#shezposting

[pockets-full-of-bees]

This is probably my favorite unused Shez portrait (I think Epimenides!Shez only uses angry and sad from this set). You know she makes this face all the time, even in battle, and her power won’t change that.

Absolutely no dignity in this woman. No gravitas to be found. Completely bereft of gorms.

[pockets-full-of-bees]

I guess that did happen, didn’t it?

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This dork

All the little gags about Shez never having learned about characters’ things but just rolling with it are great.

also whoops I accidentally deployed Bernie outside the outer walls so they didn’t get to yap this time around

[pockets-full-of-bees]

You are Hubert von Vestra, and you are having a very bad day. You knew Shez would turn on you, and he has. Or, rather, his power overcame him—but for you, that is a distinction without a difference.

Edelgard nearly paid the ultimate price for her trust, yet now she sees fit to overlook the entire debacle. As the shadow to her light, you understand: it your duty to suggest the unpalatable, so that it may at least be given due consideration.

Unfortunately, Shez’s paramour is certain to object, in his particular way. How fucked are you?

Byleth

While the Ashen Demon has made a few bonds of friendship with his new allies over the past months—perhaps including both Lady Edelgard and yourself—you may want to prepare for the worst. Have a horse at the ready.

Ferdinand

You will be hearing about this at a headache-inducing volume for the rest of your days. A life serving Lady Edelgard is not meant to be an easy one.

Caspar

He seems to have forgotten already—or perhaps he is simply taking his partner’s wish to bury this hatchet to heart.

Linhardt

He will grumble, and that will be all. He has a nose for true danger, and this is not that. A nap will remedy all.

Ashe

Ah. The boy is upset. Again.

So be it.

Lorenz

Fortunately for all, the new Count Gloucester is not so petty as to let mere words affect the course of Fódlan: this will not be a diplomatic issue.

Even so, there will be shouting.

Raphael

Raphael is a simple man, and that is not an insult. If Shez does not wish to make an issue of this, he will simply brush it aside.

Have the kitchen prepare a ham, just in case.

Ignatz

He appears to have already begun on a portrait which depicts you in a rather unflattering light, yet allows for plausible deniability of his intent. If your public legacy is to be a subject of such ridicule, so be it.

Yuri

Is that a knife tickling your throat? So soon, Mr. Leclerc?

Does Shez know?

Balthus

You will wake up two days later in the infirmary, missing a few teeth. Balthus will insist that he merely gave you a ‘tap’—with his forehead, to your chin.

Jeritza

Hm. Perhaps Lysithea will save you?

No. Surround yourself with cats, and all will be well.

Jeralt

The Blade Breaker himself is formidable, but consider: Byleth has proven that he will go to great lengths for his father’s wellbeing. Given that Shez yet draws breath—did he just muss the Ashen Demon’s hair?—it may well be that Byleth now has two.

Hubert

Save it for pillow talk tonight.

[pockets-full-of-bees]

You are Hubert von Vestra, and you are having a very bad day. You knew Shez would turn on you, and she has. In truth, it was that her power overcame her—but to you, that is a distinction without a difference.

Edelgard nearly paid the ultimate price for her trust, yet now she sees fit to overlook the entire debacle. As the shadow to her light, you understand: it your duty to suggest the unpalatable, so that it may at least be given due consideration.

Unfortunately, Shez’s paramour is certain to object, in her particular way. How fucked are you?

Byleth

While the Ashen Demon has made a few bonds of friendship with her new allies over the past months—perhaps including both Lady Edelgard and yourself—you may want to prepare for the worst. Have a horse at the ready.

Monica

Did you say that this was unfortunate? How unlike you. While you do respect Monica’s capabilities and devotion, her sentimentality is her greatest weakness. This discussion will allow you a chance to persuade her of that—and, to be honest, it amuses you.

Dorothea

Crocodile tears would never move you, and neither will genuine outrage. As Shez will in all likelihood be unharmed, you need only weather this storm.

Bernadetta

Now you just feel bad.

Petra

You will need to sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life—which was already your lot.

Manuela

Fortunately, no professor’s wroth could ever hold a candle to the private tutors your late father subjected you to. …why is she crying? Is that alcohol on her breath?

Mercedes

Where is Jeritza? You need to ensure he is occupied with either sweets or a cat during this discussion.

You will also feel bad.

Lysithea

She will strike first. Run. Now. Do not bother with the horse.

Marianne

Now you feel simply wretched. Most of the conversation will be taken up by all parties assuring Marianne that she is not at fault.

Leonie

She will glare, you will glare, there will be glaring. But mercenaries are mercenaries, and surely she will understand.

Shamir

She will glare, you will glare, and there will likely be little more past that than a shrug. Shez and her partner will disappear to parts unknown after their contracts are up, and that will be that.

Constance

You have until sunset to prepare, unless the weather betrays you. Ready the wards, and have earplugs at hand.

Hapi

Empty threats backed by genuine disgust, but no more. Hapi would not intentionally put others in danger—but perhaps doubling the perimeter guard would ease your nerves.

Edelgard

On second thought, perhaps keeping your own counsel would be for the best.

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I will never regret making this creature.

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I know better than to expect any Hopes references in Fortune’s Weave, but I can have some three hopes about it.

But imagine if Shez got lost for a bajillion years, then just wandered in and out of the plot real quick, affecting absolutely nothing, using a map so far out of date that the geology isn’t even accurate anymore. Holding it upside down too, of course.