#sinatra posting

[ricochetscissors]

well, i understand your argument, but to be frank, in other words, hold my hand, in other words, baby kiss me, fill my heart with song and let me sing forevermore

[system-of-a-feather]

While I am usually aware of the front basically 24/7, it is largely like white noise and enough to just keep tabs on what is going on in the world and in the fronting space.

Other than the fact that I don't want to handicap the hosts with a sense of learned helplessness (a thing they focus on), the other reason I don't front frequently (unless I need to or am in a period of time where I am "frequently working") is because I am the system's fail safe, and while we do have protocols for what to do if I am "down" and not working well and need someone to cover for me until I get on my feet, those are plans we'd prefer to not have to do with how mich harder it is to come back up from those periods

As a result my stability - while not typically at risk - is highly prioritized as I am the stability backbone of the system. In my personal experience, the more personally engaged with the real world you get, the more personally invested you get and the more prone you are to destabilizing as a part because in the great words of Frank Sinatra, "that's life" and one of the expected ups and downs with hosts and frequent fronters - something I have experience with as a part that co-hosted in early Pandemic which, as much as Riku goes "LOL I could NEVER do gatekeeper shit fuck that LOL", I think being a host is much more stressful 😂

Shits too real and complicated out there. Over here I just sit here, watch things, see if anything is broken, fix it, then go back to sitting and waiting for the next problem to diagnose and fix.

Yall hosts are out there doing a lot and managing work and life direction and relationships and general satisfaction hopes and dreams and shit while ALSO having trauma and crap and just, miss me with that.

This nature of mine of always being here but usually refusing to front unless actively asked results in me being very responsive to positive triggers, but also doing the iconic Ray thing (fiance calls it that) where I front just long enough to turn off the positive trigger and then toss whatever part that was out backnin the front cause if I don't have to and am not particularly needing to front, I tend to reject it