“Let me speak to them. I can do this. I can sort this out.“
Doctor Who — Empress of Mars {Sentence Starters}
A sharpsigh broke through his lips, but Curufinwë kept his eyes on his son, as ifsurveying him - a thorough and yet biased evaluation. Tyelperinquar could do this, Curufinwëhad no doubt. He had himself trained the young Ñoldo, a long intricate training which was precisely supposed to prepare such a moment. Up to that point, Tyelperinquar had mostly been an observer, and when involved, it was through indirect interventions. However, his education could only end like this, with a practical test. So why didCurufinwë feel so reluctant?
He gazed atthe king, his cousin, who was standing beside his throne, surrounded by his councillorsand whispering something to Artaresto. The latter had been staring at the Fëanorionfor a little moment, and Curufinwë had to keep himself from wincing angrily. His ownseat as the council table was secured, but to make his own voice – and his people’sinterests – heard during the meetings remained a tiresome challenge. And if Tyelperinquarwas prepared to do it, it was still a hazardous approach, if only for the sakeof the young Ñoldo’s serenity! Would it be wise for a father to let his sonhave his peace of mind troubled by the strains of politics when he could keep him from such dreadful concerns?
“You can doit indeed.” He eventually said with a quick nod. “You are my son after all,and nobody - least of all your own father- would question your worth. Nonetheless, it does not mean that you should doit.”
His eyes foundtheir way back to Tyelperinquar’s face, and he finally understood. The reasonbehind his reluctance, the painful reality behind the phony justifications, theroot of his newly-born anxiety: Tyelperinquar barely needed him anymore, andCurufinwë had no more to teach. It was a fact which he didn’t want tosee, but which was almost tangible now, as if painted on his son’s face. Curufinwë began to acknowledge that if he lethis son speak during the council and bear the voice of their people (theirpeople! Not his only!), it would imply Tyelperinquar’s complete emancipation,and put an end to his own role as a teacher. By accepting it, Curufinwë wouldalso accept to withdraw from his son’s life, to let him go, and to becomenothing more than an old, remote instructor who has nothing left to teach.
Oh, thefeeling wasn’t entirely new. Curufinwë had known for a few years now that Tyelperinquarno longer needed him, but he had never been able to accept it, not even to admit it. During the pastfew years, he had kept on pretending that his son was not ready. But it was alie, a screen behind which he had kept a shameful truth; it was he, Curufinwë,who was not ready. Who would never be ready.
With his lips pinched and dry, he found himself unable to hold Tyelperinquar’s determined gaze. The optionsstood in front of him and none of them seemed capable of alleviating his shame.He could accede to his son’s request and let him fly the nest, or he could lie,and keep him under his wing a bit longer – yet with the acute and painful acknowledgementthat it could not last forever, and that he was a despicable perjurer.
“Return to thesmithies, child.” The words finally broke the silence which had fallen betweenthem, and the lie which they carried threatened to break the mask on Curufinwë face- A face which he struggled to keep impassive. “Consider yourself lucky to haveno part in this political mess in which my reputation and power are at stake. I willneither delegate my duties nor discard my responsibilities.”
So manydeceitful justifications and such a heavy disgraceful pretense. Curufinwë himself was notconvinced by the lies which were dripping from his lips. The hunch he felt inhis chest was accompanied by a strong nausea, a disgust toward himself, but hemanaged to keep his affliction hidden, the seizure restrained, kept in the ironbonds of his humiliated will. “I shall not let you get involved. There are too many risks.”