marti really is this interesting mix of bold and vulnerable, and often expresses himself with both qualities at once. he'll tell the boy he's in love with, with whom he has only just reunited, that he doesn't know if he trusts him, that nico kissing madda after everything had hurt him. what a thing to be able to admit when everything is so fragile and new! he is asking nico to renew his commitment by showing nico that he's in it with him - that should nico make that leap marti will be there to catch him bc he feels the same way. his willingness to show his vulnerability is his boldness and strength. another moment in which we see another kind of boldness and vulnerability however, is in his behavior this week. floundering and lost, marti is decisive and impulsive in his rejection of his own feelings, ashamed by how vulnerable his boldness has made him. in reaction to that shame he maintains a strong front, unwilling to give in, which gives the appearance of its own kind of strength. but then he calls nico, (feeling raw after his conversation with his dad where that strong front crumbled under the assertion that he wasnt joking, subtext being that what they had WAS real) and nico doesn't pick up, and in this text message with gio he attempts to fortify the walls again - "if he wanted to talk to me he would have responded". but in response to gio's reasoning marti just says "i dunno" - helpless before what he feels for nico and before what nico feels for him. after all, this has never happened to him before. where this past week sees marti react to his vulnerability with the impulse to be resolute in his denial - an impulse carried out decisively to mask pain- the situations in which marti acknowledges and takes strength from his vulnerability is marti at his most vibrant and courageous, in demanding that the beauty and pain of something be recognized. making clear to his dad that he did have a boyfriend after hiding behind a joke is an example of this - he cant hide the truth, even though it brings him pain. when he runs to nico tonight he'll be acknowledging both the pain he has been denying all week, as well as the joy he has found with nico, a joy that he had never thought possible before nico. it is in this moment of return and acknowledgement of vulnerability and love that both marti and nico will be at their truest and strongest.
