Would you please consider doing Day 7 Sphinx for Kustard week + "Fuck. I'm so attracted to you right now." because now I'm picturing these two exchanging riddles but all the answers are puns XD You can go however you want with it though, I'm sure you could do something amazing with the prompt!
I am very happy to oblige this little bonus request UwU
Hope you like @mystery-fic-anon >:3c
DAY 7 - Sphinx + "Fuck. I'm so attracted to you right now."
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Sans sweated as he climbed the stairs that were way too tall for him.
He understood that the builders of these old ruins didn’t have the need of making this place friendly for his pretty smallish size but still, this was his definition of hell. He internally cursed the day he promised to be the one to check out these recently discovered ruins as part of the monster race ambassador squad. Strange things started happening all over the world, with unknown barriers that broke in multiple places at once, some full of unknown and new monsters, while others stayed still, like nothing existed there.
It was one of those places that stayed quiet that Sans took upon himself to explore. His shortcuts were perfect to get himself out of tricky and dangerous situations so he was the perfect monster for this job. Too bad he couldn’t use them to go straight to the entrance of each barrier opening since he had to visit the place at least once.
So now here he was, climbing some huge pain in his coccyx stairs and sweating buckets.
Hopefully the inside of the barrier would be less… stair filled.
As he ascended the last few stairs, his soul beat a mile a minute from the strain. He really needed a break, but the glaring heat of the afternoon sun made it unbearable to sit there for any length of time. So instead he decided to go into the entrance the barrier had freed and take a break in the inviting looking shade.
Unfortunately for him, the moment he stepped a few feet into the darkness something jumped him and knocked him back.
His skull hit the ground and the world spun in front of him.
He groaned and squinted his eyelights, trying to figure out if he could catch the plate number of the truck that hit him. Instead, what he saw made him think he actually fainted and was dreaming.
Looming over him was a monster, one that marginally resembled some old statues that he saw in an old civilization documentary.
The monster had four legs, though its front ones looked prehensile like they could function as hands. The bones vaguely reminded him of a big cat’s bones, a tiger or a lion, maybe? But the face that stared down at him was really similar to his own… except for its crimson eyelights and the very sharp looking teeth, one of which glinted a menacing gold.
A sphinx.
That’s what the monster reminded Sans of. An old mythical monster from old Egypt he heard about. But the ones he knew off were supposed to be fleshy, not look like a pile of hot bones like the one glaring down at him.
Sans tried to move to get the big monster off of him, but the sphinx only growled and pressed down a little more with its very very sharp claws.
With a gulp, Sans decided to try and talk his way out of this.
“uh, hey buddy?” Could this sphinx understand him? Would it bother replying or would it just eat him then and there.
He tried to remember any legends about sphinxes he knew, but his brain wasn’t cooperating. The climb, the heat, the hit to the back of his skull and the large monster pinning him down weren’t making it easy to think. Was it something about…… riddles?
“wha’ runs but n’ver walks, ‘as a bed but n’ver sleeps, an’ ‘as a mouth but n’ver speaks?” The deep guttural masculine voice of the monster above him made Sans flinch in surprise.
“uhhhh?” He just blinked up at the creature completely baffled.
Moments passed in silence when the sphinx snarled at him, teeth parting menacingly. “ya bett’r answ’r if ya don’ wanna be my lunch.”
“wait, what-?” Sans tried to stall for time while his non-existent brain caught up with the situation, only to be cut off with an even fiercer growl and drool dripping from the large parted teeth.
“okay, okay.” His brain ran a mile a minute trying to remember what the sphinx said. “runs but doesn’t walk, bed doesn’t sleep and… uhhh… mouth no speaking. right?”
With every word he let out the sphinx’s teeth came closer and closer, his growl making Sans’ ribs vibrate from its strength.
“a river!” He blurted out, the descent of the teeth and the growl pausing. “it’s quite the stream of consciousness:”
The sphinx's head shot back, sockets wide and teeth parted in an almost comical look of surprise. It would have been comical if it weren’t for the very shiny sharp teeth Sans couldn’t seem to stop staring at.
With a tilt of his head that would look cute on a less dangerous monster, the sphinx almost sing-songed the next riddle.
“wha’ com’s once in a min’te, twice in a mom’nt, but n’ver in a thous’nd years?”
Sans took a breath, thankful beyond belief for Papyrus’ short hyperfixation on riddles. This one was one of those he knew well.
“the letter m.” Sans spoke confidently as the sphinx continued to look at him expectantly. “... what? it’s a pretty timeless joke.”
Sans wasn’t sure if he saw right, but the sphinx’s crimson eyelights seemed to sparkle.
“da more ya play wit’ me, the ‘arder i get. wha’ am Ii?” Sans wasn’t sure but it almost looked like the sphinx was smirking at him.
“... a puzzle—always keeping your brain stimulated.” Just as the last word left his mouth, the sphinx sprang forward and Sans tensed. He was sure it would bite his neckbone in half.
Seconds passed and no pain shot through him. He gathered his guts and cracked a socket open, only to see the sphinx nuzzling his head into his sternum and under his chin. He stared in bafflement, what was-
“fuck. ‘m so attract’d to ya right now.”
Welp, seems Sans was in deeper trouble then he could have dreams off.
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Did Sans just pun his way into Red's heart? Why yes, yes he did UwU
Or more specifically, Sans literally punned his way into some very hot trouble. Hopefully his skilled tongue can get him out of it before Red decides Sans is his now XD
Hope you enjoyed :D