Friendless Friendships
About a month ago I lost a friend because of selfishness on my behalf and hers. We just didn't mesh anymore, I'm going further in life and I felt like she was bringing me down with her. I just couldn't take anymore, mentally I have been broken for a long time and she failed to help me repair myself. Anyway, a little background.. She and I had been friends for 5 years, I met her when I dated her older brother. We became fast friends, and it was so easy to trust her, she was always around. And I was always there no matter what, for her and her kids. I love those kiddos to death, always have and always will after all the youngest two I have been there since birth for, and the oldest I met when she was 8 months old. Okay so on...
She and I had many fights but we always came back together, because we were each others best friends. Then one day she goes looking for a boyfriend and he seems so great and about a month into their relationship they are dating, only its a distance relationship and she'd had never met this man before. He was amazing over text and even in person didn't seem so bad. But about a week later everything changed for them he became psychotic, literally. And she claimed to be done but went back and I kind of distanced myself because I had told her he isn't worth the heartache and it just seemed like my opinion didn't matter to her.
Anyway, I guess she tried to kill herself because of said douche. And I don't know the full story because I did ghost her after not thinking I could mentally handle her drama. She messaged me when she got back from the mental hospital. Saying something along the lines that I'm not a very good friend which I can see considering I walked away, but to me my mental health is much more important. So selfish? Yes. But a bad friend? No. Communication is key to any relationship, and it was always about her. I never got the chance to say my piece and when I did she didn't listen.
So I ended our friendship completely, which has in turn made me a little less stressed. Some of it still bothers me she claimed to be such a good friend/person and she was a good friend some of the times, she was the only person I trusted with everything for the longest time. She knew all my secrets and everything deep I felt, whether she chose to listen or not.
A week ago I found out she's dating a kid who in my past took advantage of me sexually. I don't like to throw around the term rape, but if I did he would be my rapist and she knows about all that situation. How could someone who claims to care about you and be your friend do that? She's been raped before and he has really scarred her, she has made it clear how much the rape has changed her. Friends or not out of respect I could never date her rapist. I care too much. I couldn't hurt her like that.