#sia rambles

[delulu-darling]

I AM SO OBSESSED WITH THIS MANHWA

[siawrites]

GenX Parenting

GenX LatchKey Parenting is weird. I was a true Latchkey. I was the adult in the house from age 9 onwards after school and in summer. I once had a debate with my partner about what it meant. He claimed to be a latchkey kid too, but he had an after school program called "Latchkey." I had to explain that, no, darling, a true GenX Latchkey carried their key on their neck/pinned inside their backpack/or on a keyring and came home to an empty house. Sometimes with a younger sibling they were responsible for, sometimes alone. I WAS the adult in the house. There were no others. It took him a while to understand that the two were not remotely alike. I was 9 years old, my younger sister was 6, when we began this particular misadventure.

Currently, I am rearing a GenAlpha 10yo. I saw a post whining about how GenXers get all "In my day, I was outside unsupervised..." etc., bullshit. There's fucking reason for that. Unless you're in the same place where you grew up, which is fucking rare....

One of the reasons I can't let my child go anywhere, really, is that there's nowhere to go. There was a convenience store accessible by walking path where I grew up. I could walk/bike to a Burger King if I had to (Also, it was my first paid job). The library was a haul, but doable. So was the park. And I could drag my sisters along.

Her nearest park is a mile away. It's in our subdivision, but it's a mile away over a very narrow bridge and through suburban streets in an area where people consider children a nuisance and drive massive SUVs they can't see over the hood of. And they DO NOT STOP for kids. It's a combination of retirees who don't care and spoiled teenagers who have ZERO experience (and who also don't care). We've seen it out front of our own house, complete with rude gestures. Cars in the 80s, coming off the gas crisis of the 70s were so much smaller, and speed limits were lower. They probably didn't drive any better, but I don't remember so many fatalities in car v bike accidents. Also, Stranger Things got one thing right. The kids traveling in packs with bikes meant safety in numbers. If your kid is the only one allowed to roam, she doesn't have a pack.

I stay home and only work part time so my child doesn't have to be the adult in the house. Because it WAS neglect. And it fucked over my relationship with my sisters. My parents couldn't afford legit day care. I'm not sure how my mother found the people who watched us, I never asked, but they were usually someone who had a bunch of kids and just wanted to supplement their grocery bill. Anyone who would watch us inevitably had an issue with my younger sister's behavior because she had ADHD. Most were borderline abusive. If not outright. So yeah, somehow that translated to "let the 9yo watch her." And then throw in the youngest when her care got too expensive. We've only just gotten to joke that I should get a Mother's Day card. (I shouldn't, but it's one of the many reasons I only have one child. She's the third one I've raised.)

My child can go outside unsupervised, just not on our street. (It's the main road in our subdivision, people ignore the speed limit.) But she couldn't until she was 8. She has certain rules she has to follow. She has no independent internet access. And she won't for a while. If she wants totally independent internet access, she can get an account with her own credit card attached to it, when shes old enough.

And I'm going to ask this rhetorically.... if you're 25, why are you allowing your parents to pay for anything they can restrict? It may be cheaper, but is it really worth it?

[courtjestermerlin]

So I'm in a bit of a reading slump

Does this mean I should go back and re-read all my favourite fics? Yes, I think it does.

[delulu-darling]

Desi wattpad is fun but some of these books are insane lmfao 😭

Like what do you mean he has a panther as a pet?? Is that even legal :) ?!

[siawrites]

Sigh.

I had every intention of attempting to write a novel in November — The infamous NANO. (Without using their bullshit website or anything.) Just trying to get going on the first actual ideas I’ve had in years.

And the state of THIS (gestures to the shit around me) does nothing but sap my will and creativity. And I’m not sure how to ignore it. Since ignoring it feels like a privilege.

But I find it hard to be creative when I’m worried about stretching a single paycheck since I’m still a SAHM. Which is no longer a privilege, but a necessity brought about by child care costs, transportation costs, commuting time, and the fact that I’m a woman over 50. I find it hard to be creative when the news seems to be showing a president hell bent on provoking a riot somewhere so he can invoke the insurrection act before the next election cycle. And so I pray we all stay peaceful. But how much will we as a people keep taking before something breaks?

I find it hard to stay creative when my hormones are screwed from hypothyroid, perimenopause, menopause, etc, to the point where a solid night’s sleep is a delusion and a day dream I once had at some point in my 20s.

And then parenting fun. I love my daughter. Her willpower and stubbornness will serve her well some day. Just gotta get through adolescence.

I dunno. Maybe I just need to ramble on the page and see what sticks rather than finding a good opening. I’ve never done that. Inspiration has always struck like lightning. But then, I’ve never been this — whatever this is. Exhausted? Overwhelmed? Worried? Depressed?

Clearly I can still write something. Or I wouldn’t have just rambled this out. I just need to care less? Maybe? Just have fun with it. I used to have fun with it. Before I tried to think of it as a job. Maybe that was my mistake.

[delulu-darling]

Perhaps, I will always miss Vaibhav Raj Gupta as Annu Mishra 🫠

[delulu-darling]

You probably think it's a small thing that happened,

The world ended when it happened to me.

[delulu-darling]

Sylus's new myth drop has me screaming Jhkhkjbkjn