bones throb, knees sore from resting ‘pon cold, hard ground. fingers twitch, begging to reach out to the woman next to him, to pull her into his arms and get them the fuck away from this hell - circle. with every stolen glance sideways, he could see the fear in those big brow doe - eyes, tears dripping down splotchy cheeks. jeff sucks in a deep breath; he needed to be strong for HER.
this SAVIOR negan, he’s putting on a show. waving around his men and his guns like he’s got nothing to lose. putting jeff & his people on their knees, women and children, for what ? half of their supplies ? sure, the dead were walking & eating the living, but did people no longer have morals ? did they no longer know right from WRONG ?
truthfully, jeff hadn’t paying attention to what negan had been saying since he got on his knees. no, all of his focus was on lucy, was on her body language and doing whatever he possibly could to keep her calm ( which was next to nothing ). jeff thinks back, remembers the attacks on the savior’s camp & though he supported it then, he’s beginning to think that it was a mistake, that negan was not someone to fuck with. & despite the anger boiling up inside of him, jeff was scared.
the rhyming is what pulls him from his daze, the barbed bat traveling up and down the line, in the faces of the people that jeff loved. when it lands on him he does not flinch, he straightens his back and lifts his chin, yes he was scared but he would not show that fear to this mother fucker. he refused to give him any more upper hand advantages than he already had.
when he says “ IT ” & it’s silent jeff doesn’t look over right away. and even as he begins giving terms, talking to the unlucky soul that’s about to be killed, he does not look. “ YOU CAN CRY ” negan says, and jeff just might. because he finally finds it in him to lift his gaze, and he sees negan winding up & before he can react the bat comes down and cracks against lucy’s skull. jeff’s world shatters, he shakes with fear and with agony & he wants nothing more than to wrap his hands around negan’s throat.
❛ n--------- NO !! ❜ anger erupts, he jumps to his feet but instead of going after negan, he collapses by his dead wife. fingers tug at the wet fabric of her sweater, pulling her up into his lap despite her not being there. she was still on the pavement in front of him, mixed in with blood and brains and dirt. she deserved better,
his eyes are filled to the brim with salty tears, they drip over the edges and down onto lucy, disrupting the dirt & blood pooling in his lap. he is crying, sobbing & rocking back and forth. head bows & forehead presses into her chest, no one stops him, no one touches him for what seems like a lifetime.
when he speaks again it’s just to her, soft and raspy from the sobs. ❛ i love you, baby . . . i’m sorry . . . i’m so sorry . . . ❜ he blames himself.
you. are. it ! αccepтιɴɢ selectively
