#shitpasta

[ladytabletop]

it’s a common misconception that a five story tower is enough space for a wizard. they actually grow to fit the size of their habitat so you need at LEAST 20 stories, otherwise it’s cruel!!!

[welcome-to-roomba-fazbender]

(this story was inspired by B E A R a dsaf discord server enjoy this dsaf creepypasta mainly by the user @dinofur )

( also no i am not sorry for this the name of this creepypasta is 

The Harry Lips Incident )

click read more if you dare

I booted up my freshly downloaded copy of dsaf 3 I found the copy on a google doc on tumblr when the game booted everything seemed normal at first. 

That is untill I reached the part where Harry tells us how our business is doing so far ... 

The screen went black and suddenly I heard a weird sound coming from my computers speakers it was loud and it ended with a loud pop what happened next made me shiver in fear ... 

Their was a big wet kiss mark across my entire screen the top and bottom of a pair of lips were on the top and bottom of my screen and I saw Harry in the middle of it he looked mostly normal.

Besides a big pair of juicy lips he said to me "boss I am sorry but our business needs to go in a different direction ... and I need your soul todo it" after that he pushed his face up to the screen and now I recognized what the sound was it was harry kissing the screen sucking it and I saw my screen began to crack and crack some more and before I could react I blacked out. 

I woke up in a hospital bed the doctors thought I was dead and said that my computer screen had exploded injuring me and I had been in a coma for 2 months it was a miracle I woke up at all they told me my face was damaged alot but the bandages were finally ready to properly come off. 

and so once night had come I finally got up from my hospital bed and there in the middle of my face... 

were two kiss marks on my forehead and my neck and my eyes were completely grey a loud buzzing sound started to happen and I began to black out but before I did I heard harry speak to me one last time before I felt my heart slowly stop and my body die from shock.

"I am sorry for the sloppiest toppy kissy Wissey killing you... but I am thankful you were my boss rest in peace Dino"

[slugvomit666]

Creepypasta Review: Bullet for My Valentine Cursed Redrum

Hello, my little maggots. Today I'm gonna be reviewing the creepypasta called "Bullet for My Valentine Cursed Redrum". Now, this is a pretty obscure pasta and probably nobody's ever heard of it, but I'm still gonna review it regardless.

You wanna know something? I expected this pasta to be good because I love rock and heavy metal music. But nope, all we got was a clichefest with shit grammar.

Here's the pasta:

Well, my little maggots, this one's gonna be shit. First of all, there's a ton of grammatical errors in this fuckfest of a story, making it really hard to follow. I was hoping that this would not be an issue. Also, the fact that most of the I's in this story are lowercased just pisses me off. Next time, AlexZander, please pay attention in English class. When I read this story, I had to mentally uppercase the I's that began a sentence. Also, the punctuation really sucks.

Second, this story is cliche madness. We have the blood, and... "Redrum"? REALLY? "Redrum" in a goshdamn creepypasta story?!? Nobody does that. Nobody. DOES THAT. Author, don't put horror movie references in your story just to make it scary. That just don't work. Also, nobody would turn into zombies because of music. That's like some cartoon bullshit.

Third, to put the cherry on top of the diarrhea shake that is this story.... the ending was just shit. Have a look at it:

What the hell is this? It's just a cliche of an ending. T-The ending could've been fucking better. Also, the "im" should be "I'm", and "cant" should be "can't". Overall, I give the story a big fat F-.

Here's what the author needs to do:

Fix the grammar

Remove the cliches

Not add horror references

Fix the punctuation

Fix the ending

Bye bye, my little maggots*! Hope to see you all in the next post!

*I like to call my fans maggots bc I love Slipknot lol

[weflashpeople]

WARIOWARE: A DEN OF HELLISH NIGHTMARES IMPOSSIBLE TO BE CONCEIVED BY MERE HUMAN THOUGHT. 

[weflashpeople]

Have you ever played Mario Teaches Typing? Have you ever played Mario Teaches... DYING???

[weflashpeople]

IT’S TIME FOR SPINE-TINGLING HORROR, WITH MINECRAFT AND FLESHLIGHTS

[weflashpeople]

Someone finally had the gumption to take on Pac-Man and warn us all of the truth behind this mysterious yellow circle. What you do with this knowledge is entirely up to you, but be warned: you are now a threat for possessing it.

[speedfenix]