#shitty essay

[desertherm1t]

Don’t mind me rambling for a sec, going insane over Murderbot

It’s so livestock guardian dog coded to me

It likes (dare I say loves) doing its actual job, which is protecting people

(“I liked protecting people and things. I liked figuring out smart ways to protect people and things. I liked being right.” Artificial Condition

“They were my clients, that was all… Just clients. And if anyone or anything tried to hurt them, I would rip its intestines out.” Network Effect)

It even works in much the same way as a guardian dog, that being blending in with the “flock” (aka people) and watching for threats.

What it doesn’t like, however, is committing unnecessary violence (only exception I can think of is when it was slaughtering the Targets on ART, but it had just found out its friend was dead, so)

It hacked its governor module so that it couldn’t be forced to kill anyone (or do something it didn’t want to do) again. Even still, it was terrified that that was its nature, hence Murderbot, and why it felt it necessary to revisit Ganaka Pit. It even crucially hacked (or offered to hack) the governor modules of others, when it wasn’t scared that they would hurt it/the people it cares about.

And it was scared. It cowered when ART threatened it in a way that so many had before (Artificial Condition). But when Murderbot 2.0 offered the HelpMe.file to Three, it didn’t have access to the memories and organic chemicals that made it so scared of what others could/would do in the first place. Because if it believed itself capable of wanton violence, then wouldn’t anyone be?

Therefore, I believe it fitting to compare Murderbot to a livestock guardian dog that has been used for dog fights/attacking people that it acted as anyone scared and traumatized dog would: angry.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk :D

[whereismyblog-iswear]

So, if you're into Hugh Jackman right now and if you're spending a bit too much time on tiktok watching edits (I'm not judging, I'm doing the same)

You've probably seen edits of this movie called Swordfish which came out in 2001.

And you've probably seen lots of edits on a particular scene depecting the test that Stan (Hugh Jackman) has to pass to prove how good of an hacker he is.

This test involve three things: a computer, a gun against his temple, and a non-consesual sexual act. (Whoever thought those three things could mix up well is a fool, but that's not the point).

You're probably asking yourself why I'm bothering you with this piece of information. Well, good question. This scene rather erotic was of course used in edits and lots of people love it, commenting on how Hugh Jackman looks in this scene. Which of course raised multiple questions from other people.

First, why are we all romanticizing a scene of evident rape?

Second, why are we all normalizing it?

And thirdly, and maybe more from me, why are we portraying male SA like this?

Today I'll try to answer those answers the best I can and from my point of view only.

First of all, two questions in one really, why are we normalizing and romanticizing this scene of blatant SA? Well, for me there's multiple reasons to it.

As a society we're too used to see male SA like something to joke about or to sexualize. Because they're men. They had to enjoy it, right? After all that's what all men always think about.

Wrong of course. Men are human like everyone else, and they of course think about other things than sex. And they can be victims of SA, even though they are not the majority of the victims. But since when as a society we decided to make fun or to hide a minority of victims? Anyway.

But there's an other reason why we romanticized this scene. It's the way it is portrayed of course.

When doing a movie, and I'm not teaching any of you anything, the way of filming and representing thing is a big part of the project.

If you watched this movie (for the plot, Hugh, or any reason really) you'll see that this scene is not portrayed as terrible. Yes, he is in a dangerous situation and there's stress put on him. But he doesn't look horrified. Lots of the shots are big plan on his face. And I don't want to write details but he doesn't seem terrified, or scared, or like he doesn't want it.

And I can see why it can lull the viewer in a false sense of security. Of course he's enjoying it. He doesn't look like anything else. Then it must be okay.

No. Wrong.

That's where we, and when I say we I'm talking about society and I include myself, that's where we are wrong. There is no excuse for what's happening and we should be horrified. But we're not. Because it is not portrayed as something horrible.

I haven't see the whole movie, this scene saying everything I had to know. Maybe it's a good movie, but I'm sure this scene is not talked again like a trauma or something horrendous. Once again, downplaying the horror of the situation.

That, for me at least, is why as a society we let ourself see this scene as something erotic. Especially with the way Hugh Jackman is portrayed as a big sex symbol (I could do a whole presentation on that too).

That leave us with my question, why are we portraying male SA like that?

Well, Jamie, that's a good question. I'll tell you why. It's because male SA is still a pretty sensitive and dirty subject for society. We're still not able of talking about female SA victims, so certainly not male victims.

And that vision is translated into our movies and TV shows. Most of the time, male SA is downplayed or acted as a joke or an erotic thing. And it's not always the producer's fault, it's also the public reaction to it. There's the 'Swordfish', but also Morty in 'Rick and Morty', Angel Dust in 'Hazbin Hotel', and in 'Hunger Games', and in 'Baby Reindeer'.

The list is long of male SA representation in the medias that are either now played seriously or not taken seriously. And maybe it's time we change our point of view on this matter.

To conclude, can we blame the people who made edits or enjoyed edits of this scene? I don't think we should. It is pointless, and the way the scene was made played a big role in it. It also shows that most people didn't really watch the movie and just wanted to make thirst traps, which is not something to condemn.

Thank you for reading this. I don't know if I make sense or if it's even a smart thing to say. Maybe I'm wrong or maybe I'm already saying something that was already said. In either case, thanks for reading and have a good life.

PS: I'm always open to hear always points of view. I'm not always right, and who knows maybe I'll learn a thing or two.

[miyakosora]

Endwalker - Autumntide Music Video an Essay

 Sometimes you just need a place to gush about something you are really passionate about. After a not-so-fun week of dealing with Covid I happened back upon the music video for Endwalker - Autumtide. So here is where I gush about how Final Fantasy ties all my favorite art-related things together. 

At this point, Endwalker has been out for over a year, and there are so many details in this music video I’ve still probably missed. One of my favorite things in FF14 is the concept of Hope. Everyone has a different story for their WOL, but no matter how grim the circumstances, there will always be our character, marching on through whatever trial we face. No matter how often we get knocked down, we get right back up and continue on. 

So Miya, how does this music video have anything to do with Hope?

Well skeptical Miya, the music video starts off with a younger woman mosing about her home. She’s aimless, fumbling with a bottle and looking at the dead plants in her space. She sings along to the lyrics -Fade away-. I like the idea of this woman not only being the player, not necessarily the WOL, but us the player. 

As the song and video continue on she passes someone reading Count Fortempt’s novel this is matched with the lyrics -Sorrow's silence, we needn't bear-. Next, as she is walking up an overpass bridge she sees a woman resembling Yotsuyu smoking a pipe on the bridge, -Every step we take echoes in our wake-. Finally, she’s alone in the park, tired and breathless from her day of searching. The sun is setting and looking up she sees a figure waving to her as they walk away -To forge ahead-. 

At the start of the video the protagonist is drawn by a glimmering light, and she follows it out of her home. Like I said she’s looking at everything in her house, and looking outside before finally, something draws her in, but we also get these flashes of an internal dialogue where she’s alone, upset, and anguished by this trial she’s going through. -Marching forward, left behind.-

Every step you take forward on any journey in life, you are going to leave something behind. This is true for not only your character as the WOL, but as you the player, and for the protagonist in the video. The woman could continue to stay in her house and that would be her story, she continues to stay and be sad and just fade away. For whatever reason, she chooses to leave and head outside and explore the world. 

There doesn’t seem to be a destination in mind for her, but she passes these characters along the way, and in doing so they mimic some of the characters we’ve left behind in the game. I find myself drawn most to the person reading the novel and how it’s matched with the lyrics -Kindred severed neverwhere, Sorrow’s silence, we needn’t bear.- Ironically, “A smile best suits a hero.” Kindred - family, severed - cut off, and neverwhere- no where. Now neverwhere also has me a little thrown for a loop because it’s the title of a Neil Gaiman novel (Why is it always Neil Gaiman). I would love to go on another deep dive just by that one word alone, but that might be a little extreme.

I’ll be honest I story-skipped Heavensward and Stormblood and went straight for Shadowbringers, (Look I started ARR before Stormblood, and then restarted somewhere before Shadowbringers. I’ll go back and do it at some point.) So I only know a little about Yotsuyu and Tsukiyomi, (that’s not true I’m obsessed with moon mythology). I love the image of her watching traffic as it flows around her at twilight. There is so much movement, but she’s standing still, and our protagonist is surprised to see her there. 

During these scenes, we see those moments of our protagonist anguishing by herself, before coming to the park and seeing the figure waving at her as they leave -Marching forward, left behind-. Then the protagonist is lost in a multitude of sceneries, continuing on her journey. -Should we lose our way, tired of all this pain- We don’t see her anguishing anymore, but there is a moment of weakness as she’s on the ground before looking up at this blinding white light. 

I’m slightly pausing here before I noticed something while writing this, in the last scenes we get a reflection of her shoes and how they are dirty and worn. -Forge ahead-. In the start of the music video when our protagonist first leaves her home, her shoes are white and clean if not brand new. Just like our character when starting this journey. Watching through they actually show the shoes quite a few times and how scuffed and worn they are becoming. Another thing I noticed towards the end before she’s leaning over in the dirt is how her hair has noticeably changed if not grown longer. This could just be unintentional, but I like that it shows the physical passage of time on this character. 

So Miya, I’ll ask again, what does this have to do with hope?

If you’ve played through Endwalker, you know the entire plot boils down to a bird with depression. Our WOL is the reincarnation of the last Azem shepherd of stars in the dark. We could see the story in a few ways. Our character could very much just be a tempered weapon for Hydalyn, we do cause a fair bit of trouble along the way…then we could ask what victory is worth this price. Do you sit in hopelessness and wait for whatever outcome, or do you go out and make a difference? It’s a very human concept, and it blends beautifully into meeting Venat and learning ‘Your answer’. 

The game started with a Calamity. If you play for an hour or through the entire game, you have your own reason for playing. A reason for living in this beautiful world. No matter what brought you to this point, it’s cannon not just to you, but to everything around you. No matter how many times something has pushed you down, you’ve gotten back up and overcome it. You might have just evaded the obstacle for now, but that’s part of life. Not every boss you defeat stays dead, just look at Zenos. Not every action you make will change the outcome of the scenario, look at Elpis and how we went there knowing we couldn’t change their future. 

Saying that though makes me want to reflect on Shadowbringers, and how one timeline’s wish to change reality was able to change reality in its entirety. It wasn’t impossible, only improbable.

And should you lose your way, tired of all this pain, don’t be afraid to forge ahead. 

Much love,

Miyako Sora

[letsdisneydreamerlove]

Regarding the Trylle Trilogy

Ok so I read the Trylle Trilogy a while back so i'm gonna share my thoughts on it.

It was generally alright series, I wasn't that great as the Waterfire Saga but I still enjoyed it, but out of all the things that happened in the series there was one thing that made me the most happy.

I was glad that Wendy and Finn did not stay together.

Seriously, their relationship was probably the most Dysfunctional I've ever read in a book series.

Let's start off with the main point of their Dysfunction:

. Finn treating Wendy

the issue with this is that Finn practically treated Wendy like the princess she was told to be, which wasn't good as Wendy didn't want to be the princess at first. He constantly pressured her to be the princess and while he said that he wanted the best of her, It was not cool to pressure someone into being someone that they don't want to be. 

(Their relationship was similar to Edward and Bella's)

And as a result of this, Finn became the character that I hated the most in the series. (Oren was second)

So I was glad that Wendy chose Loki instead, as he actually treated her like an actual person instead of the princess.

(and also their first conversation together had a lot more chemistry than Wendy did with Finn)

Finally, the only thing that made me stop hating Finn was when he finally admitted to Wendy just how terrible of a boyfriend he was to her, and I was also glad that Finn found someone else to love instead of being alone.

So thankyou Amanda Hocking, for showing us that you can break off a relationship in a book series if it's dysfunctional (Unlike Stephanie Meyer).  

[sumsniperchick]

writer's block! somebody help me!

[minhoskitty-blog]

The exam is over~ and I'm lucky of I passed~

[poetryof-reality-blog]

Resilient

I am resilient: Able to recoil or spring back into shape after bending stretching, or being compressed.  My body has been a battleground and my mind a constant war; behind hardy plants and woody vines these secrets are confined.  I have learned from my experiences, they have shaped the essence of my being.  No one would guess, as they never really have the things that have been a part of my life – peace is solemn, yet here I am, a bouncing ball filled with energy and boundless laughs.  I thought I gave up a long time ago, sometimes I think I still do, every time again and again and still do I remain here. 

            I feel a sort of compression pushing down on my back, this weight that feels like a thousand oceans has pushed me down right on my knees.  I am rubber that’s being stretched, the pressure amounting, and once will be let go.  Do I fly away?  I keep on living – my roots run deep within the ground.  I’ve learned to live and change and breathe despite the forces working against me. 

            I was devastated when I lost everyone; I learned to live in near-isolation.  Anxiety grows and keeps me from life, friends, school work, music – but no one would ever know.  I haven’t eaten a meal with my parents in over three years but I’ve worked my ways to other things despite the holidays, birthdays, celebrations.  Sometimes I still feel though that I ever stopped celebrating three years ago – but no one would ever know.  A bellyache of family life, all these years have felt too long – but sometimes when I don’t think, I learned not to notice when something is wrong.

            People view me as a constant fireball, but not as powerful or even strong.  How could I be strong when I hurt so much, I feel like weak is all I am.  The answer however lies in my existence, and the fact that no one understands.  People have laughed at all my trials, as if I could never feel pain.  I am not happiness; I hurt inside all the time.  Pain, sorrow, emotion, anything, I ache inside when they refuse the cores of my human being.  Don’t you realize?  I’m a human, not a novelty.

            However I am here.  I am now.  I am living.  I am the forests that cover the earth, whose roots will never be ripped out of the ground.  I have been dirt and all its connotations – but without dirt we would cease to exist.  I do exist.  I constantly adapt and change like the clouds every day; I have and will overcome the greatest mountains.  When will nature die?  I don’t know, but surely so will I.  You can try to knock me down, but I have been hit harder, faster, and stronger and have yet to be drowned out - I am resilient.