Chapter 3: A Peculiar Appendage
Shelldone was born out of a shell like most of the pop stars of today but his birth was notable for a bevy of reasons that should be noted below.
1. Shelldone’s mother and father were actually in love. It was not an act of carnalmating but a courtship that resulted in a litter of baby half Russian, half Galapogos tortoises. Because of this, Shelldone was raised to believe in romantic big picture ideas that the Republican party often labeled as “unrealistic.” But to him, they were all he knew.
2. Shelldone was the only baby to survive the birth in what was one of the worst nesting catastrophes in the history of the Maori Tortoise Cultural Affinity Awareness Species. As a result, Shelldone was studied at length and with extreme curiosity by a group of nomad Marine Biologists who years later, much to the distaste of thinking people the world over, founded Web MD.
3. At his birth, Shelldone’s penis was three times the size of his father’s. This would explain the strained relations between the two, andwhy Sheldon acted like such a dick in the years to come.