So, this has been a few years in the making and ordinarily I'd let it lie, but I can't waste any more energy carrying this around.
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Now, some of you probably don't remember me, and likely if you do, it's not in a positive way. I used to be sin-somnia, or Chris, if you knew me personally, back in 2018. As for why this apology is coming so late, I suppose you could say it took me some time to find the words, and the support I needed to come to terms with everything.
Unfortunately at the time I was only 2 years after recovering from a nervous breakdown that almost resulted in an arrest and multiple suicide attempts, along with what I now realise was undiagnosed autism and ADHD.
In no way am I saying this is an excuse or inherent apology for what I did to people I cared about in the Insomniac community, but I am sorry for the way I behaved, things I said, in my most desperate time. I simply list these things to maybe clarify my subconscious motivations at the time, and to demonstrate that I was in no way of sound mind.
I'm not ashamed to admit that the way I behaved was truly pathetic, and I ask no forgiveness, I didn't deserve it then and I have done nothing to earn it now.
That being said there are some incidents I will not apologise for, such as several incidents of transphobic language in my discord, which as someone under the trans umbrella, was a slap in the face from people I truly considered to be my friends.
All in all, there were good and bad sides to my time in the community, but unfortunately the bad has left me with trauma that I previously thought irreparable, to the point that I physically vomit when even a few seconds of a Dreamcatcher song plays, and I truly regret ever making someone else feel even a fraction of the pain I was in at the time, so this is my way of letting go of it all, even if it has to take the good with it.
If you've made it this far, and you were one of those who knew me, it feels odd to thank you, even if I don't know why, but, thank you.