The Crisis is the Solution
8.5.2020
These words are found in Bernstein’s ending soliloquy of his Harvard lectures. He’s referring to a mid-20th century crisis in music where the avant-garde seemingly got boring and had to “rescue” itself. I’m referring to this time, this moment, right now.
One thing that has unsurprisingly come out of walking every day is I’m starting to feel better. Gee, who would have thought that if you walk 4.5 miles every day, you’ll start feeling better? Just unfathomable, huh?
But I haven’t been writing. I don’t think I have writer’s block or any lacking inspiration. I think what’s happened is my body isn’t in a continual state of panic. I’m having angry or introverted moments here and there, but overall, it’s mostly been nothing. Neither bad nor good. Just nothing. Not hurting, not aching, not living in a state of existential dread. Nothing.
That’s not to say I don’t live in a state of existential dread. It’s just to say it’s slowly being replaced with nothing. While this isn’t the improvement I seek as an end, I recognize it as a major milestone along the way. Then again, blipping out of existence, into nothingness could be something to look forward to.
I had originally intended to end Bernstein’s Harvard Lectures by going back and listening to all of the pieces he references, in addition to the ones he focuses on. I still intend that, but I think I’m going to go for a much larger survey of the orchestral world by diving into his Young People Concerts series. These were broadcast on tv for about 15 years while he led the NY Philharmonic. It’ll be much broader and will function as the ultimate music appreciation class. I never did take music appreciation in college. After watching the first one yesterday on YouTube, I made a playlist of the pieces he talks about over the course of the hour. That playlist is almost 4.5 hours. So I can watch an episode at the beginning of a week, create a playlist, and then listen on my morning walks.
Today I listened to Strass’ “Don Quixote” which I didn’t like and Beethoven’s Sixth Symphony again. I think next time the 6th comes up I’ll skip to the next one. I’ve listened to it 4 or 5 times now. That’s not to say it’s not great, I just want to hear other things. Even if I didn’t like Don Quixote, at least it was different.
