Rather than having to counteract every negative behavior with five positive behaviors, wouldn’t it make more sense to adopt a new mind-set about how you treat one another?
What if you treated your partner with the same kindness and respect in everyday life that you use with your boss, your best friend, or even your mom? What if you made the decision to be respectful, kind, and affirming, even during conflict or difficult conversations? Then you wouldn’t have to try so hard to make up for the painful, divisive interactions that weaken the closeness you share together.
Of course, there will still be times when you feel angry or frustrated, but if you make the commitment to always lead with respect and kindness, you’ll be less likely to fall into the bad habits that sabotage your connection. You control your words and behaviors with your boss and friends, even when they irritate you. If you are motivated, you can learn this same self-control with your partner, the person you love the most and who is most deserving of your best behavior.
Practicing respect and kindness isn’t just a nice thing to do. It makes a huge difference in the quality of your relationship. It builds mutual trust and fosters healthy communication. It allows you to manage conflict and challenges more effectively. Most importantly, it shows the depth of your love for your partner and the commitment you have to your relationship.
— Mindful Relationship Habits, S.J. Scott