Living with SBS (Shiny Ball Syndrome)
We’ve been told we only get one shot to make a first impression. That may be true, especially in the online dating world, but, once you start talking to someone, how much of a chance should this person actually get?
Here’s why I’m asking...
Last week I started chatting with a new prospect. He was easy to talk to and the messages were flowing back and forth with ease. Previously in the conversation I’d mentioned having a family commitment later that day but didn’t share any of the specifics. Hi, we just started talking and you barely know more than my first name- you don’t need to know every intimate detail, and if you think you do, you’re wrong. But I digress.
Anyway, my evening with family consisted of a two-hour drive to New Jersey, dinner, an overnight and spending time with extended family wherein I try like hell not to be attached to my phone. First of all, it’s rude. And, second of all, I so rarely spend time with family that I don’t want to spend the entire time with my face in my phone.
Okay so, talking with NP (New Prospect), and had to get on the road. Since we hadn’t even gone so far as to exchange numbers, I just let the conversation wane.
Upon pulling in the driveway, I checked my messages one last time before heading into dinner, and apologized for being unresponsive while driving. The next day we resumed chatting although my lag time between messages was considerably longer than the day before. Again, didn’t want to be rude and attached to my phone. Forgive me for trying to be present and respectful.
I find myself in a moment where my six-month old cousin has just been put down for a nap, the rest of my family is out running an errand and the only other person in the house has fallen asleep. I reach for my phone and find the following, “I don’t think this is going to work out. Good luck.”
No reason, no context. I’m puzzled.
I respond, “I’m really sorry to hear that. If it’s because I haven’t been chatty today, I’m still with family and don’t want to be rude.”
He writes back. Did I get a reprieve? Is he perhaps understanding of the situation? Nope. He says, “No, not really. Just got bored.”
I am a deeply flawed individual. I’m a chronic over thinker. I can be bossy and neurotic. I can be chatty and too loud. Boring is not one of them. Though, I suppose that could be relative.
In any case, I feel like someone just threw cold water on me and like I wasn’t given a fair shot. Maybe I didn’t any enough questions in response, maybe I didn’t use enough LOLs, who knows. Sure, I’ve been on dates where I was bored and started counting the number of times the person rambling next to me pursed his lips, or lost his train of thought in an overly drawn out “um.” When it came time to decide whether or not to see each other again, I’d opted out of a second date, but I never in a million years would have told these men that was the reason. It’s just mean, and it makes you look like an insensitive ass. Just sayin’.
Was an insincere “good luck” better than ghosting? Maybe. Possibly, albeit only barely.
How long should a first impression be? Was 36 hours long enough? Too short? I know that with swiping apps and speed dating, we’ve created a culture of being quick to say, “next” because something better, funnier, prettier, neater, taller, wealthier is out there. But I wonder if we’re really giving people a fair shot.
Single girl......confused.
