#shitwater

[drmonkeysetroscans]

Coffee is swill.

[orneryadventures-blog]

Part 2 of my coverage of my Bunya mountains holiday, i bring you:

COMPULSORY ADVENTURES: VOLUME 2

So one afternoon, i wished to wash some dishes. However the sink was full of water, atop which was floating a layer of congealed shit. Emily had been washing the only oven tray - a pizza tray, as it happens. Her first step had been to put the perfectly round pizza tray into the perfectly round sink, and run a bunch of hot water over it. 

Well, fair enough. In an attempt to free up the sink, I try to remove the tray from the bottom of the sink, which is preventing it from draining. However it quickly becomes apparent.....that this will not be an easy task.

Silly boy, one cannot simply “pick up” the pizza tray. The pizza tray has transcended the realm of hands. It is a perfectly-fitting false bottom, beyond which no liquid may pass. The sink is now a bucket. You can’t get the pizza tray out of the sink because there is no pizza tray and there is no sink. There is only bucket.

It was at this point that we started trying to think laterally. Boy was THAT a mistake.

Our next move was to remove the S-bend from the pipes below the sink, because we’d spent the last ten minutes elbow deep in congealed shitwater trying to wrassle the false bottom back out of the bucket. This approach yielded exactly zero success, but we felt we still weren’t covered in quite enough shit at this point in the afternoon, so we rolled up our sleeves and took off the S-bend.

The idea was that if we took out the S-bend, we’d be able to stick something UP the drain-hole, and dislodge the pizza tray using the power of MUSCLES. There were a couple of problems with this plan though. There was a shelf in the cupboard below the sink which was right beneath the S-bend. As such, the shelf couldn’t be removed without removing the S-bend first, and you couldn’t put a bucket below the S-bend before removing it because there was a shelf in the way. So we removed the S-bend as it was, the only thing we could really do, and rank shitwater pissed all over the cupboard and floor.

“Excellent”, I thought to myself. “This is going exactly as I had hoped”

It turned out that there was a clusterfuck of metal spokes and gratework between the pipes and the sink, which was far too dense for any of our long knives to penetrate. So in the end it turned out that our amateur plumbing adventure was in vain, and had only served to further the proliferation of rank shitwater.

In the end, the solution to the problem was bucketing out, and then soaking up, the rank shitwater on top of the pizza tray. The soaking was mostly done with toilet paper, but at one point Emily was trying to stick a sanitary pad to the pizza tray in the hope the adhesive would be able to pull it free. It was only when most of the pizza tray was above water that we were finally able to take it out using the power of MUSCLES.

Stay tuned for Compulsory Ornery Adventures pt 3

[genuinelywavy]

Drink it down, Nursey, that shit water squirting from your arse needs to be replaced.

Tyrion Lannister - A Dance with Dragons pt 2