Twisted- a post-canon Xenoblade Chronicles oneshot
“I’m nobody.”
Reyn finds Shulk alone and in need of comfort. MASSIVE endgame spoilers and some of my own theories below the readmore, also available on Ao3 here
I have this theory that after his Zanza-induced possession-undeath, Shulk’s personality/interests/skills were all basically changed on the spot by Zanza into things that would make him a perfect host. And like. We never got to know him before his death, we never get to meet anyone who knew him before he died. How do we know that the Shulk we play as is anything like the Shulk who died in Ose Tower?
“I’m nobody.”
Reyn reels a little when he hears those words leave Shulk’s mouth. He’d come to check in, make sure his friend wasn’t so wrapped up in his projects that he’d forgotten to eat dinner or anything. He had never expected to find shredded blueprints littering the floor, and Shulk quietly holding back tears under his workbench.
“Oi, don’t say that, Shulk. That ain’t true. What’s this all about, man?” Reyn gets down on his hands and knees and shuffles under the workbench too, while Shulk just hugs his knees tighter. After a few moments of silence, Reyn prompts him again. “What’s this about?”
Shulk sighs. “It’s true, Reyn. I’m nobody, I’ve never been anybody.”
Reyn shakes his head, putting a hand on his best friend’s shoulder. “And I’m tellin’ you, that ain’t true. Tell me what’s got you thinking like this, man.”
Shulk stares quietly at Reyn, eyes shiny with unshed tears, before looking down at the floor. He says quietly, “It was all Zanza.”
Reyn frown. “What?”
Shulk’s face twists and he scrubs at his eye with the palm of his hand. “The… my research, my theories, those were never really mine. They were all his, the whole time. He was using me the whole damn time.” Reyn can feel Shulk shaking under his hoodie.
“Shulk, man, I… I don't understand. I thought Zanza was, I dunno, sleeping that whole time? Whaddya mean they were his?”
Shulk breathes, and explains, “It was all to get to the Monado. My interest in the sword, my aptitude for research and mechanical engineering… it was all just to get me closer to the Monado. That was the only reason I ever did any of that stuff, yknow?” he admits, and he sounds on the verge of hysterics. “It was all just to get to the Monado. It’s always been about the Monado.”
“And now that the Monado’s gone…”
“None of it matters anymore!” shulk explodes. “Nothing in my life ever mattered without the Monado!”
“Oi, don’t think like that! There’s plenty of-”
“You’re not getting it,” Shulk grabs Reyn’s arm, and his grip is desperate, eyes wild as he rambles. “Nothing ever mattered besides the Monado because that’s what he needed me for. Zanza needed me to wield it so he made me want it, the Monado’s all I ever wanted because that’s what he wanted. Ever since I found it up in that tower. That’s all I ever wanted. And… now that it’s gone- now that h-he’s gone…” Shulk breaks off with a sob, and seems to crumple in on himself. “I… I don’t know what I want anymore.”
“Hey, hey…” Reyn gently coaxes Shulk into a hug. “Use that big brain of yours, man. You’re still your own person. Zanza can never take that away from you, ya hear me? You ain’t a nobody.”
Shulk looks up at him miserably and admits, “I’m e-eighteen and I don’t even know what I like.”
‘He ain’t making sense again,’ Reyn thinks, knowing there’s another piece he’s missing. He prompts, “Think back to before Zanza, then. What did ya like then?”
Shulk inhales shakily, and he admits, “I- that’s the thing! I can’t remember! I know there’s supposed to be memories there- I can feel it, but I…” He stops, breathes, and looks up at Reyn, defeat written on his face. “There’s nothing there, Reyn.”
Reyn’s expression falls, as that sinks in.
Oh.
Oh.
“I don’t know who I am, Reyn.” Shulk buries his face in the front of Reyn’s shirt, and chokes out, “I’m nobody.”
Shulk weeps quietly as Reyn gently rubs his back, thinking. Man, how the hell can he fix this? Shulk’s been holding onto this for a while, hasn’t he? He’s got this all thought out and everything.
After a few seconds Reyn says, “You say you don’t know who you are?” He doesn't give Shulk a chance to respond before he continues, “I’ll give you a place to start, then: you are my best friend. In the whole world.”
Shulk makes a gasping little sob, meeting Reyn’s steady gaze with a look of genuine surprise.
Reyn keeps going. “And I’ll tell you what else, you’re one of the bravest people I know. Even when you’re scared, you never let that hold you back from doing what you think is right. You’re smart as all hell too, even if that means you gotta get out more,” he jokes, “but you’re honest and kind, and I’ve never seen you turn down someone in need. All that sure don't sound like a nobody to me.”
Shulk breathes shakily, blinking back a few tears as Reyn gently takes his hand.
“You’re not a nobody, Shulk. I promise.”
It takes a moment, but Shulk wraps his arms tight around Reyn. “Thank you,” he says breathlessly. “Thank you, thank you…”
“Any time, man. ‘S what I’m here for.”
Shulk nods, taking in a huge, shaky breath before he lets it back out again. His voice is clearer when he speaks again, asking, “Can we get out of here? I don’t…” he trails off, looking at some of the ripped-up blueprints on the floor. “I just want to be anywhere but here.”
“Yeah, man, we can go.” Reyn waits for Shulk to let go before he crawls out from under the work desk, Shulk following. And, just because he can, once he’s stood upright again he scoops Shulk into his arms to carry him out.
“I-I can walk!” Shulk protests, sounding more surprised than anything.
“And I can carry you,” Reyn retorts with a laugh. Shulk sighs and seems to give up, resting his head against Reyn’s shoulder as he walks them both out of the lab building. No one really pays them any mind: Shulk being carried by someone happens enough that it’s not really worth noting anymore. Reyn walks, taking them to the edge of the new colony and then out, stopping on the dune hills that roll down into the salty ocean. The sand is nice and warm from the afternoon and the breeze feels good, so they end up just sitting there in the sand, watching the fiery sun dip closer to the horizon. Shulk leans up against Reyn, and Reyn puts his arm across his back, and neither of them speak for a while.
“I want to know who I am,” Shulk says finally.
“Hm?”
Shulk’s stare out across the water is focused, the tears in his eyes are gone. “I wanna know who I am,” he repeats. Reyn notices that he’s got that look in his eye, the one he gets when there’s a puzzle or problem he’s trying to figure out. “Zanza… he smothered who I was, to get what he wanted. And it feels like there’s nothing left, but…”
“But what?”
Shulk chews his lip and then suggests, “Maybe… it could come back? The pieces of who I was, that is.” He breathes, and Reyn lets him keep talking, keep building onto his idea. “I’m not the same as Zanza. Because if I was, then I would have done exactly what he wanted, the entire time. But I didn’t, and we beat him, so that must mean… that there was a part of me he wasn’t able to touch. That counts for something, right?”
Reyn smiles. “There we go, man,” he praises, and gives Shulk a friendly little jostle.
The corner of Shulk’s mouth quirks up in a half-smile. “I’m not the same as him, I know that now,” he continues, sounding much more confident. “Zanza tried to make it that way, but it didn’t work out. Even though I spent most of my time fixated on the Monado, there were times I’d get… distracted, almost.” Shulk frowns, deep in thought. “I don’t really know how else to describe it.”
“How’s that?”
“Well… in Makna Forest, for one. I remember Melia was trying to talk to me, she was upset, but it felt like the only thing I could focus on were the plants.” His cheeks flush red as he admits, “I realize that’s why she got mad at me, but I just… I don’t know. It was like they were important, all of a sudden. And then a while later my head just went right back to the Monado.”
“I remember that,” Reyn muses. “Thought you were gonna wander right off into the forest a couple’a times.” And thinking back it wasn’t just at Makna Forest: out on Sword Valley, Shulk nearly got himself beheaded by a Mechon because he’d been completely focused on this little black wildflower with sharp petals. And in Mechonis Field, same thing: nearly got himself killed while admiring this little blue flower with wavy petals. And both times, after a while… right back to the Monado.
Shulk sighs, and idly traces shapes in the sand with his finger. “At the time I thought it was just, you know, being in a strange new place, and the wonder of it all. But now, I’m looking back and I’m wondering… maybe that was me? The real me, from before. Maybe as we got closer to the end, Zanza got careless, and that part of me slipped through and came out again?”
Reyn nods. “Could be, man. I mean, you defied him, that could have been a part of it.”
“I think it must have been…” Shulk hums. “I don’t see how plants could have ever factored into his plans for me. It’s just…” He hums again, but doesn’t continue and Reyn has to prompt him again. Shulk finally admits, “I feel like it’s… strange for me. After spending my life looking into weaponry and mechanical engineering, isn’t an interest in plants a little strange?”
Reyn can’t help it, he laughs.
“Reyn!” Shulk elbows him.
“Sorry, sorry,” Reyn chuckles. “I just think you’re worrying too much. So you like plants, big deal. I started learning how to knit when I was eleven. If it’ll make you happy and it ain’t hurtin’ no one, who cares what you like?”
This brings a smile to Shulk’s face. “Yeah…” He looks back out to the waves as they roll and flow over each other at the waterline. Then he lets out a little laugh. “I do worry too much, don’t I?”
“Someone has to,” Reyn says playfully. “I mean, if no one’s worrying then no one’s thinking ahead. And no one’s keeping me out of trouble.”
“I suppose that’s true,” Shulk admits with a chuckle. A few seconds of silence pass, before he starts, “Reyn? I… Thank you, for being with me.”
Reyn smiles. “Ain’t a problem, man. It’s what I'm ‘ere for.”
Reyn isn’t sure how long they stayed there on the beach. But the next day, when he finds Shulk crouched over a little purple flower with a book in his hands, he walks over and asks about it. And Shulk’s eyes light up, and Reyn has never been happier to have his ear talked off.
