part 1 of a friends to lovers bang chan fic thats inspired by rosy from @rosylix!! this is largely self-indulgent, but i hope that someone out there might relate or feel comforted by this <3
series masterlist
bang chan x gn! reader
wc: 1162
warnings: lots of mentions of past s/a related trauma, implied past s/a, hurt/comfort, in depth descriptions of trauma-related anxiety, touch adverse reader, talks of boundaries, bangchan refered to as Chris, he's such a sweetheart
"So what, you've just, never done anything since then?" Chris asks, your best friend.
“I mean, I’ve tried. It’s just…” You groan, hesitating.
“Hey.” He says, as he places a hand on your arm, prompting you to look up at him. “You don’t have to tell me anything, but if you want to. I am here to listen.”
Somehow, the eye contact makes you slightly more nervous and you can feel your heart beating rapidly in your throat at the feeling of his skin touching yours.
“I- it’s okay.” You clear your throat, looking down at your hands as they fiddle with the sleeve of your shirt.
“There was one other person. That I told and gave consent to. But…” You pause, taking a deep breath. “They sort of abused that power.” You look up, suddenly insecure as you notice Chris’s unreadable expression.
“If that makes sense.” You ramble, trying to avoid eye contact as the air shifts with a new-found tension.
Chris inhales sharply. “It makes sense.” He leans forward, taking your hands in his.
“I am so sorry you went through that. And that someone took advantage of your pain like that.” You look into his eyes, and you swear you can see tears dusting his waterline.
“You don’t deserve that.” His voice breaks slightly.
You avert your eyes. “It’s fine-”
“No it’s not.” Chris cuts you off and you internally flinch at the anger radiating through his tone.
“Sorry. Sorry.” He pauses as he notices your anxiety. “I am just so angry right now.”
“Seriously. It was ages ago. I’m over it now.” You lie, trying to stand, or move away, anything to get out of this conversation.
“No. You’re not.” You freeze, surprised at his sudden honesty.
You look up at him, and you notice tears falling down his face.
“Why are you crying?” You mumble, instinctively reaching out to wipe away his tears.
He rests his hand on yours, looking into your eyes with a sorrowful expression.
“I can tell.” He pauses, his voice thick with emotion. “That you’re not over it.”
Tears begin to pool in your eyes as you process the forlorn look on his face.
“I see it, in the way you flinch slightly whenever I touch you. The way you spiral over trying to initiate any kind of touch. The way you look away during kissing scenes in shows. I see it. I see you.” Tears begin to stream down your face and you feel yourself struggling to breathe.
He pulls you close, tucking you securely against his chest. He wraps his arms around you, his hand tracing reassuring circles on your back.
The second you rest your head on his shoulder, you start sobbing uncontrollably. The years of repressed emotions and unprocessed trauma pouring out of you and into the awaiting arms of your dutiful best friend.
You don’t know how much time has passed as your sobs turn into hiccups, Chris whispering soft nothings in your ear as he rubbed gentle circles on your back.
“Thank you. I’m sorry.” You murmur, leaning back to wipe at the dampness on your face.
“It’s okay. Don’t apologise. Do you want to talk about it?” There's a softness to his question, a genuine desire to be there for you and help you, rather than a sense of obligation.
You pause, pondering. “Yes actually.”
He hums in response and you settle back onto the couch, still leaning into him slightly.
You look down at your lap, hands fiddling with the buttons on your sleeve as you take a deep breath.
Chris silently rests his hands on yours, something he’s always done for you whenever he notices you fiddling.
“Remember, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.” He affirms as you fidget with his hand resting in your lap.
“I want to tell you. Tell… Someone. But it just feels weird. It’s uh… weird stuff.” You mumble as he hums again.
“I promise I won’t judge you.” He murmurs. “No matter how weird it is.”
You smile in response.
“I’m just… scared. Like I know that I’ve… done stuff. Before. But I don’t remember it well.” You trail off, trying to ignore the rapid beating of your heart.
“I’m so scared that I'd like start something and then start panicking and embarrassing myself.” You pause. “Like, what if I mess up? Or have a panic attack? Like I don’t even know what I'm supposed to do during that stuff, let alone know how I’ll react.” You lean forward, resting your elbows on your thighs as Chris retracts his hand.
“And everyone says that my body will take over. And that I’ll know what to do.” You pause, fresh tears blurring your vision. “But I don’t think I would. I think I’d just panic and shut down.”
“But even with platonic stuff. No matter how hard I try, or how much I crave it. It just feels so tainted.” Tears spiral down your cheeks and you feel your chest somehow growing both lighter and heavier as you open your heart to him. “I feel so broken. I feel like I need someone to fix me. Or at least teach me how to do stuff again. How to hold, how to touch… How to love, both romantically and platonically.”
“How to do all of that without it feeling… corrupt. Without me… feeling corrupt.” The air is heavy with emotion and the two of you fall into an uneasy silence as the weight of your confession settles.
“I’ll teach you.” Chris murmurs, breaking the quiet.
“Teach me which one.” You try to laugh, to ease the tension and awkwardness, but it comes out forced and catches in your throat.
“Whichever you need.” His whisper was quiet, almost silent, but his tone was sincere.
You inhale sharply, turning your head to look at him, barely noticing his tears in your shock. “What?”
“I’ll teach you.” He says, clearing his throat. “For starters, I don’t think you’re broken, or that you need fixing. But I’ll teach you.”
“All of it. As much or as little as you want.” He reiterates as you try to process his suggestion in stunned silence.
“I-” You pause, unsure as to what on earth was happening. “I don’t want you to feel pressured… or compelled to help me.”
“I don’t. I want to help you, I’d be honoured to even. But we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” He reassures you, gently taking your hand.
“Are you sure?” You ask, searching his eyes for any hesitation and only finding sincerity.
“Yes. I promise.” He affirms.
“And I swear. I will never-” He pauses as his voice shakes, “Never abuse any trust or consent you give me. I will always do my absolute best to make you feel safe and secure.”
“Thank you.” You smile, hugging him.
“Of course.” He says, pulling you closer. “It’s what friends are for.”
This is a work of fiction, based entirely on my personal perception of him, and does not reflect his actual character or actions.
pairing: [still friends] bassist!chan x (fem)reader
wordcount: ~2.6k
[these events are not chronologically connected to the previous parts!]
taglist: @100797-bc @chansrms
Achoo!
You groaned as your own sneeze made you feel like your whole head spinned for five minutes straight. You were desperately trying to reach for your phone on the bedside table but your forces were nearly nonexistent, it felt so difficult to even just move your eyes. You could hear the never-ending buzzing of the device, and you couldn't even wonder who would be able to make so many notifications pop up in such a short time.
You had caught a bad cold, probably due to the previous night, but you weren't even able to tell your friends about it. You just hoped they didn't worry that much.
You sighed, giving up on your small mission to let your hands finally reach your phone and decided to rest a little bit, hoping you would gain some energy to get up and go get some medicine for your headache.
Not even ten minutes had passed and that peaceful, way too silent silence got interrupted by a really long hold on your doorbell.
You suddenly opened your eyes and stared intensely at the white ceiling.
It's Chan.
Only that guy was able to be so annoying just by ringing the bell. But how could you tell him you got sick? And that it was entirely your fault since he warned you and told you to bring a jacket with you and then found yourself in an unfortunate rainstorm with just a simple t-shirt?
"Eugh… give me a minute…"
You murmured, somehow hoping your voice could reach your friend's ears although it left your mouth in a really low whisper.
The ringing got even more annoying and obnoxious and you took a deep breath before finally trying to leave your warm bed.
"The quicker I move, the faster it will end."
You kept repeating to yourself as you got up, tried not to lose balance, stomped your feet around to catch both your slippers but being able to only wear one, and proceeding with quickly moving from your room to the front door, your right hand always following the wall by your side as everything around you was spinning.
You struggled a bit with the various locks but then you finally were able to open the door, and the annoying ringing stopped when your tired, heavy eyes met with the red haired guy's.
"Why didn't you answer my messages-"
Your ears were barely able to catch those words before everything around you suddenly turned off.
The next thing you saw was that familiar white ceiling: you were back in your bed, under many warm blankets, and a beeping thermometer under your arm.
Your gaze slowly moved to your side, seeing a bottle of water where your phone was previously left on your nightstand. Raindrops gently hitting against the surface of the window as you got welcomed by your friend.
"You're awake."
Chan's soft voice reached your senses as you felt like you were slowly relaxing. He sat on the bed and your eyes focused on his silky features, as his warm hand got the thermometer from under your arm and he checked the temperature.
"Is it bad?"
He only sighed, his eyes fixed on the display.
"That bad?"
Your voice sounded a bit worried and he quickly turned off the small device and put it back in its case. His eyes met with yours and his gaze softened as he let his hand wander under the four piles of blankets just to look for yours, and hold it.
"It's really bad. Why didn't you listen to me and left without bringing a jacket with you."
There he goes!
You huffed and you quickly pinched the same warm hand you were distractedly letting your fingers trace on a few seconds before.
"Did you really come all the way to my house, ring my damn door for, like, ten minutes without even giving me a break, only to scold me?"
"Yes."
You pinched his hand even harder.
"Not only for that."
Your two fingers let go of his hand for a second, distractedly tapping on the same spot they were previously pinching, waiting for him to continue.
"I also got to see you faint in front of me."
"You're such an idiot."
You couldn't help but let a tired giggle leave your lips, as those words were blurred out together.
"Make sure to eat something before taking your medicine."
You looked at him in silence, blinking a few times as your eyes didn't move from his. It was as if you were trying to tell him something without actually saying it.
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon… don’t make me say it-
"Why are you looking at me like that."
"...Channie, I'm kinda sick, could you please make me some food? A sandwich maybe? Hm? Hm? Or porridge? What about some-"
"Don't call me Channie-"
"Oh, c'mon! Please, please, please!"
You started whining right away, now both of your hands holding his and randomly pulling it and just… throwing a whole tantrum while trying to keep a cute tone in your voice.
His expression didn't change a bit, he was definitely not surprised by that whole theatrical scene.
"Okay, okay. I'll make something for you. Stay here and sleep."
You suddenly stopped and looked at him with sparkly eyes as you started to loudly thank him.
"You don't look that sick anymore, though. Maybe I can just go home-"
"No, don't go!"
Those words left your mouth before your brain could even register what you were going to say.
You looked at Chan in silence as he was clearly processing what you said. Those were, really, a few simple words; but it was probably the veiled desperation hidden in your tone that got both of you quite startled.
When did you even become this clingy?
He didn't say anything, probably not to make that small situation even more embarrassing, and left your room, not before making sure that you were going to rest and not follow him around.
"But Chan, this is my house!"
"I'm in charge of cooking today. I don't want to see you wander around the house like a lost raccoon looking for food."
You had no words left to win that debate so you just huffed and hid under your blankets, leaving only your face uncovered as you stared at a small wolf plushie sitting on your desk; its cute, closed eyes reciprocating your gaze.
You started to feel your mind slowly wander from thought to thought before you finally fell asleep, hoping to feel better after the nap.
You couldn't really tell how much time had passed, but you tried to slowly open your heavy, tired eyes as you were feeling, once again, the whole world spinning around you.
"Gwah… Chan…?"
You mumbled as you heard his steps, signaling that he probably just finished cooking some small meal for you. He left a bowl on the nightstand and sat on the bed. He probably could tell that you were more in pain than earlier.
"Are you okay? Do you have a headache?"
His voice reached your ears in a soft, low tone, the only way you could answer was by slowly nodding. You felt his big hand quickly reaching your forehead.
"Gosh, I can't even open my eyes…"
You blurted out and slowly opened one eye as you tried to somehow focus on Chan, sitting right next to you, his back now facing you as he was looking for the thermometer he had used earlier to check your temperature.
Before you could even say anything else, he suddenly turned around once again, his dark eyes meeting with yours for a fraction of seconds before you squeezed your eyes.
"It hurts…"
You mumbled under your breath. Chan just sighed, his soft hand slowly moving some strands of hair from your face.
His hands felt quite cold, probably meaning that you were boiling hot since they were usually warm whenever he touched you.
You turned your head, letting your cheek lazily rub against the palm of his hand.
The red haired guy suddenly moved a bit closer to you, hesitant for a bit, before you felt his soft, plump lips rest against your forehead.
What…?!
You abruptly opened your eyes, but he was leaning against you and all you could see was his torso covered by one of his usual black hoodies.
"Chan-"
"Yeah, you're getting worse. Can you sit properly? So you can eat."
Damn… why couldn’t he just use the thermometer?! It’s literally in his hands!
That was quite unexpected, the words you were trying to say faded on the tips of your lips and before you could even realize it, you were now sitting on your bed. Chan moved various pillows behind your back so you could rest comfortably and he brought a small cloth to put on your lap, on top of the various layers of soft blankets that were covering you.
"What’s on the menu today, chef?"
You giggled lightly, your voice not able to filter your tiredness as you suddenly sneezed. You were glad he left three boxes of tissues right next to you.
You were able to catch a really light smile painting his lips before he sat down holding the bowl in one hand and a spoon in the other.
"Just some porridge."
He replied with his usual colourless voice, although you had to admit that at this point you were able to see every single one of the many colours that he always coldly tried to hide from others.
"Here, be careful not to get your blankets dirty while eatin-"
"Aaaaahn..."
You didn't even think twice before making that really childish noise as you opened your mouth, waiting for Chan to feed you.
Your eyes met his as realization was slowly hitting you.
… wait a minute…
Was I just… supposed to… not… Chan… wasn't he…
Silence brutally struck in the room as you suddenly felt like that plushie on your desk got really and fascinatingly interesting to stare at and to give your whole attention to.
He wasn't going to feed me! I'm such an idiot! Why did I even think about that? What's wrong with me!!
Your mind was getting beaten up by such thoughts as your eyes intensely kept staring at the plushie, completely ignoring Chan next to you.
"I heard all of that."
You nearly screamed as you quickly looked at him, your eyes drowning in terror.
Is he some wizard or something? Did I talk out loud?! No… Maybe he’s an alien?
You quickly brought your hands on top of your head, as you started glaring at him, your lips pressed in a pout and your fingers slightly tapping on your head.
"What are you doing now, the food might get cold if you keep messing around, idiot."
"What am I thinking now? Can you read my mind?! How much do you know?!"
He looked at you, clearly unamused, and took a deep breath as he stirred the meal in the bowl.
"Here, open your mouth. You're clearly not gonna recover from this at all."
Ignoring your words, he carefully led the spoon full of warm porridge to your pouty lips and, as you kept staring at him, hands still on your head, you slowly opened your mouth, welcoming the exquisite food that the bassist in front of you was able to make.
"Mh… it's really good!"
You mumbled between spoonfuls. Chan kept feeding you and, after you thanked him for the meal, he gave you a glass of water and medicine.
"Drink it, so that headache won't bother you anymore."
He said, as you were slowly drinking your medicine.
It tasted so bad and you couldn't help but whine, looking at the glass in your hands with a rather upset expression, when you suddenly heard a giggle coming from Chan.
"You looked so ugly right now."
"Hey! So rude! Don’t make fun of me!"
You jokingly stuck your tongue out. He smiled and lightly booped your nose before he got up and brought the bowl and glass back to the kitchen.
As you could faintly hear him washing the dishes, you lay down again under your blankets, your eyes following some random raindrops that would end up against your window, racing against each other and tracing abstract figures on the glass.
You were feeling really thankful for Chan, if he wasn't there you probably would have spent the whole day sleeping not able to take care of yourself.
He was always there for you, he would always come to help at the right moments and although sometimes you might have shown reluctance to him, you had to admit that you had always enjoyed every single second spent with him by your side.
As you were getting immersed in your own thoughts, your eyes suddenly met with those of the fluffy wolf plushie that was previously on your desk.
You didn't notice Chan entering your room and in order to get your attention, and maybe also make you cheer up a bit, he decided to use that plushie you intensely stared at before you had your meal.
"Isn't he cute?"
You smiled at him, taking the plushie in your hands and slowly patting its cute head.
"Mh."
He nodded, he looked both way too focused and distracted at the same time. You often wondered what was going on in his mind, sometimes finding yourself wishing you were secretly able to read his thoughts.
"Chan, are you okay-"
"Be careful next time."
"Oh, c'mon… this stuff can happen! I'm completely fine now, thank you. And sorry… for probably ruining your whole day? It’s also raining, you shouldn’t have come all the way to my h-"
“I was in the area anyway.”
Yeah, no. He used that excuse so many times, along with his usual “I was at the grocery store” when the same exact store is also in his neighbourhood. He often tried to save himself saying that “the cookies in the one next to your house are better”, but you just let him be and as a consequence he was probably convinced you fully believed in that tiny lie.
You didn't get any kind of reply from him besides those few words, and you started to think that… maybe you did ruin his day? What if he had other plans? What if he was supposed to go practice but instead he got stuck spoonfeeding his way-too-stupid-but-not-enough-not-to-catch-a-cold friend?
You sighed, but before you could say anything, his hands took the plushie from yours and he carefully examined it in silence.
"Tell her she might be stupid, but that she would never ruin my days."
"Chan, what-"
"And tell her that she might be careless sometimes, but that she's also really strong and that I would always come to help her no matter what."
His eyes were glued on the soft cartoonish wolf in his hands, and as every single word left his lips, you could feel your cheeks heating up and this time was definitely not because of the fever. As your tired eyes tried to focus a bit more on Chan’s face, you were able to notice that his cheeks as well were now tinted in a gentle light red.
"...And tell her that I can't read her mind. That place is probably some maze full of weird fantasies about me feeding her."
"Hey, stop that!"
You suddenly looked away, covering your face with the blanket as you tried your best not to get up and use the little energy left in you to knock him out.
"You idiot!"
You mumbled, your voice wasn't able to hide that shy smile printed on your face, but before you could even formulate a proper answer to everything he said, you heard a small, gentle and comically serious "boop." leave Chan's lips as he made the grey plushie gently hit your forehead.
"And lastly, tell her to get better soon. I want to go look at the stars with her again."
Hey I've been having really bad panic attacks latley so could you have han from stray kids comfort a stay when she has a really bad panic attack on front of him please??
I assume you want a reaction, and I write reactions for all members at once. i’d love to write a scenario for just jisung later when I open blurb requests though! but for now i’ll write all of their reactions. I wanted this to be a bit more than “helping someone breathe”, because that feels like it’s a given, so I tried to be creative with this. and it’s no worries babie! i’ll base most of this off of my personal experiences, so I hope this is good enough, cupcake!
member(s): all
genre: comfort, angst
warnings: panic attacks, comfort for panic attacks, hyperventilating, crying. please don’t read this if it will upset you.
---
chan
he knows he has to keep calm
so he guides you to a more secluded space
he sits down a little bit away from you and asks you where things feel uncomfortable so he can take off your jacket or shoes
he takes out his own waterbottle and gives it to you when you’ve calmed down a bit more
but he stays there the whole time with you
his first priority is you, so as soon as you’re uncomfy then all other worries go out the window
he gives you such a sweet smile and tells you he’s so proud of you for making it through
“love, it will all be okay soon... just stay here with me.”
minho
he gets a little anxious too because he’s not too good at using soft words, but he really does his best
he’s so attentive, and notices how you react to things so he can make a mental note of what not to do and what to steer you away from
minho sits down with you wherever you need
and he will hold you for as long as you want, or sit far enough away so you know he’s still there but not completely gone
if he sits far away from you he lets you know he’s there by softly whispering about how you’re doing so well and he asks you questions about the things you can physically feel to ground you
“tell me, kitten, what do you feel?” he asks you while pulling your hands into his sweatshirt pockets
changbin
he gets more protective than anything
if it were to happen in public he practically shoves his way through anything and everything to get you some fresh air
he holds both of your hands in his, and he doesn’t complain when you grip his arms too tightly because you’re scared
he lets you hold onto him for as long as you need
he brushes your tears away when you’re crying and tells you where you are when he notices you looking around
changbin helps you follow his breathing and smiles when you’re able to breathe slowly
he would even carry you back home if you needed
“hey, pumpkin. you’re outside by the dock, do you remember? I know things are scary right now, but i’ll protect you.”
hyunjin
he gets really scared for you too
but if you want him to hold you, he will pull you in close to him and push your ear to his chest to listen to his heartbeat
he brushes your hair for you and whispers calming things to you
sings for you even, he’d do anything
hyunjin just gets a little nervous when he sees you like that because he knows there’s really nothing he can do to fix it
if you have medicine he practically sprints and trips over his own legs trying to get it and some water for you
he wouldn’t leave you like that for anything
so he stays with you the whole time and gently brushes your tears away
“my sweet angel, drink some water, okay? you’re doing so well.”
jisung
jisung probably asks beforehand what he can do to help you. boy has a list of things to do for you and notes he keeps
he reads your body language well to tell if you want to be held or not
if you want to be held he will pull you into his lap and look into your eyes while telling you how much he loves you and how you’re doing so well
he has a firm grip on your hands to try and ground you
and he won’t let go unless you want him to
if you don’t want to be held he will sit a bit away from you and remind you how he’s always there for you and how it will pass soon
he stops you from scratching at your arms as soon as he sees it start
and he is just so attentive and gentle with you all throughout it. when it starts to pass, he is very relieved
“cupcake, you’re doing so well. this will pass soon, it will pass.”
felix
felix is such a perfect angel, he knows how to handle this
he tells you that he loves you so much, he tells you where you are, he asks you if you need help getting comfortable
he sits next to you and holds your hand, rubbing the back of your hand even when you squeeze his hand too hard because you’re scared
if things are too loud he places his hands over your ears
he wants you to know that he’s always always there for you, and that things like this are normal
if it happens in public, he makes sure you’re looking at him and him only
he’s even got a snack and water box for you with a blanket for when it’s over. he swaddles you up like a baby and lets you rest while he watches over you
“look at me, prince(ss), it’s just me and you here.”
seungmin
he also has a prepared list and asked beforehand
he lays you down next to him so you can breathe better and he knows that he has to distract you
he whispers to you about anything and everything
when you start to scratch at your hands or arms, he holds them in his own hands and kisses the back of them
he gets really scared when he sees you so distressed
he will wrap you up in a blanket, dim the lights lower so they don’t hurt your eyes, hold the waterbottle for you while you sip, sing for you while he holds you, gentle hands running up and down your back
if you’re standing up he will kneel in front of you and look back up at you because he knows he can be a little intimidating when he stands at his full height
“I know... I know, sweetie. it’s gonna be over soon. i’m so proud of you.”
jeongin
he is also very nervous, and slightly clueless
he tries to think about how he would want to be treated if he had a panic attack, so he decides that he’s going to be really gentle with you
he makes sure to get you any water or medicine you might need
he pulls you into his lap and lets you lean your back up against him
he repeats some of the same phrases about how you’re doing so well and he tells you where you are and that he loves you no matter what
he wipes your tears, and even puts on your favorite comedian when you calm down
he lets you lay on him however you want because he just wants you to be okay
“there, there you go. you’re doing amazing, baby. so well...”
