#shoreparty

[ruffist]

jen it's your birthday???? happy bday!!!! also i just saw a listing for an iphone 5 case of 1d naked!

it was yesterday!! and thank youuuu babe <33333 lol u should link me to it ;)

[comrade-snl-ocean-direction]

OMG I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT HPEDNNED TO YOU

I MADE A 1D DAY TUMBLR BC I WANTED TO LIVETWEET/TUMBLR IT FOR COMPANY BC I AM A SAD EXCUSE OF A SHELL OF A HUMAN

[ruffist]

shoreparty replied to your photo “hihihihi this drama’s all gross so i wish u cuties could be here...”

you're actually the most gorgeous person ever, like i wanna fuck the shit out of you, look at that smile, THOSE EYESSSS

omfg i didn't even see u say this til now but u r too sweet and i am v v flattered effy ;) ;)

[ruffist]

WHATS UP BANG ANY BOYS LATELY.

omfg this is the best message i've ever gotten 

[ruffist]

who's the cutest????

[comradeocean]

shoreparty replied to your post: shoreparty replied to your post: The last thing I...

i want to respond to this properly. soon. god i wish i could be a better friend to you. “started off so well” is a fucking curse, babe.

nah, you're great!

and hahah I'm actually feeling kinda self righteous these days about the financial terms of "started off so well" rather than guilty bc access to that positioning was very conditional and based on how capitalism/globalization exploits gendered economic dependence a.k.a my shitty dad being shitty. but there are other expectations. and stuff to do with social/cultural capital I guess too. and ugh so much other stuff about immigrants and class. idk

[comradeocean]

shoreparty replied to your post: The last thing I ever got on my mom’s health...

i ordered a pair recently from firmoo? it was like 50 because my script is so high but i really like them, there’s a first pair free thing

thanks for the tip!!

ugh I'm being so weird but I don't really think I want sunglasses again? I mean I hate the sun and find the outdoors too bright pretty much all the time

but I'm really stupidly attached to the idea of prescription frames as a symbol of conspicuous consumption? (only symbol?) (paid for via employee health benefits and good lol corporate lol citizenship?)

like I'm living this fucking stupid life where everything I own is broken or falling apart or only works in a very limited way that requires a lot of coaxing and tape and knowing just the angle to hold it. and on one side it's an aesthetic I can cling to (there was a fb quiz I did yrs and yrs ago "what kind of AZN r u" and my answers came back "old skool" with a picture of a wrinkled old lady wearing sleeve guards idk if you know the ones - they're dark blue and have elastics at both ends and they're worn from the wrist to the elbow so clothes stay clean longer esp if you're doing the kind of work where sleeves are always being dragged against surfaces), a make-do-and-hustle aesthetic. and on the other edge is how embarrassingly pathetic and out of sorts my life/being (?) is. like an aesthetic is a choice but when is a choice not actually a choice?

and scratched up Ray-Ban frames from my parents health plan 7 yrs ago is part of that. and still newish Armani prescription sunglasses too. ugh I'm worried this is all getting v macklemore in a gross way, the association with old/used/second-hand. bc the actual thrifty make-do way is to make a budget and set aside a bit until I can get something cheap and excellent and a bargain.

like I don't know how to talk about being broke and terrified and depressed on a downward spiral but from a life and surroundings that used to be v immigrant middle class like a decade ago. like it's not a student ramen hardlyfe kinda thing. and it's not started-from-the-bottom dishwasher selling flowers by the side of the highway thing. like it's my-life-has-been-falling-apart-in-slow-motion-for-ten-years-now-but-because-I-started-off-so-well-I-can-still-get-by-but-it's-harder-and-harder-and-seems-like-will-only-get-worse-as-I-continue-to-ruin-lives-and-it's-all-my-fault idk sorry this kinda got out of hand =/

[ruffist]

having sex with liam would be impossible because i wouldn't be able to get over the eyebrows, like i'd just keep caressing them