To quote the latest Bey non-single, "Grown Woman". I can do whatever I want. I had a vision today of a fantasy future where Oprah was telling me that I've become too comfortable in my success, and that I need to think and do bigger. It's no secret that I have gotten used to being in a state of unhappiness, so much so that I thought it was perfectly normal to be that. And in a world that screams do what you have to/pursue (not obtain) happiness, it's not easy to break out of that toxic cycle. And by no means am I out of it, but I feel like there are definite cracks that weren't there before. It's taxing to go from hopeful states like this, to like the depths of utter hopelessness...but I'm wanting to believe that I can get a grip, accept and truly move passed this stage of being into something, someone rather, who is bold, confident, takes charge and doesn't let the past or anyone in the present define who he is. All of this is so temporary. I realize my dream Oprah wasn't just talking about a mythical future, she was talking to the me of now. And if I am going to be the next Oprah, or next anyone, I can't keep wasting days hoping and wishing things get better, and that I wake up and am thinner, or a fashionista, a moon princess, or whatever distraction that stops me from accepting the me if now, and the infinite potential I I have to love, to experience, to laugh, share, to cry, learn, dance, to do anything and everything that is me.
