the heartbeat | a silent shadows drabble | a teaser
This forthcoming drabble is all @aenarsnow ‘s fault 😭 One anon answer and suddenly I have the idea of Jon listening to Dany’s heart and talking about boob pillows and then it became baby related and well some photos from @youwerenevermine later and here we are.
#4 or #5 for romantic one liners please and thank you 🤗
HOW ABOUT BOTH!? 🥰😭🤗 And even better how about both in the silent shadows universe!? AND WHAT IF I MAKE IT ANGSTY!?!?! (Moodboard to follow)
Sooooooo sorry it took me an age. 😭 I hope you like it even if if gave me perverse pleasure to torture the beans a bit.
Romantic One Liner Prompts
4. “Not to sound cheesy but your smile really lights up the room.”
5. “I cannot find the words to describe how I feel about you.”
Shadow watched her warily from his position on her bed, head on his paws, and his tail shoved underneath his back legs, eyes darting occasionally between her pacing form and Drogon sitting atop her dresser, hissing at him every few minutes. He was vibrating, nervous and keying in on her emotions, which were pouring off of her with every second.
Her frustration levels had exploded in one godsawful fight and she'd hightailed it out of Jon's house and to her apartment, not wanting to deal with him for another second longer. It wasn't her fault, she kept telling herself, speeding away from his house, skidding snow and melt, and exploding into her apartment at full steam, shouting how annoying he was, how much she was sick of his behaviors.
"I owe it to myself," she said to Shadow, passing by him again. Her fingers clenched into her palms, nails digging deep. "I mean, I'm the one who is going through all this stuff physically, right? The least he could do is just..." She growled. He was still holding back. He was still refusing to speak to her, keeping his emotions close to the vest, but they had moved beyond that. Or so she thought.
Instead of talking to her, instead of at the very least telling her he wasn't thinking the same, he'd shut down, he'd withdrawn into himself, and he had been spending most of his nights on "observation calls" with the wolves, deep in the forest, and not in their bed. "He has to stop doing that," she told Shadow.
She scrubbed her fingers over her face, exhausted, and sank into a chair in the corner. Her stomach hurt, her head hurt, and she ached every which way. It was the bloody hormones. The little notebook at her side, resting innocently on the end table, mocked her with its check marks and color-coding. Next week was their first egg retrieval and he'd give his sample. They were flying out to Essos in a couple days.
Or rather, they were planning on it.
Right now she had no bloody idea what was happening.
Leaning over her knees, she pressed her face into her palms, thinking back over the argument. It was so stupid. It was just over dinner. Dinner, of all bloody things!
He'd come home, to find her making them grilled cheese sandwiches, because there was nothing in the fridge and she thought he was getting something. He had texted her before leaving the sanctuary that he thought she was getting stuff. Annoyed, she snapped she'd just make something.
He tapped her shoulder when he came into the kitchen, even though she heard him and had ignored him. He picked up one of the slices of grilled cheese and smirked at her, biting into it and then signing. "Not to sound cheesy, but your smile really lights up the room."
She had been smiling, but not at him. More so at Ghost ,who was in the other room with Shadow, wisely sensing the tension. Jon laughed at his own joke, but she was not amused. She signed, angry. "You were supposed to get dinner."
"I thought that was you, I was busy."
"Busy? You're the busy one? You've been sleeping in the forest for the last week!"
He shrugged, continuing to eat. "Aye, it's breeding season, lots to observe."
"Breeding season?" She shouted now, slamming her hands on her stomach, which had puffed out because of the hormones. He flinched, not looking at her. She grabbed his face, jerking his eyes towards her lips so he could read them-- he wasn't getting out of it that easy. "Yeah it's breeding season Jon! We're going to Essos next week for the IVF and you've been hiding from me, not listening to me, and now you're making jokes like it's all fun and games?"
They hadn't even talked about the IVF.
That would require them to be in the same house at the same time.
So basically, he was avoiding her.
And she had been avoiding him, because he had been avoiding her.
His lips twitched, his eyes shuttering, and she lunged for him, but he was already turning away. "Don't you do that!" she shouted, although it was pointless, because he was already walking away from her. She grabbed his arm, jerking him around, furiously signing. "Don't you run away from me Jon!" Tears stung the corners of her eyes. "We have to talk about this! I decided to do this with you because...because I was ready but if you are changing your mind..." It had been three months since he ran into that hospital corridor, proclaiming his love and throwing himself at the mercy of her love, saying he wanted to be with her, he wanted a baby with her too, he was ready.
And now he was changing his mind, basically, or that's what it seemed to her.
He shook his arm free. "I'm not changing my mind! I've been busy!"
"Oh you're busy? Well so am I! Busy trying to figure out if I even want this baby with you now!" It came out before she realized it and she saw his face, the ashen color, and she hesitated. "Jon I didn't..."
He shook his head, sneering, and spoke, voice thick. "You feel that? You...I told you....I'm not..." He scrambled for the words and signed, his face a twist of pain and anger. "I told you!"
Told me what? She was so mad at him, she signed again. "I'm not staying here tonight."
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
Shadow was out the door with her before she knew what was happening, and now here she was, lost and confused, and frustrated. Upset. Hurt. She blinked away tears, tucking her feet under her in the chair, sniffling back sobs. It was too late in Essos to call Missandei or Rhaegar. There was always Arya, but when it came to matters of Jon Snow vs. Daenerys Targaryen, as close as she was to Arya, she did tend towards siding with Jon. Since it was about...whatever it was about, she probably would stay out of it entirely.
There was Shadow, but as he was deaf, he couldn't' even hear her voice. He hopped off the bed, however and rested his chin on her knee, dolefully staring up at her. She scratched his head, whispering. "You're a good boy."
This was supposed to be different now.
Jon and her had different priorities in life, they'd realigned those. He'd gone to therapy-- was still going actually-- resulting in him being more open with her, more accepting. He still struggled, she understood that, she sympathized and she felt it deeply, but gods....he had to realize at this point in their relationship, she was there for him!
"He can talk to me," she mumbled, closing her eyes.
But what if he couldn't?
Her eyes opened and she blinked a few times, her heart hurting so badly it was bleeding everywhere. She missed him.
If he couldn't talk to her, then why? Was it about the baby? Was she pressuring ihm? She frowned, looking over her behavior, but then she shook her head, growling. No! It wasn't her! She had been more than open with him, more than understanding, and sometimes that was what drove her so crazy with the man. She had bent over backwards for him.
But she'd been passive aggressive the last week.
She'd been ignoring him too.
She took a deep breath and picked up her phone from the end table, staring at the screen. There were several texts from him.
Can we talk?
I'm sorry.
I don't want to do this over the phone.
I'm coming over.
You don't get to ignore me.
You've been ignoring me too.
Dany?
What the fuck. talk to me.
Fine.
Whatever that last one meant, she wasn't going to try to figure it out. She opened up the messages and sent him back a response.
I'm here. I'm not ignoring you.
She paused and took a deep breath, typing fast: I don't understand what is going on. Talk to me Jon. If you don't then I guess I know where I stand in the scheme of things. She closed her eyes and hit send, following up quickly with: I love you.
The instant she pressed send, her door rattled, keys jangling in the lock. Shadow didn't react, obviously, but the dragons did, Drogon and Rhaegal springing up and running to the door to see who had arrived. At their departure, Shadow turned and barked, taking a sniff and eyes widening when he caught Ghost and Jon's scents, rutning and greeting them.
She remained in her chair, waiting for him to enter. He did, a few seconds later, and he looked miserable. His eyes were sunken, his hands shoved in his pockets. He wasn't wearing a coat, the flannel shirt hanging off his shoulders loosely, his frame appearing thin to her. She hadn't noticed, but he did look like he'd lost some weight recently. He stared over at her and she waited, continuing to keep her hands still, although they itched to begin speaking.
"I cannot find the words to describe how I feel about you," he spoke.
Each time he spoke, stretching his vocal cords to their limits, his heart racing nervously because he could not tell what he was actually saying, the pitch and the volume, her pulse quickened, because it was his true voice, and he was vulnerable when he did it, his heart out in the open, offered for the trampling.
It made her melt, it was her favorite sound in the world, expect maybe his laugh.
It meant things were important, when he spoke to her like that.
She didn't move, her muscles locked, gaze intense on him. He continued, stuttering. "I...you make me..." He clenched his fist and pressed to his chest. "Hurt. Here." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I...scared. Scared of it...so real now. All real. I...forget. Forget because I feel so much."
The vision of him before her wavered, tears filling her eyes, unshed. She knew what he was talking about. He loved her so much it overwhelmed him, it scared him, and he reverted back to the easy thing. To the forest, to his wolves. She lifted her fingers, folding them into the words. "You cannot do that anymore You cannot run from me."
He nodded. "I know."
"I love you so much Jon Snow. We are in this together. Both of us. it has to be both of us."
He pushed from the door and walked over to her, kneeling in front of her and covered her hand with his. She could see the pain etched in the lines therading from his eyes and around his lips. "I want a baby. With you. Only you." He hesitated and she struggled to understand, the emotion so thick in his words he was almost unintelligible. "I am scared. No going back. I forget you...you want me."
Her hands went to his face, cupping it in her palms, and she spoke, crystal clear so he could read her lips. "I want you more than anything in this world Jon Snow. I love you and I want this baby with you." She hesitated and continued. "I am sorry I ran off tonight, but you make me...I can't read your mind and I don't deserve it when you push me away. Again." And again and again.
He nodded quickly. "I know. I'm so sorry. I just..." He shrugged, helpless. "My whole life. NO one...wanted...me."
It killed her, that he had been so locked away after his accident. No one saw him as anything but that deaf boy, shuttered in the attic, locked in his silent world, just his wolves. And her.
"I want you," she signed. She smiled. "All of you."
"i know."
"Then stop closing me away Jon." She bit her lower lip, shrugging sadly. "Because I cannot risk the pain of what is going to happen to us if we aren't in it together."
He nodded, but she didn't think he quite understood. He seemed so certain that this would work. They would fly to Essos, they'd go through the procedure, and a few weeks later they would have a baby, but she knew better than to be so hopeful, so certain. She was cautious about it. It was the only way to protect herself.
Just like running away was his.
She brushed his hair back behind his ear, curling it around her finger, speaking out loud again. "I'm sorry I ran away too. We can't do that."
"No, we can't," he signed, agreeing.
They would figure it out. She fell into his arms, both of htem sinking to the floor, embracing tight. He kissed her neck, face buried in her hair and she did the same to him, swaying lightly in his arms. She loved him so much it hurt. It would always hurt. The good kind, she thought. She pulled her face away and stared at him, his pain and fear still evident in the furrow of his brow and the pressed line of his lips. She touched her fingertip to them, shaking her head. "You will be a good father Jon. I want this with you. Only you."
It had been easy in the beginning, to say that she would do the donor sperm, because she wanted this baby. Now she couldn't think of anyone else as the father of her child. Not some nameless entity in a test tube. It had to be Jon and only Jon.
He kissed her gently. His hand came up, signing. "I only want this with you too."
They kissed, deeper this time, the emotions surging inside of them, the hormones raging in her. It had been weeks; she'd been so scared of potentially messing something up and they had a stopping point. Mel told her they needed to refrain from anything a week before, part of the protocols. She hadn't had to worry about it the last time, since she'd been doing it on her own, but now she needed him desperately, especially if it was going to be the last time for a week.
He lifted her up from the floor, easily carrying her over to the bed and depositing her on it, breaking away from their furious kisses long enough to shut the door on a nosy Shadow and Viserion, who were trying to sneak back in. She giggled, reaching up for him and leaning back, head lightly hitting her pillows and traced his cheek, scratching at his bristly beard. He smiled gently. "I love you so much," she said.
"I love you." He rose over her, touching his nose against hers, breathing deep. His hands found hers and squeezed, stretching them up over her head, his lips brushing down her cheeks, to her chin and began tracking down, letting go of her to begin plucking at her clothing, while she remained in place, hands up over her head, eyes fluttering shut.
A few hours later, she tapped his heart, lifting up to rest her chin on his chest, peering up at his face, which was tilted up to the ceiling, watching the moonlight play shadows through the open window. She took a deep breath and sighed. "Jon," she said.
He didn't move and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, speaking out loud, to nothing really. "Jon I need you to do this with me. I can't do it alone. We're in this together. You and me. No more running away and I won't either. We're making a baby together. We're going to be parents. I love you more than anything, but if this keeps up, I can't do this. It isn't fair to either of us. I know you can't hear me, but I want you to know, and I hope you can understand."
There, she said it.
She lifted up a little farther, looking down at him. His eyes flicked open, a smile lazily pulling over his lips. He turned a little closer to her, and his voice was raspy, breaking when he spoke. "You are awake?"
She smiled and nodded. He smiled again and fumbled some signs. "Do you want to go see some pups?"
Eyebrows lifting, she shrugged and let him pull her from the bed. They dressed and he drove her, Shadow, and Ghost out to the sanctuary and they rumbled through, coming to a stop before one of the gates. He opened it and they started walking in the darkness. He was oblivious to the creepy crunching of their feet on dry leaves, the occasional hoot of an owl, and even fainter, howling from a wolf in the distance.
Ghost and Shadow moved with the darkness, flashing here and there in the trees, like their namesakes, and she held Jon's hand as he led her through the brush, until they came upon a huge oak tree with a marker on it. He crouched and picked up a flashlight, flicking it on and handing it to her. He crept a little closer and got down on his stomach, waiting a few moments. The brush rustled and she held her breath, a massive gray wolf appearing, focusing on him.
He stared at the wolf and after a moment, the wolf's tail wagged and he approached, licking Jon's hand and bowing his head in deference. Jon stood and went with the wolf and a few others from the pack who came out. He disappeared and a few moments later, he emerged holding a wiggling bundle. She stood and carefully approached. The wolves stared at her, obviously nervous at the interloper, but not moving because their alpha was trusting her.
Jon passed the bundle to her and she smiled, holding the warm creature, squeaking and wiggling in her arms. It was still so small, these majestic creatures large enough to take down grown men and jaws as strong as steel, and yet here in her arms was this helpless little creation, fine downy fur a thin layer over its short limbs, ears barely flipped over, and eyes still shut. She took a quick glance and noted the pup was female, wiggling into her, nuzzling and searching for her mother, crying out and eventually settling when she grew tired.
She stroked the little pup, eyes closed, and Jon took her back a few seconds later, returning her to her mother. A few minutes of checking on them, bringing out another-- this one a little brown and gray one with a curled tail and one eye half open-- to nuzzle against her, they said their goodbyes to the pack, who appeared relieved to see them go.
It was magical, she thought, walking back with Jon to the car.
She stopped in her tracks at one point, letting go of his hand.
He turned, frowning. "Okay?" he asked.
She took a deep breath, signing, the moonlight bright enough for him to see. "I told you earlier, but you...I didn't want you to hear me." He stiffened, knowing that meant she was talking to him. She hated doing it, but she wanted him to know. "We have to be strong Jon. We can't run away. I'm serious. If this keeps up...." She trailed off and sobbed, letting it linger. SHe didn't want to say it.
He tilted her face up to his, thumb brushing her chin. He nodded. "I know."
"I love you," she whispered.
He wrapped his arms tight around her, squeezing, and said nothing, but she knew. She exhaled, relieved. It was just a bump, she told herself, just their constant struggling. They had to work on it. It wasn't supposed to be easy.
They had the rest of their lives to look forward to, she thought, letting go of him so they could walk back to the car. She squeezed his hand tight. They were going to be parents. That would be the hardest thing, this was just a blip. Just a little shadow.
They would be fine. They were having a baby after all.
Just another month and they'd know.
Jon lifted her hand to his, kissing her knuckles, and she smiled, leaning against him and closed her eyes, walking back towards the car, feeling hopeful.
Whelp it is almost here. Enjoy a teaser for the epilogue and final chapter of my beloved silent shadows.
A few minutes later, he was squirting toothpaste onto his brush, when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He smiled at Rhae, who had come back in, holding up her toothbrush, bright pink with her pink sparkling toothpaste. His little girl was a surprise, a blessing, and quite possibly the greatest gift the universe had given him besides her sister and her mother. He felt no difference in the love between his daughters. Aly was their firstborn, Rhae the second, and while she shared their blood, she also shared the same amount of their hearts as her sister.
He brushed at his teeth, glancing again at his mini-me. When she’d been born, he had been positive Dany’s coloring would win out, but her cap of dark hair told him that that wouldn’t be happening. However, her eyes shifted almost immediately from a grayish blue to purple, the spitting image of her mother. Her face was all him. Dany joked that while Rhae had more of her personality, it was Aly that took after him there. “So stubborn,” she always teased.
He lightly touched his daughter’s curls, flying around her little face from her messy braids. Rhaena had been born happy and healthy; they were scared that even though Dany’s pregnancy had been natural and unexpected, the other shoe would drop. It wasn’t like they’d had an easy go of it at all, in anything in their relationship. Rhaena arrived, right on schedule, the exact day she was due. Aly had been ecstatic, not quite understanding this new person she had to share her parents with, but happy all the same.
A light pressure on his arm drew his attention back to his daughter. She was tapping her toothbrush against him. She gestured towards the sink, requesting assistance in getting up so she could spit out and get her cup of water to rinse. He paused, lifting her up under her arms so she could get to the faucet, giggling the entire time like it was a game. He grinned, finishing up and signed to her. “What's for breakfast?”
Rhae was nothing if not practical: "Pancakes!”
He hoisted her up, carting her out of his room and down the stairs, Ghost following quickly behind them. It was a process, each morning, getting everyone awake and ready to go for the day, no more different than any other parent, he suspected. It had been a learning experience for sure, when the girls were so little, Rhae crying and needing attention as a newborn, Aly requiring the attention she needed as a year old at the time, and the struggle of balancing their need for their mother—for nutrition mainly—while also ensuring they had him too.
It was hard sometimes, when people asked them point blank, mainly oblivious at the rudeness of their questions. "How can you parent if you can't hear?" one woman asked him, when they were in the airport going to visit Rhaegar. They refused the private plane because they wanted the girls to grow up as normal as possible. Private airfare was not normal.
Dany had answered for him, because he'd been so angry, his cheeks reddening and his lip downright snarling, even Ghost sensing the slight. "How does anyone parent? They just do it." When she walked away to take Rhae to the bathroom to change her diaper, he'd seen the woman tell her husband “well she's rude", and before he could answer, Aly had shouted "And so are you! I can hear too!"
He laughed, letting it out, ignoring the sudden looks from people at the strange sound they heard and high-fived his daughter, lifting her up and carrying her and their two dogs with their service vests away, leaving the woman horrified.
silent shadows | the epilogue: part 2- “the shadows”
I’m going to cry myself to sleep. It’s done. It’s here. The end of my beloved silent shadows. Enjoy. :)
They were proud of him, they were not ashamed, and he was a good dad. He was proud of them, his little girls, and the idea that he was willing to a live a life without them…he had no idea who that man was. That Jon Snow had disappeared, fading into nothing, into a wisp of a shadow.
He kissed Rhae’s head, pulled the covers over her shoulders. Dragon popped up at his arm, picking his way over to settle next to Rhae's shoulder, blinking golden eyes slowly. He made a face and signed, assuring the dragon he wasn't taking his place, and allowing him to watch over his charge. He stood, leaving her to sleep, and went down the hall and into his and Dany’s room. Ghost was already on the bed, eyes closed, and head on his paws, and there was a laundry basket beside him, folded towels and clothes scattered in little piles on the chairs by the fireplace. He pulled off his shirt, throwing it into the hamper, and began to prepare for bed, when he felt something soft hurtle against him, a little blur of purple out of the corner of his eye.
A roll of socks bounced off his bicep and onto the ground. He blinked at them and then up, finding Dany sitting on one of the chairs, her iPad propped up on a stand in front of her, Missandei laughing behind her hand and Dany slightly amused. He realized that she’d thrown the socks at him because he was stripping right in front of Missandei. He turned slightly pink and waved, signing. “Hi Missandei.”
“Hello Jon. Nice to see you.” She cocked her head, smirking and signed. “A lot of you.”
He flushed deeper red now, escaping away from the giggling Missandei and Dany, disappearing into the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed. He glanced over his shoulder, eyeing Dany, who was smirking at him. She was turned away from Missandei, who was saying something and out of eyeshot from the iPad camera, she lowered her shoulder, her oversized sweatshirt falling off and revealing a lacy red bra strap, wiggling her eyebrows.
The meaning clear, he signed quickly. “Finish with Missandei and lock the damn door.”
