Valentine? Who the Hell is Valentine?!
Oh, the dreaded February. The time of year where all the world’s hopeless romantics celebrate the most unimaginative, consumer-oriented, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance that humanity has ever seen.
Yes, dears, Valentine's Day is mere hours away, and it is one of our absolute least favourite “occasions” of the year. Here are a few reasons why:
1. Being single (on V-day) sucks. For some singles, it’s enough being reminded on a daily basis how lonely and alone they are. Then along comes Schmalentines where you literally have to suffer through an entire day of cheesy romance, mushy couple shit, and red-and-white heart shaped balloons shoved in your face. Guys, it’s tacky. It makes single people feel unloved and unappreciated, and it is a complete waste of resources.
2. V-day is unnecessarily stressful. Ok so you’re not single, it’s V-day, and you’re running around like a headless chicken trying to make reservations or find gifts and cards that express your undying materialistic love, only to freak out when nothing goes as planned. Hmmm, NO.
3. It empowers gender stereotypes. For some men, V-day is considered a day to prove to their partners "just how much they love them." They go out, spend hard-earned cash on empty words printed on mass-produced Hallmark cards, slow-rotting roses and diamonds they can ill afford.
Meanwhile, said partner sits back, basks in this display of superficial love showing that men are the dominant ones in the relationship, which, let's face it, is a crock of shit. All relationships are and should be equal. No one should be expected to do more or less than the other based on gender. There, we said it.
5. V-day sucks because of all the lonely people who complain about how much it sucks. Note that these are the same individuals who LOVE V-day when they do have someone to share it with. Hey, are you a traffic light? Because stop.
6. February is the disobedient-child-who-was-put-into-the-naughty-corner of the year. The weather is borderline bipolar; it's the shortest month, and sometimes has that one extra day that just throws people off. Meh.
7. What to do?! How do you act around your single friends when you're the one in a relationship? Or, how do you act around your friends in a relationship if you're the single one?! Is all this over-exerted thinking really necessary?!
8. People who propose on V-day *rolls eyes* Seriously, could you be any more unoriginal?! Proposing on a day that everyone else also chooses to totally takes away the surprise element. In fact, it's almost expected in long-term relationships! Ugh, don't even.
9. Cupid is creepy. A chubby flying baby in a full diaper shooting "love" arrows at people. Errr, sure.
Now, don’t misunderstand. Everyone is different, and some people really dig the soppy stuff, which is ok too. But let’s face it, when you’re in a relationship based on trust and mutual understanding, love is naturally shared and appreciated, meaning every damn day is Valentine’s Day, and no amount of mush and cheese (except on pizza, obviously) is needed to prove it.
So, whether you're single, not single, in a complicated relationship or just prefer hanging out with furry friends, remember: less is more, and it's the little things that count. And if they don't appreciate that, then hey, it might be time to reconsider your options...
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