#silliamchronicles

[the-sill-of-all-sills]

Until the setting of the Sun

I wrote this short fic for the Xisang Week promt "In the next life". Hope you enjoy!

-.-.-.-.-

“In my next life,” Xichen says, “I will be a farmer.”

Huaisang takes his eyes from the setting sun, “Whatever that for?” he asks but doesn’t mean it. Not really.

“Easier work.”

No politics. No sunshot campaign. No Qi Deviation and no sworn brotherhood to betray you. Only the fields that needed tending, and the question of if you would make it through the winter.

“Xichen,” Huaisang says, “If I said I’m sorry, would that change anything?”

“Hhm,” Nie Huaisang says, “I suppose.” He looks back at the sky again. And then, picking up a forgotten strand of conversation, “They’re going to start wondering where we are.”

“They won’t come looking anytime soon.”

“I suppose.” He says again. There’s something dead in his eyes as he does. It won’t take much longer, Xichen thinks, until the sun is set and the sky is dark.

The sun will set. It always does. It feels final this time. Xichen dares, moves his hand, grasps Huaisang fingers light enough it could be imagination. But it isn’t. Huaisang winces and pulls away. Their eyes meet, and Xichen sees his empty face reflected.

“If I said I’m sorry, would that change anything for you?”

Huaisang looks back at the sunset. “I suppose it wouldn’t.”

“Just a little longer.” He places his other hand on Xichen’s cheek. A caress. It would be. But the pleading of his voice is real, it almost brings his face back to life. Almost restores the image of a young boy who would laugh at any joke Xichen made, no matter how bad. “Let us pretend Er-ge. Until the sun sets.”

“Then we should stop pretending it would. We should go.”

“No.” He makes it sound like a plead. He caught Xichen’s wrist. And now, he changes the placement. He holds Xichen’s hand. Firm enough to pretend.

Pretend. To pretend that what could have been, was. Or still was. Maybe, Xichen thinks, in the early days, they had been happy. He could ask Huaisang when it stopped. When he knew. When he decided what was necessary. Maybe Huaisang would even say the truth.

But Xichen doesn’t ask. It wouldn’t change anything. “Alright.” He says instead and looks towards the sun. “Until the sun sets.”

It is almost real, the way they hold each other. It almost doesn’t hurt.

“In my next life,” Huaisang says once the sun is truly gone, “I'll make you happy.”

[the-sill-of-all-sills]

Xisangweek Day 4: Emotional fishing trip

About 3k. Some attempts at humor and a bit of Angst bc why not.

It must have been after the sunshot campaign, Lan Wangji thought, that his brother began to wear the jade bracelet. Not for long and never in public. It was hidden under his sleeves most of the time, but Wangji had seen it on a few occasions. Whenever Uncle was near he seemed especially nervous that he would see. Perhaps that was also the reason why he stopped wearing it at some point. Lan Wangji didn’t think much of it at the time. Maybe he would have called Xichen out on the expensive ornament before but at that point Wangji was dealing with enough of his own. His wounds had healed. A-Yuan was growing up. Wei Ying was dead.

But now that bracelet was lying on a shelf in Xichen's room. A pile of unread letters lying under it. In the otherwise plain interior, the vibrant green was impossible to miss. Wangji knew Xichen put it there on purpose, as he did all things. He just wasn’t sure why.

“It was a gift,” Xichen spoke and took Wangji out of his thoughts.

“Hhm?”

“The bracelet,” Xichen said with a pleasant smile as he took a sip of his tea, “It was a gift from a friend.”

“Oh,” Wangji said, “And the letters?”

Xichen set the tea cup down with a loud clank, his smile falling slightly, “Also from them.”

“Does Xiongzhang not write to them anymore?” he then asked, because it wasn’t like his brother to leave his mail unattended.

“I fear I don’t have anything interesting to write to them.”

Wangji felt the barrier rise higher than it was already. For all the people complained about his lack of expressions, it was Xichen who was truly impossible to read.  Because Xichen’s smile was still as welcoming as it had always been, his eyes crinkled in the right places and his words were still as polite as one would expect from the Sect Leader of Gusu Lan. It was an act that would fool most people.

But he had been in seclusion for over two years now. And Wangji knew his brother. He could see the exhaustion in every action that he performed. Even now, when he was just drinking tea with Wangji.

He looked so tired.

And Wangji didn’t know how much longer he could bear to see him like this.

“I wanted to ask Xiongzhang for a favor,” he said then.

Xichen raised a brow, a practiced act to show interest, “Oh? And what would that be?”

“Go fishing with me.”

That seemed to startle Xichen enough that he forgot to smile. He blinked, “Fishing?”

“Yes.”

“You want to go fishing with me?”

“Mhn.”

“But-” his brows creased in genuine confusion, “We’re vegetarians.”

“Catch and release,” Wangji said and closed his mouth before the ‘Wei Ying told me about it’ left him as well, though he had the bad feeling that Xichen heard it nonetheless.

Xichen tapped his fingers on the table. Once. Twice. Until he spoke again, “That sounds very nice Wangji but I don’t think I would be suitable company. Would you not rather bring Wei Ying?”

“I want it to be Xiongzhang.”

Xichen looked away as if to think about the request. But Wangji knew he was only looking for a polite way to say no. 

Two years.

If there was any way to get him out, even if it was just for a few hours, he would take it. He owed him that much.

“Please gege,”

Xichen opened his mouth and closed it again. He was truly lost for words.

As a child, Wangji quickly learned that his brother liked to be called that.  

He could count on one hand how often he had used the term. Four times. All when he was still below the age of twelve. Each one to ask for something he wouldn’t usually be allowed.

It was an obvious tactic.

It also never failed.

“Well,” Xichen said, “If it is really that important to you, I suppose I have no other choice.”

The corners of Wangji’s lips lifted before he could stop it. Xichen chose to ignore that.

-

Wangji found his Uncle when he left the library.

"The answer is no," was the first thing Qiren said when he saw his nephew.

"I have not asked anything."

"I know that look on your face, Wangji. You are going to request something from me that I don't approve of."

Wangji looked at his Uncle dumbfounded. He wasn't aware that his face apparently gave that much away. 

Lan Qiren walked down the hallway, almost like he was fleeing. Wangji quickly chased after him.

"Will Shufu at least hear me out?"

His Uncle took a long, exasperated sigh but didn't say anything, which Wangji decided to take as a yes.

"Xiongzhang and I will go on a fishing trip tomorrow. I want Shufu to come with us."

That did make Qiren stop in his tracks and look at his nephew like he had lost his mind.

"You want to go fishing with Xichen."

"Catch and release," Wangji quickly added, which seemed to only aggravate Qiren more. Which, in highsight he should have thought of.

"Fishing of any kind is strictly forbidden, Wangji. End of the discussion."

"But does Shufu not think it is an unfair rule? Seeing as it was made because of him."

Now, Lan Qiren was certainly aggravated. He walked to the nearest empty room, opened the door and glared at Wangji like he hadn't done since he was a child. 

He followed his Uncle inside.

"Now," Qiren said, once they were alone, "just how do you know about that?"

"Father told me."

There was a tick in his jaw, "Did he now. And what exactly did he tell you?"

His father had actually shared many stories of his youth. They were the only things he would talk about on the few occasions that Wangji met him. 

He had told him that Lan Qiren used to be the troublemaker of the family. That he would often sneak out during the night and do who knows what. That it was usually him who would get disciplined for unruly behavior.

Both Wangji and Xichen had found this very hard to believe but they never brought it up with Qiren. It was way too insulting and Wangji did not feel like unpacking all of that now either.

“He said you used to compete in fishing tournaments,” ‘And left your grades slack because of it’ he didn't say, “Your experience will be very helpful for the trip.”

His Uncle still did not look convinced. Which Wangji thought was very unreasonable of him, “If Shufu won’t come with me I will have to ask Wei Ying instead. And I might tell him the same things father did.”

“Are you blackmailing me?!”

“Mhn.”

After all, Lan Qiren’s will to uphold the rules might be strong, but the need to avoid Wei Ying knowing any of his dirty secrets was stronger.

“Fine, but only because it is a shame that my fishing gear only acquires dust now,” he sighed again, both hands rubbing his temples.

“Thank you, Shufu.” Wangji wanted to leave (before Uncle could change his mind) but Qiren wouldn’t let him go so easily.

“One last thing, nephew,” A strange look on his face, “Why do you think this necessary?”

Because there was dust gathering in the Hanshi as well. It made the air uncomfortable to breathe in. It was stuffy. It was oppressive.

“I fear he will become like father otherwise,” was all that Wangji said, but it was enough. There was a sad look on his uncle's face, a million things seemingly going through his mind. And then, uncharastically, a bitter laugh, “He’s a better man than you’ll father ever be.”

-

There was another story. One that Wangji’s father never told but which was obvious nonetheless. That for as unruly Lan Qiren might have been as a teenager, he stopped the moment Lan Xichen was born. When he was suddenly responsible for a child that was not his.

-

In the end they chose a lake and a small wooden boat. The Twin Jades sat on one side, while Lan Qiren was across from them. They had thrown out the bait and now only had to wait for a fish to bite. Until then there was not much else to do. Wangji felt like they should be having some sort of conversation. Wei Ying had made it sound like a fishing trip was first and foremost a bonding experience, but so far there was nothing to bond over in the silence.

Lan Qiren seemed to have found his passion for fishing again and was staring at the water, ready to strike the moment there was even a ripple on the surface.

Lan Xichen, who could normally lead any conversation with ease, did not say a word. His gaze was far away, fishing rod only loseley in his hand.

Lan Wangji was the one who would have to speak up first. “Has Xiongzhang been fishing before?” he asked despite how useless the question was. 

“Only once.” 

That was not the answer Wangji had expected. He blinked.

This seemed to even take Qiren out of his trance, as he looked up to his nephew in surprise. “You have?”

“...Yes,” he said hesitantly, “A friend used to go with their brother all the time. They took me with them once, though I didn’t do any fishing on my own.”

“How was it?” Wangji asked because that was the best thing he could think of. They were at least talking now.

“It was… nice I suppose,” he said, slowly. Then a small smile appeared on his lips, as if remembering something, “They fought the whole time. They could never agree on the right spot, or what bait to use. And when it came to preparing the fish for eating you would think they were trying to kill each other.”

That sounded the opposite of nice but the fondness of which Xichen spoke seemed to suggest the opposite. This was bonding, wasn’t it? At least Xichen looked happier than he had in ages. 

“Will Xiongzhang join them again someday?”

The smile fell instantly. A cold breeze was in the air, taking the warmth from Xichen’s voice, “No, I don’t think so.”

Lan Wangji had never been good with words. Until now, he had not minded that. The tension was worse than before. He sent a pleading look to his Uncle.

Lan Qiren in return was frowning and seemed to have completely forgotten about the fishing.

“If I may also ask a question: How much longer do you plan to stay in seclusion?”

Wangji blinked again. He did not understand the meaning of such an abrupt question.

Xichen didn’t look at his uncle, “This is not something that can be so easily defined.”

“Stop beating around the bush Xichen. You don’t plan on ever showing your face in public again do you?”

Wangji did not like where this was going.

“As I said-”

“No,” Qiren interrupted him harshly, “You are not doing this. I won’t allow it.”

"Oh I didn't know this was Shufu's decision to make," Xichen snapped back. He sneered. Wangji never thought he was capable of that much anger.

"Xiongzhang, Shufu only meant-"

"I know what he meant! And I'm tired of it. I'm tired that everyone thinks they know what's best for me. I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions."

"Perhaps, but your decision is wrong." 

"Shufu-"

Xichen huffed, "How like you it is to say such a thing. Nothing ever pleases you. Especially with me."

Lan Qiren did not take the bait, "You may not like it Xichen, but what happened, cannot be undone. You will not change that by running away. All you will achieve is trapping yourself in the past."

"I am not running away."

"Is that so? Then why have you never answered a single letter of that friend of yours?"

Lan Wangji had meant to say something, but Qiren's words rendered him speechless. The boat gently rocked back and forth. The water quietly hit against the wood as the only sound between them.

"You were surveilling my mail?" Xichen whispered coldly.

If Qiren was ashamed, he did not show it. "You have been receiving letters without any sender address for months now. Someone simply informed me of that. They were worried. As they should be. I only asked to be told if you ever wrote back."

"You were surveilling my mail."

"I did not read a single word."

"You were surveilling my mail," Xichen enunciated every word slowly.

"Enough," Wangji's voice was firm.

Both men looked at him startled, like they only now remembered that he was there. "Neither of you is calm enough to have this discussion. It is unwise to continue it at this time."

Xichen was the first to speak, "Wangji is right. This was a bad idea. We should head back now."

That was not what Wangji meant, but neither seemed to care. The boat was already moving to the shore.

"Wait," he said suddenly, looking at the tight string of his fishing rod, "Something bit."

They all looked to where the string led in the water.

"You're right," Qiren said, "Quick! Reel it in!"

Xichen frowned, "Let it go, Wangji. We won't be eating it anyway. This will only delay us.”

“Don’t let it go!” 

“Let it go!”

Qiren and Xichen both glared at each other. Xichen tried to make a grap for the fishing rod, but it seemed Qiren had the same idea. The boat shook violently.

Wangji was about to say something, surely this fish wasn’t so important that it would lead to a physical fight. But any words he could have said were drowned in ice cold water, as he fell into the lake.

As his body was immersed in the water, robes now heavy and dragging him down, Wangji asked himself what he had done to deserve this.

Once he reached the surface again, he was greeted by his brother's worried yells, “Wangji do you see Shufu anywhere?!”

Wangji blinked a few times before he could see properly. He was not sure how, but Lan Xichen was still grabbing onto the railing of the small boat, not a hair out of place and completely dry.

Lan Wangji thought this was very unfair.

“I’m over here!” Lan Qiren suddenly yelled much further away. Both brothers looked at him. Their Uncle was in an even worse state. Various plants were sticking in his hair.

He was also holding on to a fish like his life was depending on it.

"I caught it!" He yelled, "I still have it in me, after all!"

Wangji stared at him. The sight was so bizarre he wouldn't believe it if he wasn't seeing it himself.

The fish was about as long as his shoulders were wide. It flapped wildly, trying to slip out of its captor's grasp. Now that his nephews had seen his achievement, Lan Qiren decided he had no use for it anymore and released it.

"That-..." Xichen made a strange sound, when Wangji turned his head he saw his brother pressing a hand to his mouth. But that only helped so long before he burst out laughing. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you just-" his own laughter interrupted him, "you two just look so ridiculous,"

He continued to laugh for quite some time. Loud and barking. It was the opposite from elegant. 

Wangji found he didn't mind the sound.

What he did mind was the freezing water he was still in.

He swam to his brother, who by that time had finally calmed down enough to notice.

"Oh Wangji, I'm sorry. Here, let me help you."

He held out his hand. His face was perfectly calm, but his eyes still held a certain glint. Like he was still laughing at his little brother.

Wangji took his hand, "Much thanks to Xiongzhang," he said and then pulled Xichen into the water.

-

"So,..." Wei Ying said at the gate of the Cloud Recesses, looking at the three soaking wet Lans, "I take it the fishing trip went well?

"Mhn."

His husband laughed at the smug tone.

-

It was the next day when Wangji visited his brother again. 

"Has Xiongzhang been busy?" He asked and looked at the desk. A pile of letters on one side and a half written letter on the other.

Xichen quickly tried to hide the paper away, but Wangji still recognized his handwriting.

He was pretty sure his brother was blushing now.

"I was just writing to a friend. I thought it would be nice to tell them about yesterday.

"Mhn."

Xichen seemed to want to move on from that topic as quickly as possible, "I have spoken with Shufu, this morning," he said as he sat down.

"You have?"

Xichen smiled, "We continued our discussion in a calmer state of mind as you would put it." He chuckled again, "Perhaps we still don't see eye to eye on everything, but at least this time there were no unforseen accidents."

His gaze fell back on the letters again, "And… he was right. I have to confront my past if I ever wish to move forward again."

They talked for some time after that. There was still a certain exhaustion in Xichen's eyes, but he seemed better. 

And Wangji had the small hope that these better days would be appear more from now on.

-

About a month passed after the incident when Wangji and his husband decided to investigate a strange murder in a nearby village. 

They barely stepped outside when Wangji stopped in his tracks, causing Wei Ying to almost crash into him, "Lan Zhan?"

"I heard something," he said and nodded over to some trees. His hand flew to the hilt of Bichen.

"Ah this is all a misunderstanding, Hanguan-Jun!" A panicked voice suddenly yelled and a man emerged from one of the trees. One Wangji knew too well.

"Nie-zhongzhu," he said at some same time as Wei Ying said, "Huaisang?!"

"Ah I was hoping not too many people would see me. I'm not here on official business."

That much was clear from his appearance. Nie Huaisang wore plain, civilian clothing. On one shoulder he carried a bag and on the other a pole with two cormorant birds sitting at the end.

"What you got there," Wei Ying asked, pointing at the birds.

Huaisang grinned, "Beautiful aren't they? The bigger one is Lord Xiao the Great, Conqueror of the sea. The other is Pumpkin."

"What is Nie-zhongzhu doing here?" Wangji asked.

"Ah such formalities really aren't necessary," he looked a bit embarrassed, "I'm only here to go fishing."

"Fishing," Wei Ying said with a skeptical raise of his brows.

"Uhm yeah, that's what Lord Xiao and Pumpkin are here for. It's a neat little trick actually. They catch the fish for you! You just gotta tie a knot under the throat so they don't swallow the fish haha, especially Pumpkin here. She'd eat herself fat if I didn't stop her, wouldn't you pumpkin?"  He made some strange cooing noise towards the bird, Pumpkin, who gave no reaction.

"I know how fishing works," Wei Ying said and sounded insulted by the assumption that Huaisang thought he didn't, "What I want to know is why you are doing it here."

"Well," Huaisang shifted his weighted (which made the birds ruffle their feathers in displeasure), "I was- uhm… I was invited?"

That only gave Wangji more questions. Wei Ying seemed to think the same, "Who would invite you to fish?"

"Huaisang!" 

Everyone turned to the new sound. Lan Xichen walked towards them, a bright smile on his face. He walked past Wangji without a glance und only stopped when he was before Huaisang, "You're early. Here let me help you,"

He took the bag off Huaisang, the sleeve moving past his wrist as he did so. And it was then that Wangji saw the Jade bracelet again. He had not worn that thing in years, what would cause him to change that?

Wait…

"Lan Zhan," Wei Ying whispered and leaned over to him, "Do you get what's going on here?"

He did. 

"Mhn. Will explain on the way." He started to walk again, giving his husband no choice but to follow.

Wangji figured his brother would like to have some privacy for his date.

[the-sill-of-all-sills]

WIP Word Search

The idea of the game is to be given three words that we have to try and find in our WIPs - doesn't have to be the same fic (but when you find them all in one, it feels like getting Bingo lol). 

Words are: knee, smile, nervous.

Thanks for @fortune-maiden for tagging me xD

I'm gonna be honest though, I only actually have one wip at the moment. No ideas where other would be.

Knee: I can confidently say that I ever never used this in writing ever. And nervous also doesnt show up.

Smile: okay now this one I use all the time lol. Here's a scene.

"Oh Please, Qinghe Nie has been self-sufficient ever since I took over. I’m little more than a figure head. I wouldn’t be missed. Except maybe by you.” Xichen snapped his head back to Huaisang. He giggled again, “Would you Xichen? Would you miss me if I died?”

Huaisang sat there, graceful as he always was. The sun broke out again above them and softened his features. His jewelry caught in the light. His smile seemed warmer like this and Xichen had the sudden desire to count all the freckles on the others face. Huaisang had always been beautiful. But now, he was almost too bright to look at.