@juminweek2019 Philautia // Self-Love
“Now listen to me Jumin, you cannot fall in love until you don’t love yourself.”
He didn’t understand these words his father told him when he was still young. His small gray eyes blinking up to the man who just got dumped by another gold digger. A man so smart and realistic, yet so fooled and blinded by love.
Years later when he first met Rika, then he understood. because she told him too. But how was he supposed to love himself? Nobody ever taught him, nobody showed him what to do. Sure he was content with his life, he achieved all he could wish for. He graduated from high school, went to a renowned university, he became the heir of C&R and had enough money to get by. However, sometimes he felt like he lost his soul along the way - except when he met with Jihyun or Rika. For some reason they knew him better than Jumin knows himself.
He swayed the glass of red wine around, his eyes locked on the liquid. Then he sighed, both of them were long gone. Lost in his thoughts Jumin didn’t hear his phone ringing at first.
He picked it up eventually, even though the young man wasn’t in the mood to talk. But it was Mc and he grew quite fond of her, even though he was not ready to admit it.
“Jumin, hi, I was wondering if I could come over? Oh, ehm, it’s me, Mc. I need someone I can talk to.”
The young heir sighed. He was tired, exhausted and just wanted to rest. But
“pretty please???” she begged through the phone.
“Well I was just about to go to bed, but it does sound rather urgent, are you okay?”
“I’ll tell you when I get there. See you.” and with that she hung up.
A few minutes later she stood in front of him, he helped her out of her jacket before she kneeled down to greet Elizabeth the 3rd, crawling his cat right at he favorite spot. Jumin smiled while watching them, enjoying the view
Soon after they sat down on his couch, he watched her fiddling with the cuffs of her oversized sweater. He could tell she was nervous.
“So to what do I owe you your visit?” he arched a brow taking a sip from his tea.
“Well, I, uh, actually I need to tell you something.” she murmured. He nodded, waiting for her to continue.
“Jumin, I think I love you.” He coughed turning to face her again, looking at her blushed face, he would never forget this sight, she looked so soft and warm.
But as much as he had yearned to hear those three words from her, he was skeptical. How was he supposed to love her when he didn’t even love himself?
“I’m sorry Mc, I don’t know what to say.” He rubbed his temples and rested his elbows on his legs.
“Did I say something wrong? Does that mean you don’t like me?”
She watched his dark locks shake from left to right.
“No, not at all. I really like you Mc. I just don’t understand what you see in me.”
The young woman crawled over to him, her small hand cupping his cheek. He placed his hand on top of hers.
“You see, my father once told me that I can only fall in love if I love myself. But you know what? I hate it. I hate myself, that cold, heartless monster I became over the years. Emotionless, and tangled up in my thoughts which strings pull closer with each step I take every once and a while. Mc, I just, I don’t want you to fall in love with me. I’m scared to put such a heavy burden on your shoulders.”
“Bullshit.” She cursed and stroked his cheek with her thumb.
“You’re far more than that. You’re not perfect but truth be told nobody is - look at me. Jumin, you’re one of the most caring people I’ve ever met. You're smart, kind, funny, and pretty cute sometimes, especially when you behave like an old, grumpy man. I don’t mind if you’re a little gloomy on some days or that you become the Joker on another day. Because that’s who you are. The way I see it, your father was a complete idiot to tell you something like this. Love grows under any condition.” A soft smile appeared on the heirs face and he blinked slowly. Without any haste he moved his other hand up and put it on her neck, softly inching her face towards his.
“Thank you Mc, that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. And I can only say these words right back at you. I love you, too” He gazed into her blue eyes. Then to her lips, and back to her eyes, searching for her approval to finally close the painful distance. She nodded softly. And just before his lips touched hers, she whispered: “Wait. I behave like an old grumpy man?”