#silken replies

[silkendeception]

((At the risk of being a contender for the response: 50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?))

{Obviously many of the conversations had during our time with OrgLIX, especially those infamous Skype nights. (Highlights include dueling Gollum impressions, deep-throating mics, and making people say “pubes” for fun and profit). As for our personal conversations, Vampire Cops is probably my favorite, followed by “The night of the worst pick-up lines possible” and “The AU that shall not be named.” ...and maybe that one time I tortured you with Luigi puns.

Bonus – there was one time in college I was at a party where everyone got drunk but me (I had to drive and such) so I got to remember everything afterward such as one guy talking about his homoerotic fantasies of Johnny Depp and two current events majors debating middle eastern politics while surrounded by empty Corona bottles.}

[silkendeception]

so I was listening to the halloween station on pandora today, and they played a classical song by bach that felt like lazard to me. 'toccata and fugue for organ in d minor.' I had to tell you because you're such a perfect lazard and maybe it'd make nice mood music!

{Thank you anon! I am well acquainted with Bach’s “Toccata and Fugue” (link to Youtube for anyone who doesn’t recognize it by name but trust me, you will have heard it before) and I appreciate the suggestion and the compliment. I see Lazard as learning about classical music because it is expected of him – his own personal musical tastes do naturally include a lot of instrumental music and he has an appreciation for songbook classics and show tunes from his mother. As far as particular instruments, I tend to associate him with strings, the cello in particular.

But when it comes to writing, the songs I picked for the blog playlist are a good reflection of my musical preferences. Here are two though that I considered but did not include – Shary-An’s Mr. Know It All and Tonight We Fly as preformed by the Art of Time Ensemble with Stephen Page.}

[silkendeception]

((Excessively Detailed Headcanon: 2. Do they have any daily rituals? ; 8. Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging))

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2. Do they have any daily rituals?

He feels out the cracks that formed overnight, fragile, faded skin already threatening to flake off. With practiced motions, he smooths the ointments into his breaking flesh to soothe away the itch. No matter how careful though, there is always some skin that peels away, revealing over-sensitive epidermal layers and weeping blisters. These areas require more potent treatments and sometimes it is all Lazard can do to wrap them in fine gauze and let the fabric soak up the fluids until it too is crusted and cracking.

8. Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging.

It's worth it, he justifies to himself, the first time he takes more than his share. He works hard, gives so much of himself until he feels his nerves start to fray from the constant exertion of if all, that surely he deserves a little something extra. And slowly, he learns that it is okay to take more when he so desires it but Lazard is always so careful as to make sure no one notices when he does so.

[silkendeception]

36, 48, plz.

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36. What makes them feel guilty?

It settles low in the pit of his stomach the first time he looks in the mirror and sees dead man's face staring back him and a distinctly different voice swirling in his head. Only then does he realize how many lives he had a hand in ruining. Like a hastily swallowed piranha, it eats away at him until a vital part of him ceases to be and he has to cut all the toxins out of his life.

48. How do they express love?

Lazard is an analyst by nature, carefully studying people to his own ends. But when it comes to love, his analysis instead recenters on the needs of the person in question. He makes mental notes on their preferences to cater to them, their ambitions to assist them, their fears to allay them, and their needs to fulfill them. It is a love that can raise armies and raze empires, should he feel such measures are required.But this level of dedication does not come easily – only if he is certain that his feelings are returned in kind would he offer such devotion. The one who can win it though would be so singular as to inspire him to be a better man...

[silkendeception]

// i'd just throw the entire list at you, but that-- would be really cruel. SO INSTEAD: 2, 3, 17, 18, 25, annnd 33 . i had to make you write that one out. i'm sorry LMAO.

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2. Do they have any daily rituals?

Blessedly hot water slides over his skin, just short of scalding. No worries of the heat suddenly cutting off, just his nightly shower washing away the wariness of the day. Once clean and dry, Lazard slips into his pajamas – preferably taken fresh from the dryer – and sets aside a glass of water as he settles in with some reading. Depending on tomorrow, it may be a report or simply a good book. Whatever helps him unwind before finally giving in to the need for sleep.

3. Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

He doesn’t need to walk everywhere anymore – train tickets are cheap for a Shinra executive. But he finds a certain solace in commandeering a treadmill on the Floor 64 gym every other day for as long as he desires. Never so long as to upset his schedule, but long enough to clear his head.

17. Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress.

Impostor syndrome finally falls years after dressing formally for his job, when the suits fill his closet and he effortlessly ties cravats. Now, anything less than a sports coat and turtleneck feels underdressed. While he has preferred pieces – his tailored pinstripe jacket his absolute favorite – the majority of his wardrobe is a mix of classic, easy to pair items and ones that exemplify his personal aesthetic.

18. Favorite beverage?

Contrary to popular belief, the mug on Lazard’s desk holds water rather than coffee, save for the very beginning of the day when caffeniation is imperative. However, if invited to an after hours soiree, he will happily partake in wine and cocktails – never to excess, just enough for that pleasant warm feeling.  

25. How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

Certainly not still with Shinra. Mainly because if Lazard had his way, there simply wouldn’t even be a Shinra. Not in a way that anyone would recognize, anyway.  

33. Concept of home and family?

Soft lullabies murmured when all the lights in the slums fade to black. The slow cooker on the corner counter filling the kitchen with warm aromas. A quickly scrawled “I ♥ U” on yellow paper tucked away in his worn, thrift store jacket. Her voice and smile cracking as the lies of being okay pour from her lips. Hand sanitizer rubbed firmly into his skin before he enters the hospital room. A bronze plaque engraved with far too short a span between two dates set into concrete.

The anger sinking in deep, burrowing down under his skin as the realization of how she could’ve been saved if only he cared about either of them dawns on him….

[silkendeception]

What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

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Sometimes it just sneaks up on him – he’ll be doing some mindless chore and start quietly humming to himself. That’s not so bad. But occasionally, before he catches himself, the lyrics leave his lips unbidden. Old songbook classics and showtunes he hasn’t heard in years and yet he knows every word…

     “All the odds are in my favor.      Something’s bound to begin.      It’s got to happen, happen sometime…      Maybe this time, I’ll win…”

His singing voice -  lighter and higher than when he speaks – fades just as quickly as it began. It’s not the lack of refinement that makes him stop, but the sudden pit forming in his stomach. He simply cannot sing without dredging up the memories of his mother, of all the songs she loved, and how they were slowly stolen away by her illness…

[silkendeception]

22. Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

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The meeting dragged on endlessly, the President huffing his way through an impromptu speech like an decrepit train. He’d long since tuned him out, only keeping his ears open for anything of substance amid the swirls of platitudes and buzzwords. His only distraction – a single sheet of paper and a mechanical pencil. In long scrawls of cursive, Lazard sketched out a schedule for the rest of the day, feeling far too disconnected with his computer floors below and a strict “no phones” policy in place. Just little reminders for the day ahead once released from his interminable board room suffering.

[silkendeception]

((So exactly what DID happen to Lazard's mother? /balancing evil))

Give me Input on my Character

{The short answer to this question is that, in my HC version of things, Talia Delacroix was an aspiring singer/actress who had a short affair with President Shinra which ended with her pregnancy and his abandonment of her and her son. She struggled to find steady work, giving up her aspirations to instead care for her son, and the constant grind eventually left her jaded but she did love Lazard very much. She died of a lung disease, though I’ve yet to settle on her exact cause of death, when Lazard was 15.

The longer answer is that I’d like to think of Talia as a good metaphor for the people of Midgar – particularly in the slums – as a whole. It’s the mid 1970’s and in comes this major corporation promising progress and prosperity with the new city it plans to build over an existing hub of townships. And similarly, we’d have this young, bright-eyed blonde with notions of stardom and white knights who is only too happy to court the handsome business poised to change the world. And… all of her hopes just get dashed by the cruel reality that she didn’t really mean anything to him. She was only a tryst and nothing more.

And that “and nothing more” would really eat away at Talia. That even if she did have some level of talent, it wasn’t enough to raise her above her station in life. She possessed an artistic soul but that means nothing when caught in the crushing gears of capitalism where your worth is defined by your ability to generate profit. So instead, she came to the conclusion that “Unattainable dreams are the best kind” since those dreams can’t be tarnished in the struggle to make them real. They simply remain beautiful, intangible dreams. Still, she hoped that Lazard just might prove exceptional enough to find his way out of the slums.

He does, but his success comes at its own price….}