this somehow became some ultimate angst fam and i’m sorry. also this is completely unbetaed and i just wrote it all at once and it’s 3am so i cannot claim that this is quality … at all. i’m like 90% sure my grammar is a complete mess tbh. i’m not even sure if half of this even makes sense. also this is literally over 2 months late and i’m sorry.
warnings: none, just jimin being a dense motherfucker.
Jimin couldn’t focus. His mind was everywhere but the practice room, everywhere but the present. Time and time again, Jimin found himself stumbling at points where he had been able to do the choreography in his sleep. It was frustrating to say the least. He’d gone to practice to get his mind off of him, yet it had only served to do exactly the opposite.
Every time Jimin glanced into the mirror, he saw Hoseok’s eyes staring back at him. Any time he could hear himself think over the music, Hoseok’s “5, 6, 7, 8” ran around his head, playing over and over again. Even in the place Jimin once found to be his escape, Hoseok managed to invade it, painting his presence over every nook and cranny.
Jimin honestly wanted to cry.
He’d known Hoseok three years, and the whole time he’d been trying to fight the initial attraction. He pushed the elder away, struggled to keep himself from swooning at Hoseok’s smile and kept himself guarded. However, no one was better at breaking down walls than Jung Hoseok, so there Jimin was—completely unguarded and bare.
Years of denying Jung Hoseok had only managed to screw him over worse in the end.
Now here he was, sitting against the mirror of the practice room, music shut off in frustration, drowning in sweat and finally letting out the sobs that had been dying to come out for months. He wasn’t even sure at what point that his walls had fallen completely, at what point Hoseok had become the last piece of his puzzle—the piece that had been missing for far too long. He wasn’t sure at what point he’d finally loosened his grip on the world he created, the world he controlled, to face reality, but he was sure that he couldn’t go back.
You can tell me anything, Hoseok told him earlier, trying to be comforting. He saw straight through Jimin’s strained smile, like he always had. He told Jimin it was okay to not be okay, told him to rest and that he didn’t need to talk if he didn’t want to.
But Hoseok was wrong, because Jimin couldn’t tell him anything. He couldn’t tell Hoseok had hard he’d fallen for him, how much it hurt because he was sure Hoseok was straight. He was just Jung Hoseok’s friend, and that’s all he ever would be—and it hurt. But he would get over it, he would have to get over it, and he knew he could.
If he could get Hoseok out of his head for one goddamn second, that is.
“If only I didn’t love you,” was all Jimin could whimper out, unaware that Hoseok stood at the door. Unaware that Hoseok could hear him. Unaware that Hoseok felt the same goddamn way. Unaware at just how dense he was. “This would all be a lot fucking easier.”
fyi this takes place like. around inu era. and they end up together in the end bcuz for once i need to not write about jihope breaking up.
skyedestiny replied to your post “also i don’t think i’ll ever come back to tumblr rp but if i ever do,...”
:O Which character? I has the curiosities.
well there's a sci fi version and a magical version. the sci fi version is a former human, now an AI who exists on the internet, but regularly builds androids and other robots to act as avatars in the real world, of varying degrees of human looking. the other idea is a spirit, possibly a litch, acting as a hive mind amongst many bodies, all deceased, in various states of decay (in fact they mostly look still alive and normal, as those kinds of faces are most useful in interacting with others, which is a necessary evil for this being). still thinking on it though
@skyedestiny I'm totally good! :) I'm not as emotionally invested as some are, this season had far too much filler for me I think, but it's still damned well written. I can see how that would freak some people out tho! Like, I felt that was Good Star Wars on par with the movies.
For a prompt, something with Rey and a more recreational use of the Force?
Rey is only beginning to open up to her power: Luke explains that as she uses it more, it will become like second nature, a living part of her. Part of that is learning to use it without fear. So Rey starts to try and use the Force more naturally: levitating tools to help her work, pulling things out of hard-to-reach places.
The best use for the Force she finds is giving the children she meets (and there are a few on D’Qar) slow, gentle rides through the air, once she’s more confident. Rey’s careful, keeps them upright, and, when they land, beaming, back on solid ground, their joy is its own reward.
skyedestiny replied to your post “i wanna watch an anime again”
I recommend Higurashi no Naku Koro ni if you like horror and mystery >.> Takes a little while to pick up during the first few eps, though. ...And I'm never really picky about dub vs. sub but, uh, the dub for this one really sucks so
Finn- back when he didn’t have a name- used to think of belonging as something unattainable. Or rather, unattainable for him. Everyone else seemed to manage it just fine. that was the point, wasn’t it, of all the uniforms and the helmets, the training and the propaganda and the endless speeches. Finn was supposed to belong here, part of a matched set, a soldier, faceless and nameless. Finn could never belong like that. Instead, he had to settle for being merely good at his job.
Rey tells him she felt the same, flickering over a holo in conversations where it’s midnight on D’Qar and morning at the temple, her face drawn and thoughtful. She doesn’t sleep well, yet, she says, because she isn’t used to not having to keep watch.
“I never felt like I belonged, but then, I felt like I shouldn’t.” She holds her hands up, smiling a little at the silliness of it. “I thought if I did, I’’d given up hope.” Rey tilts her head, and Finn aches to touch her, reaching out over the distance to hold her hand again.
“Maybe your heart was doing that, too.”
(Kylo Ren has never belonged anywhere, and, he tells himself, he never wanted to. It gives him strength, knowing his difference- that chafing against his surroundings, brought up constantly against all the ways he doesn’t fit. Wrong face, wrong name, too much anger and too little control. When he was younger, it might have caused him distress- it doesn’t, he thinks, pointedly, any more.
Belonging is a comfort, and he has systematically stripped his life of those)
