Gentleman In You
Male Patriarchy against the men-
I started thinking about emotional vulnerability differences on the gender basis this afternoon after seeing a meme on my Facebook feed that listed the things that need to be normalized by society, among them being “emotional vulnerability against the gender bias”. I couldn’t agree more. As it stands, men, on the whole, have a deep and dangerous emotion expression problem. Why exactly?? Isn’t it the norms set up by the society itself that sets standards for the men about the Do’s and Don'ts, as per which a boy is raised from childhood. These are the exact notions fixed by the societal banters, who sardonically fail to fulfill the demands on a personal level. Typecasting a man according to these social standards and pushing down your child against them is the biggest harm you can cause to your toddlers. The expression and suppression of human emotion are closely tied to gender roles. We always see a man as an ironman - aren’t there any other shades of him. There are so many variables to his emotions. Try to understand this through this quote I found on a Shayari App called NOJOTO, where we can totally relate to a man’s feeling in against what society believes of him - “A broke man is not a man without a nickel, but a man without a dream.” Aren’t the dreams a subject of concern for a person. Aren’t family, relationships, love a man’s concern? Not just the responsibilities towards these emotions, but the emotions itself!! When I was surfing through this Shayari App, I found there are so many unsaid unexpressed expressions from a man’s perspective, which get unnoticed even when said or expressed. There is another gradient to this - you scroll through a Shayari App or any other such platforms, you will be surprised to find out that there’s a vast number that is inclined to this.
Emotional Vulnerability -
The first time I saw my father cry was also the last. As if often the case with men of his generation it took the death of his mother to grant a license, however momentary, to weep openly. For the first time, my dad had become mortal as he abandoned his frayed mask of manhood. That afternoon, I realized it was secretly something I’d been hoping he’d do my entire life. Though I’ve always had a rather delicate relationship with the world. Vulnerability is courage, not weakness. For too long, poor conditioning has led to many men’s deepest selves to be muted, relationships to be confined, failures linked to self-worth, and a skewed perception of behavior that is acceptable, and more importantly, what is not.
Societal expectations have “taught” men not to display any emotions. This becomes a huge problem in relationships because men suppress their feelings since they tend not to have socially acceptable emotional outlets. They do not want to seem “emasculated” for caring about someone or something on a deeper level. Due to the way young boys are socialized in education and in society, their ability to deal with emotions has been systematically undermined from a young age. Men are taught that certain aspects of their personality are not acceptable, they are taught not to cry or express in words, how they are feeling. In school, they’re shown there are certain games they should play, activities they should take part in, and rarely are they encouraged to engage in their feelings. A man's emotions are oftentimes confusing and sometimes contradictory. Do not fret if you cannot understand your man’s emotions, chances are he cannot either. People have the preconceived notion that men simply do not have feelings. This is far from the case. The problem is in the fact that women believe men should feel things the way they do. The truth is that men have a much harder time processing these feelings. Men are taught from an early age that they need to be strong, confident and stoic. They begin to equate emotions with weakness. These perceptions of masculinity can lead to a deep sense of shame permeating throughout the male culture. The perceived definition of what it means to be a man is not only outdated and ridiculous but harmful, not only for the men of today but those of the future, who see this as the only way of being. The idea that men are to remain strong, silent and capable is a total myth and belongs more in 1917 than in 2019.
Cracking the code to Men’s Emotions -
Society tells men that it is ‘weak’ to express feelings because we men are supposed to be strong and not allowed to have feelings. This is, of course, a toxic and wrong sense of masculinity and here it is where the paradox comes in. It is actually masculine to have the bravery and courage to let your guard down and be vulnerable because a true man, a real ‘alpha male’ doesn’t care what others think of him and he follows his own way no matter what. Not expressing your feelings out of fear of being judged and ridiculed by society as a consequence is what’s actually weak and pathetic because that means you allow others to judge you, to hold you back and define who you are when it should only be you who defines who you are. Modern men believe there are dozens of different ways to define the phrase “man up”. And none of them need to be used to demean men or make them feel as if they are falling short of some masculine ideal. Let’s call up for a mission to reclaim and redefine what the phrase “man up” means so that boys and young men coming of age now can be spared from its wrath. There is a critical mass of men already helping to challenge the outdated model of masculinity. but it’s time for all of us to finally come together and embrace this urgent movement to redefine what it means to be a man. By doing so, we are not only advocating for our own well-being but also promoting a better, healthier, safer, happier world for all.
Men do cry. Men do feel deep emotions. However, men's emotions are triggered through different stimuli than that of women. Men simply don’t get much value out of emotional accessibility.
