Secret Swanta | Swan Queen # Slack
to: @grace-and-poise-of-a-queen
from: @slackbot
Dear Gracey,
Thank you for all your hard work preparing and coordinating this Secret Swanta project. You are lovely and I didn’t want you to be left without a gift so here goes...
Happy Christmas!
~ Slacky
All the Single Queens
We’ll say this follows canon until the end of S5a except for two things: - Cruella didn’t die - the mid-season 5 finale didn’t happen (I haven’t even watched it –no time, no interest, really can’t be arsed to at this point) so let’s imagine Emma actually respected Hook’s wishes and didn’t turn him into a Dark One and he’s peacefully resting forever in a field of roses in Camelot
“Really, Miss Swan?”
Uh-oh. Miss Swan again. Emma knows Miss Swan is not good. Even though she’s imagined quite many times Regina calling her that in certain… Well, let’s call it ‘not-safe-for-work mental scenarios’. Even though those scenarios come to her mind quite frequently while she is, actually, at work. Anyway. Even though, Emma knows Miss Swan means Regina is at best exasperated and at worst about to go full-on Evil Queen on her. Which is nine tenths scary and one tenth hot as hell. But anyway!
Regina is looking down, unamused, one eyebrow cocked up and lips slightly pursed when she stops moving them to assess the woman in front of her. Down on one knee. Holding a… Regina shakes her head.
“Whatever made you think that it’d be a good idea to propose to me with an onion ring?”
~ one hour ago ~
“Welcome once again to our weekly meeting of ‘Villains Anonymous’, everyone!” Archie greets cheerfully, as he’s been doing for the past couple of months since this project started. This stupid project, as seems to be the consesus inferred by the massive eyeroll he receives. The same one he’s been receiving for the past couple of months. Tends to happen, when all your attendees are unwilling participants. The only saving grace are the bags of Granny’s takeout that welcome the reforming villains to the meetings.
“So, who wants to go first today? Arthur? Maleficent? Mr. Gold…?”
“Wait Archie, we can’t start yet,” Emma interrupts. “Regina hasn’t arrived yet.”
It’s not like Regina to be late, she knows, so she’s about to ask the psychologist for her phone back to check on her (Archie has them all surrender their cellphones on arrival, mainly due to Cruella’s growing addiction to Angry Birds and the negative effect that her constant losing has in her mood) (Emma thinks she would probably be better at it if she took off her gloves to play with a touch screen phone) when Zelena scoffs. “My darling sister has a doctor’s note to miss today’s meeting,” she glowers at Dr. Hopper as she snatches the last bag of onion rings from the table. “Apparently gallivanting about with one’s soulmate is a valid reason for truancy.”
“What?” Emma doesn’t understand. She thought Regina and Hood had ended things after Camelot. She was there for the shots with Regina. And for the killer hangover the day after.
“Regina felt it was important for her to talk things out with Mr. Hood and try to mend fences, as he has been one of the reasons she’s been tempted to fall back to less virtuous ways in the recent past,” Archie supplies helpfully.
“But…” Emma pouts. An honest-to-god pout that has all her companions rolling their eyes because, really?
“Oh for Christ’s sake Swan!” Cruella sneers. “As someone who knows her pets let me tell you, darling. The puppy dog look is not flattering on you.”
“Indeed,” Zelena agrees, munching on a ring. “I am sick of you two making eyes at each other. You’ve had a million chances to make your move, now stop moping and suck it up.” Gleefully, she adds, “If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it.”
And Emma snaps. She gets up, grabs her jacket and leaves the meeting. Not before snatching the bag of onion rings from an unsuspecting Zelena. “Oi! I was going to eat those!”
~ present ~
“You didn’t come to the meeting.”
Regina is blindsided by the apparent non-sequitur.
“What?”
“You didn’t come to the meeting and I was worried. And then Zelena said that you were with Robin and that I had missed my chance and I realized she was right so I just had to act before it was too late.”
“Too late…”
“I will get you a proper ring. A beautiful engagement ring, fit for a queen. And a wedding ring also. But for now, Regina, please. Stop thinking about what it is and think about what it means.”
“I don’t—”
“I love you. Don’t go back to Robin. Please. Be with me, date me, and eventually marry me. What we have is good, don’t you think? We’re practically married anyway.”
“Emma—“
“We already have the kid, and we spend most of our time together. I have dinner at your house five times a week. We work great together and make amazing magic and—“
“Emma! Shut up!”
The Savior turned Dark One turned Savior again winces. She’s rambling and she knows Regina hates it when she rambles. She chances a glance at the former queen and what she finds is the woman looking at her with a sense of wonder.
“I thought you were mourning Hook all this time, yet you were content with the idea of ‘almost us’?”
At a loss of what The Correct Answer may be, Emma just shrugs.
“You’re an idiot,” Regina says, but she takes the ring from Emma’s hand and takes a bite with a fond smile.
“Your idiot?” Emma asks hopefully, getting up slowly.
Regina shakes her head looking heavenwards, and when she finishes chewing she pulls Emma to her by the lapels of her jacket and kisses her.
~ 2 minutes later ~
“I can’t believe our first kiss tasted like onion.”
“Emma…”
“Right. Shutting up now.”