#shermer.starter

[justabcsketcase]

Chicken’s one of those things we eat before it’s born... and after it’s dead. Food for thought.

[tempestuousheinousbitch]

I’m just so glad that I dedicated four years of my life to studying journalism and going into debt just to be assigned an article about the “scientific effects of cat memes”. Dad, I hope you’re proud of your little girl. 

[dcngereuse]

WHAT’S A GIRL GOT TO DO to get a decent cup of coffee around here ? god, i can already hear the catty responses and see the eyerolls headed my way, but guess what ? i can’t be drinking irish, so for the love of literally fucking anything, someone please get me something kenyan. putain, i need a pick-me-up from this goddamn nightmare.

[hisdayoff-blog]

You hear that, my little town chickens? That’s the sweet, sweet sound of town mediorcrity! And I’m not liking it. It’s not music to my ears. What about a little noise, fellas? Where’s the heat? The passion? It’s like everyone’s losing their touch. Let’s get to rustling up come ideas, huh? Hit me with your best shot. How’s about it? I dare ya. 

[blvemonday]

Another former teen beauty queen lost her shit in the middle of my store because her stupid expired coupon wouldn’t work, and honestly, nothing gives me more of a rush than to say no to an overprivileged white woman with too much time in her trivial existence. We’re all going to die one day, Sharon -- who gives two fucks about some overpriced soaps?

[hellyeahspiritfingers]

Can you believe I got talked to by someone’s parent for my totally awesome teaching? I mean in what universe do you think anyone’s going to get over their fear of a vault with “words of encouragement?” I don’t think so. Get your ass in line and take a gut full of table. Same goes with the uneven bars. If you can’t handle the fact that gravity works, maybe try growing some balls, yeah?

[theslvtandthefalcon]

Drop by Beetlejuice tonight if you’re looking for something worthwhile to do in this humdrum of a town. In fact, bring a friend or two -- it is a two-drink minimum, but the entertainment will be well worth it, if I do say so myself. 

[whatamegabitch-blog]

Apparently there’s an attendance limit for the gym at work and the one down the street got closed down because of stupid rats--but, like, how did they even get there in the first place? Are rats normally attracted to dead people? Oh, by the way, someone got murdered behind it. Total bummer. But like, just call an exterminator or something, right?

Anyway, I have a lot of free time if anyone wants to hang out.