Sep 29, 2021
I remember I specifically didn’t get scales so that I didn’t relapse, but I’m thinking mayyyyybe I should since I’m kinda being delusional here I think
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I remember I specifically didn’t get scales so that I didn’t relapse, but I’m thinking mayyyyybe I should since I’m kinda being delusional here I think
Oh and since I’m writing personal posts (and nobody reads them anyway), might as well note this. The way antidepressants change my outlook on food cannot be understated. I literally never felt indifferent about food before I started antidepressants. It’s like I was obsessed and the pills came over and said “buddy it literally doesn’t matter”. I’m off the pills now but this newfound “eh” feeling about food still persists. And I wasn’t even doing Prozac lol
Not much changed appearance-wise, but I physically feel better now, which I’m really grateful for. And restricting is easier.
I feel like maybe the whole love for food I had earlier was due to my upbringing, with my mom always telling me how lucky I was I could eat anything, because she was ALWAYS restricting. So yeah, it feels nice not turning every safe meal into a grand sacrifice for the ED god
Day three (out of 7) of preparing for that famed 60 hr fast 👌
Woke up after a fast day feeling t h i n n e only to discover nothing’s really changed and this is my mind playing tricks on me, tricking me into eating even though there was no milestone, no progress worth celebrating
Good thing I was too tired to get up instantly and noticed this after a while
Oh actually fuck that whole chapter 28 of Horimiya
I’m having whiplash from seeing this whole “father made fun of me for gaining weight and then told me he was worried that I wasn’t eating enough” in the middle of my living room at 5 am
That one frame where she looks at the calorie count of his sandwich.....
Oof.
Woke up feeling light today let’s fucking GOOO!!!
i lost some weight during the pandemic due to being out of a job and surviving on commissions proving not that sustainable... I’m literally too broke to afford more than one meal a day most of the time. but a week ago a friend came over and brought pizza and a lot of sweets which being snack deprived for half a year i consumed like it was my last meal on earth and my body freaked out with a fullbody allergic rash lmao
i have no idea what exactly caused it (lets be real it’s probably the dollar store wine) but now i have to go see doctors and... well... undressing of front of strangers and being asked about food sucks since my answer is basically “uuuh i eat canned beans with rice on a good day” and it promotes them prying about my weight
luckily healthcare is free to some extent. I however feel like maybe I’m missing a chance to purposefully restrict/fast in an effort to lose more weight and save money. Two birds with one stone, and all that. So yeah. Idk how common lifeblogging is now within the ed community, but since I’ve now unlearned snacking due to low income, and my mental health is otherwise in a good place, I’ll try writing here more.
Hoping the nice people following me can understand and just skip long text posts or block the second tag. Thank you!