#shippy venting

[shipsgaysfordays]

i wish i could put my life on hold to be with you. to run away to you, to take care of you, to be devoted to you. to be consumed by your light. to have you be everything to me.

but if i put my life on hold for you, i fear i would never go back to it. maybe that’s for the best.

i’ll always be too much of a coward to find out though.

[crashedship-vents]

everything’s starting to feel like too much again but i don’t know how to say it

i don’t know how to tell people

[crashedship-vents]

i do not have anger issues, i just have a lot of angry feelings and bottle them down

2 very different things of course

[shipsgaysfordays]

i think i may just make another side blog for venting purposes

whenever i get real and emotional on here i feel like i lose the air of mystery that i hold very dear

unlikely people would follow me on that, but i do love speaking to the void

[shipsgaysfordays]

today’s my last day before starting this semester of classes and so i’m a bit stressed and anxious because i want to use this time to write my next few chapters of my fic but the dialogue in one chapter just isn’t working and i’m not in the right vibe/headspace to write the other chapter

plus my boss asked me to come in early to work so i’m not going to have as much time as i thought today

[shipsgaysfordays]

i feel i’m on social media all the time yet still never saying anything

sorry that i’ve been a bit quiet lately, i don’t quite feel myself

my skin is shedding into something new, trying to hold back claws and chaos, it’s weird because i try to advocate for the chaos so often yet right now i feel it’s wrong to be

it feels a bit wrong to be myself

[shipsgaysfordays]

been in the car for like 30 minutes with this man and we’ve gotten to the eventual “i’d like it if you could make chili for me” part of the conversation

idk man, i think he thinks i like cooking a lot more than i do

[shipsgaysfordays]

i don’t feel like a human being this morning, or like, i just don’t feel like i’m alive.

i have a ton that i need to do yet i’m staying in bed on my phone.

it’s just hard to do things when i haven’t started my day early and already got the ball rolling.