Today. I felt mostly annoyance and exasperation and boredom at my tumblr dashboard and I can't say I've ever felt that way before. It could be because I'm more easily aggravated the past days. It could be because I am not involved wholeheartedly in a fandom - but rather I detect an extreme reluctance in myself to love a thing. To expend energy and attention. Which of course is the worst state that can befall anyone. If it really is a sign of apathy. Perhaps it is a sign of shifting interests. A long festering restlessness coming to a head. I don't really know how to fix my dashboard so extremely or whether this simply spells the end for my time here as I slowly peel away from this medium. Maybe I will learn to open myself up to more chaos sometime again. Maybe I will learn to live with more regularity. Less worry. Maybe I will relearn how to love things again but with healthy selectivity. To take chances and not sigh at lists of entertainment. This is just a ramble.