#shiznits

[thesubatomicpotato]

im just in a downward spiral where i keep FUCKING UP

:)

:) :)

:) :) :)

i dont wanna go out with my family UGH but even if i do stay home i just waste time

im so awful wtf my awfulness is just getting fucking worse

[vesselvindicate]

hhhHHHH WHAT DO I DO HOW DO I PREP TO CELEBRATE WHHHH

99 PEOPLE IN ONE ROOM IS A LOT OF PEOPLE

[thesubatomicpotato]

wala naman ata akong social anxiety but

why do i feel like ppl hate me or im not doing anything sometimes :) :) :) :)

[thesubatomicpotato]

#uncut

i cant stop comparing :(

in acads in performing in arranging in running orgs

idk what im doing :(

i feel like everyone else is doing better

i feel like im not maximizing my EB

i feel like im letting alumni down

i feel like this 10th isnt going to be spectacular and its coz of me or smth

like im trying but my vision is lacking and idk talaga idk how to lead

this is why i didnt get accepted sa ASLA hahahahahaha wtf

and im not doing well sa acads either like... cant strategize, cant OR, cant finance............................

im not doing well anywhere :)

and no matter what anyone says i cant stop thinking this

why do i bother hahahahahahahaha

this is so dumb ppl are telling me im doing ok naman but fuck i could do better

[thesubatomicpotato]

cont of rant

when ppl rant to me and feel bad i say sht like, hey dont compare urself to others!! theyre different from u. u shouldnt compare ur growth w theirs

AGH guess wtf im doing now!!!!!!!

PEOPLE HAVE JSEC CHALLENGE. SOME PPL HAVE THAT. AND THEY CAN STILL MANAGE. WHY CANT I

WHY CANT I WHY CANT I WHY CANT I

.........i feel rly bad

if anyone’s reading and concerned, it will pass

besides, nothing will rly help anyway :( only i can help me that sht that sht 

(putangina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[thesubatomicpotato]

rant post!!!!

im so fucked up im INSANELY fucked up

i left my notebook (w/ all my notes!!!) in pampanga

i forget that ive borrowed shit from people (i borrowed a calculator from someone. im positive its in the house but ewan)

sometimes i think im being self-destructive on purpose, to prove to ppl na “YO im not all that.” THIS IS STUPID THO IM STUPID : )

im so STRESSED but i bring the stress to myself

i have an internal locus of control ISH in the sense na... i kno everything is my fault and my responsibility and i can change it???

but why cant i :----------) 

correction: why dont i :-----------)

im done idk how im gon perform well in everything

people have so many opportunities ewan there was a mckinsey weekend pala

ewan KO NA what the fuck am i doing w my life

i dont even have a fucking internship yet

fucking fuck me

sometimes i feel like!!!!! i might have smth. i might be sick. but then im like NAH UR JUST BEING A SHT KAI U CAN CHANGE IT. DONT COMPARE URSELF TO PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTUALLY SICK UR JUST fucKING EXCUSING URSELF

i just had a convo w a friend recently and she was like “yk hating on urself doesnt do anything” and i know that UGH i kno the sht i should and shouldnt do on a logical level. but i dont do it!!!!!!!! fuck it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im such a pc of sht jesus christ!!!!!!!!!

when i get faced w a problem my instinct is to panic AND SHT and UGH WTF FUCKING HELL 

i can be positive i swear i can look forward to shit i can be motivated but the ultimate breakdown point has been nearing. ive almost reached it. but i try to hold back. fuCK IT FUCK ME i just wanna punch smth and throw sht at the wall AND BREAK THINGS break myself IDEK it wont even DO ANYTHING

after years of young me being passive af and not being angry here i am!!!!!!!! i cant. ayOKO NA wtf

i legit dunno how im gon survive i dont even get to practice anymore. fuck im such a shitty person

(this is not a post asking for reassurance. this is rly just a rant post)

[thesubatomicpotato]

i wanna talk but i also dont

so im here

oh my god i feel like im just

taking up space

what am i contributing

pls

want to tell A  abt sht but i dont wanna ... drain her... hahahaha

and ive told her so much and p much almost everything

maybe i should stop

i hate myself

ive been keeping up medj ok the past few weeks despite everything

trying to convince myself na i can do it

while i think i can i just

sometimes i rly feel like i cant

B also wants me to confide sht pero tbh no one is rly able to help or make me feel better

ONLY U URSELF CAN MAKE U FEEL BETTER LUH??

also B’s not online and even when he is doesnt reply agad, which i need when i feel like sht. i should tell B this

[thesubatomicpotato]

must let it out

I FEEL SO FUCKING INCOMPETENT IN EVERYTHING I DO : )

sometimes it gets better, but i keep going back to the rut

this is crazy like other ppl believe in me or smth

but i cant??? why cant i

wtf is wrong w me