
“No, she hasn’t.” Shawn answers to himself.
“I try to everyday,” She looks over to her mother-in-law. “But I chicken out every time because I’m so scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“That he’s gonna leave me.” She sobs, breaking Shawn’s heart completely at the sound. “I’m scared that I don’t make him happy anymore. That I’m not enough for him. I warned him that I thought this was gonna happen. That he was going to wake up one morning and realize that he settled for me. That he wasn’t gonna want to do this life anymore, that he was going to want so much more.”
“You are more than enough.” Karen tells her sternly, hates to hear her daughter-in-law speak of herself in such a way.
“Really I’m not Karen.” She shrugs.
“Yes you are!” Shawn tugs at his curls.
“I can’t go on tour with him, or travel at all with him like he wants me to.” She starts explaining the reason why she feels the way she does, and Shawn’s head lolls back because he’s never listened to her reasons. “And I never feel like my feedback is enough when he asks for it. He’ll have me listen to something, and I’ll tell him what I think but all I can hear in the back of my head is that I don’t know the first thing when it comes to creating music, so how the hell am I supposed to help him? He asks my opinion, I give it, and he does the exact opposite of what I’ve just said, so what’s the point in trying?”
“I want your feedback! That’s why I ask! If you don’t like it then it’s not the right fit for me!” Shawn hisses.
“And have you seen him? Like Karen to do you know that you birthed a Greek god?”
Karen snorts, shaking her head a little.
“Compared to me? The poor ratty peasant he picked up on the side of the street?”
“Hey,” Karen says.
Shawn turns around, whipping the balcony door open and stomping down the stairs, grumbling the whole way about how you always say stuff like that and it drives him insane.
He just about rips the back porch door off it’s hinges when he opens it.
Y/n and Karen jump, turning to look at the fuming Shawn coming their way.
“Call yourself the ‘poor ratty peasant’ one more time.” He growls. “I dare you.”
“Shawn,” She sighs, realizing he’s heard everything she’s had to say.
“You are not,” He shakes his head, trying to calm down and gather his thoughts. “You are not just someone I’ve picked up on the side of the street. You are the angel that was sent in my direction to show what it’s like to want to live for something. You’re the calm to my chaos, and the chaos to my calm.”
Karen excuses herself back inside where she meets Manny in the kitchen.
“Shawn,”
“No!” He says, stopping her from interrupting him. “We’ve got things to work on, I know that. We both do. I’m sorry that I’m not that easy to live with, I’m sorry I’m not easy to be married to. But if I ever hear you say that you’re afraid that I’m gonna leave you again I think my heart will physically break in half. I can’t believe that I got us into a place where you were afraid to speak your feelings because you thought I would leave you.”
“Shawn, you’re, what? Not easy to be married to? Marrying you was the easiest thing I’ve ever done, because it was like finding my missing puzzle piece.”
“The night I fell asleep in my office? I honestly fell asleep in my office, I didn’t mean to. You went to bed, I kissed you goodnight when you came to tell me, I told you I’d be in shortly, you were wearing my favorite Eddie Vedder shirt, your hair was in a messy bun and you hadn’t taken your make up off. I remember thinking that you’d probably fall asleep with it on and that I should find your wipes so I could take it off for you.”
She gasps as he recalls the night, “You remember?”
“Of course I do, looking at you in my shirt, with your hair and mess and face sleep swollen I remembered why I married you, and I fell in love all over again.” He smiles sadly, “I was writing my new song, I wanted to get the lyrics right and when I saw you looking like that it was like a light bulb went off, so I got to writing and the next thing I knew you were leaving for work after kissing my forehead goodbye.”
“So you meant to come to bed?”
“Of course I meant to come to bed!”
“Then what about the guest room?”
“That was the night I went out with Brian and Matt, remember, it was guys night, the first one since I had been back from tour. Brian was determined to get shitfaced, and while I didn’t get as wasted as he did, I did get pretty sloshed. When I got home you were already in bed, and I knew you had just washed the sheets that day, and would be so upset with me if I went to bed smelling like a bar. I was so tired, and drunk that I wasn’t in the mood for a shower, so I decided to sleep in the guest room so I wouldn’t make your sheets smell bad. My drunk brain thought it was the greatest idea I’d ever had.”
She smiles at his dumb tactics.
“Quite honestly my sober brain thinks it’s pretty smart as well. You had literally just washed the sheets. I smelt like tequila and cigarettes. What was I supposed to do?”
“You could have told me the next morning so I didn’t spend the next 2 weeks thinking that you didn’t want to sleep next to me anymore.”
His shoulders sag and he reaches out for her.
“I can barely sleep without you next to me.” He mutters into her hair.
“It feels so good to talk to you again.” She sighs.
“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean for it to seem like I was pushing you away.”
“I’m sorry for yelling at you so much lately, I just, I can’t cope with the thought of not being enough for you.”
“Stop saying that! You’re more than enough. You’re everything and then some.”
“Can you just take me home and hold me tonight?”
“Of course I can Honey, let’s go.”
They walk back inside, where Karen and Manny are sipping their coffee as the couple slips their jackets on.
Shawn looks to his parents and gives them a nod, “Thank you.” He says, arm holding his wife close. “I love you both.”
Promt: Shawn's in a real relationship with the reader in the midst of the PR stunt. Mild angst.
Author's note: This was yet to be edited. Spare me for misspelled words.
*****
We're a train wreck. It's too much. I miss him and he doesn't even give a fuck. First, it was just the pictures, then came the kissing video, VMA's performance and last but definitely ain't the least, the video Shawn posted. It was to much, I barely knew who he was now. I sighed thinking about this mess.
I texted him earlier asking if he's doing anything today but three hours later he didn't reply. It's not that I'm feeling cold or it's nothing but the PR shit is crossing beyond lines. And it's affecting Shawn and our relationship.
Now, I tried to call him. It rang. And then he picked up. I sighed over the line before he said, "Hey." in a monotone voice.
"Hi, love? What are you doing today?" I inquired over the phone.
"Hmm .. Nothing, I guess. Just nothing. How about you?"
"Studying the script." I answered him.
"I'll hang this now, Y/N-"
"Wait, I thought you're not busy." I cut him off. Now it's very obvious that he's building an unnecessary distance between us.
"You know, you're studying-"
"I just want to talk to you. I have a spare time so I thought it would be lovely to spend it with you." I whispered over the line.
He sighed deeply.
"And probably we could have dinner?" I asked.
"You know we can't do that now."
"Yes, the PR shit. I forgot my bad."
"Y/N." he says my name pleadingly to understand our situation.
"Before, you make time for me when it all started. And I cope with it. Shawn, I'm okay with this. Hell, totally fine. Just spare some time for me. We could grab dinner and talk and catch up with everything. This is hell, Shawn." I chuckled. "Sometimes, I wonder was this all worth it. Are we gonna stay the same like before, as soon as you're all done with this PR shit? Are you gonna stick with me even if almost everyday you slid your tongue in her mouth? Do you even think this was okay Shawn? That I was okay?"
His line went to an eerie silence.
"Shawn," I uttered in a breaking voice, "do you even still love me?"
"Yes." he said. "Of course, I do, I always do. I'm so, sorry for all of this love."
I cut call. It was to much.
Then, he texted me immediately that he won't be doing anything today. If I like to call him back he said it would be fine. And he'll try to swing by in my apartment so we can have dinner tonight - he doesn't have any appointments today. I said okay, if that's what he wants.
But, in all honesty I was rooting for him. I want him, his attention, everything. I cling to his promise that he'll come over.
*****
It's nearly seven in the evening, no texts from him. So, I gladly indulge myself over Twitter endlessly scrolling over nothing when I decided to refresh it to read some new nothings and there it goes some hot, new pictures of Shawn and her walking in the middle of a busy city while holding hands.
The next set of photos, was too much, it's her locking lips with Shawn followed by them embarking his Rover.
can you write something for shawn based on the song someone you loved?
thanks for your request! I had fun writing this :)
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warnings: anxiety
word count: 681
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One of the things Shawn always tried to stand by was to not let anyone else dictate your happiness. If you can’t be happy alone, you shouldn’t seek that happiness in a relationship. It had always been simple.
Except when it wasn’t.
He was gearing up for his next tour when his anxiety started to get bad again. Shawn wanted it to be bigger and better than the last one, but none of the plans he had seemed to work once they tried to execute them. Every day ended in him getting frustrated, going home, and panicking that he couldn’t pull it off. He stared out of the windows of his apartment for hours, soft tears running down his cheeks, sometimes coming to a conclusion that he was done.
There was always someone on the crew to talk him back down, but this time he’d spiraled too far. So far that his mother had to fly to LA and force him to go to the doctor to get his medication readjusted. Shawn started journalling because therapy just didn’t fit in his schedule at the moment, and slowly but surely, things started looking up again.
Before he could quite reach the level of independence he needed, he met you. You were brought on as a part of the visual arts team for the backdrops of the tour, and then you’d travel as the tour photographer. It was like Shawn could say something, and whatever visual you came up with was directly out of his mind. The two of you clicked immediately.
For a while, you two did all of the things a couple does but without the label. It was an attempt to keep things professional, but everyone around you knew what was really happening. Then, during the second month of the tour, Shawn told you how he felt, and it all became official. That was when he officially put his mental health on the back burner, but it went unnoticed to you, him, and everyone else.
Shawn was feeling so good. He was on the best high of his life, this tour had honestly been his best so far, and you were part of that. On top of all of those things, you got to follow him around every day and take pictures as your job. There wasn’t anything anyone could do to separate the two of you.
Then, ten months later, that only felt like three or four, the tour ended, and so did your relationship with Shawn. You’d gotten a job offer with another artist that was going to be on the road for a little over a year, and you wanted to put all of your focus on it, not on trying to schedule a time to see Shawn or when to call and facetime him. Your job with Shawn was your first big project, so you didn’t want to stop there when you had an even bigger opportunity ahead of you.
Shawn couldn’t stop you, and he didn’t want to, but he wished he could stop the heartbreak that followed. It was the worst come down he’s ever experienced. Everything seemed to fall apart at once all over again. He was right where he was in those few months before he met you.
Days turned into nights and then back into days as he sat on his couch and stared out the windows. It was moments like this that he couldn’t decide if he liked having large windows with a beautiful view. It gave him a lot of time to reflect and realize that he did exactly what he always told himself not to. Now he had to suffer the consequences.
He’d made the mistake of getting comfortable and relying on you just to have the rug pulled out from underneath him. When Shawn gets too overwhelmed, he closes his eyes and pretends that he’s in your arms, but then it never fails to all come crashing down on him when he opens them again.
All because he got used to being someone you loved.
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