sometimes i hide. when you facetime, i text you back a lie,
cause i’m afraid to look back in your eyes.
i’m terrified you were love of my life. “
♕ zayn // drunk ♕
“ run away now like we’re supposed to do.
take you to the back now, i take a shot for you.
wasted every night, gone for every song,
faded every night, dancing all night long “
♛ the 1975 // m.o.n.e.y. ♛
“ new clothes, bloody nose
powders and walking back home.
has he got enough weed? no, broken phone
retching on the floor alone. “
♕ childish gambino // redbone ♕
“ too late.
you wanna make it right, but now it’s too late.
my peanut butter chocolate cake with kool-aid.
i’m trying not to waste my time. ”
♛ elliott smith // twilight ♛
“ you don’t deserve to be lonely,
but those drugs you’ve got won’t make you feel better.
pretty soon you’ll find it’s the only little part of your life you’re keeping together. “
♕ childish gambino // heartbeat ♕
“ are we dating ? are we fucking ?
are we best friends ? are we something in between that ?
i wish we never fucked and i mean that.
not really - you say the nastiest shit in bed and it’s fuckin’ awesome. “
♛ kid cudi // soundtrack to my life ♛
“ i am happy - that’s just the saddest lie.
i’ve got some issues that nobody can see
and all of these emotions are pouring out of me.
i bring them to the light for you, it’s only right. “
I wanna be drunk when I wake up on the right side of the wrong bed/And every excuse I made up/Tell you the truth I hate what didn't kill me it never made me stronger at all
02. Heavy - Linkin Park
I'm holding on/Why is everything so heavy?/Holding on So much more than I can carry/I keep dragging around what's bringing me down/If I just let go, I'd be set free
03. Demons - Imagine Dragons
Don't wanna let you down/But I am hell bound/Though this is all for you/Don't wanna hide the truth
04. Shape of You - Ed Sheeran
I'm in love with the shape of you/We push and pull like a magnet do/Although my heart is falling too/I'm in love with your body/And last night you were in my room/And now my bedsheets smell like you/Every day discovering something brand new/I'm in love with your body
05. All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
I wanna stand up, I wanna let go/You know, you know; no, you don't, you don't/I wanna shine on in the hearts of man =/I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand/Another head aches, another heart breaks I'm so much older than I can't take/And my affection, well, it comes and goes/I need direction to perfection, no, no, no, no
06. Clean - Taylor Swift
10 months sober, I must admit.Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it/10 months older, I won't give in/Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it
07. Who I Am Hates Who I've Been - Relient K
I'm sorry for the person I became./I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change/I'm ready to try and never become that way again/'Cause who I am hates who I've been/Who I am hates who I've been
08. Feel Again - One Republic
It's been a long time coming since I've seen your face/I've been everywhere and back trying to replace/Everything that I broke till my feet went numb
Praying like a fool who just shot a gun/Heart still beating but it's not working/It's like a hundred thousand voices that just can't sing/I reached out trying to love but I feel nothing/Oh my heart is numbBut with you, I feel again/And with you, I can feel again
09. Stay A Little Longer - Brothers Osborne
One more drink leads to another/You slide up close to me/Tear the t-shirts off each other/Your hands all over me/I tell myself I’m not in love/But one more time is not enough/One last kiss and then you’re a goner/And I’m here wishing you could stay a little longer
10. Hallelujah - Rufust Wainwright
Baby I've been here before/I've seen this room and I've walked this floor (you know)/I used to live alone before I knew you/And I've seen your flag on the marble arch/And love is not a victory march/It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
I KNOW YOU GOT A PAST, I GOT A PAST, THAT’S IN THE BACK OF US / AVERAGE, I’M A MAKE A MILLION ON THE AVERAGE / I’M RIDIN’ WITH NO BRAIN, BITCH, I’M OUT OF IT.
EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED / ONLY GOTTA DRIVE FOR THE MOMENT / IF YOU TELL ME ‘TURN AROUND’, THEN I’M ON IT / FOR THE MOMENT.
3. MY SHIT - A BOOGIE WIT DA HOODIE
IF I WASN’T GETTIN’ MONEY WOULD YOU STILL WANT ME? / IF I TOLD YOU I WAS BROKE WOULD YOU START ACTIN’ FUNNY? / THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED, YOU CAN’T TAKE IT FROM ME.
4. NEW SLAVES - KANYE WEST
YOU SEE IT’S LEADERS AND THERE’S FOLLOWERS / BUT I’D RATHER BE A DICK THAN A SWALLOWER.
I THROW THESE MAYBACH KEYS / I WEAR MY HEART ON THE SLEEVE / I KNOW THAT WE THE NEW SLAVES / I SEE THE BLOOD ON THE LEAVES.
5. THIS IS THE LIFE - TWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB
THIS IS THE LIFE / THEN WHO’D ARGUE?
ONE YEAR / 5 DAYS, AND WE’RE STARTING NEW / TRY TO MAKE A CHANGE / IT’S ONE MORE THING TO DO.
6. CREW LOVE - DRAKE, THE WEEKND
BUT SEEING MY FAMILY HAVE IT ALL / TOOK THE PLACE OF THAT DESIRE FOR THE DIPLOMAS ON THE WALL / AND REALLY I THINK I LIKE WHO I’M BECOMING / THERE’S TIMES WHERE I MIGHT DO IT JUST TO DO IT LIKE IT’S NOTHING.
7. SWIM GOOD - FRANK OCEAN
I’M ABOUT TO DRIVE IN THE OCEAN / IMMA TRY TO SWIM FROM SOMETHING / BIGGER THAN ME / KICK OFF MY SHOES / AND SWIM GOOD.
8. INSTINCT - ROY WOODS, MADEINTYO
NO BOY NO MAN CAN HANDLE MY SPOT / THINK YOU KNOW RIGHT BUT I’M CHANGIN’ A LOT / CAN’T BE NO MA WHO YOU KNEW FROM THE BLOCK? / WAIT UNTIL YOU GOT IT THEN YOUR LOSS.
9. CRUEL - SNAKEHIPS, ZAYN
THERE’S WAR/DEATH ON THE TV / AND THEN THERE’S YOU / IT’S FUCKED, IT’S CRAZY.
IN SUCH A CRUEL WORLD / MAYBE I FOUND SOMETHING GOOD, GIRL.
This whole soundtrack just in everything to Winnie, but this song in particular just speaks to her. Having feelings for the same sex when she was told not it was wrong, having sexual feelings for others and towards her own body, feeling like there’s no point to anything and everything she’ll do wont be good enough. This song encompasses so many of the feelings she’s had growing up in a strict household.
2. For Those Below - Mumford & Sons
The lines “Helpless, she lies across the stairs/ And then I find myself on top as the leader of a flock called to be a rock for those below.” get her because there were lots of times where she wanted to seek guidance from someone on how she felt, but there was no one around. She still feels lost and like she doesn’t have her life together, but she also knows her siblings are looking to her for guidance now and that she has to protect them and help them. Everything in her wants to be strong and have all the answers for their questions when they need it. It’s what keeps her going.
3. Playing God - Paramore.
She wasn’t allowed to listen to just anything growing up, but she loved Paramore. it was her sneaky little rebellious bit that would encourage her. She always wanted to be a punk like Hayley Williams and be wild, so listening to them was how she did it without actually doing it. When ‘Playing God’ came out, it really reminded her of her father. He wasn’t perfect but looked down on people a lot and was too controlling. Every time she wished she could tell him off, she’d sing this song in her head and it would give her some weird strength. Paramore was the first concert she ever got to go to when she went to college, and when they payed this song, she finally screamed the lyrics out.
4. Canonball - Damien Rice
Just the lyric about floating like a canonball carries a lot of weight to a girl from a small town who is alone in a big city. She constantly feels like she’s drowning in a sea of people and the somber tone really relaxes her.
5. Indiana - Jon McLaughlin
S song about a guy who decides to stay in his small town rather than travel the world speaks to her because for the longest time, she told herself there was nothing she needed outside of Nebraska. Thinking that it was enough to take visits to Omaha and see crowds was once enough for her.
6. Same old, Same Old - The Civil Wars
“ ‘Cause do I love you/Oh, I do/And I’m going to ‘til I’m gone/But if you think that I can stay in this
same old, same old/Well, I don’t ”
7. Night Go Slow - Catey Shaw
This video is something that Winnie has had dreams about so many times, and it’s a song she can listen to that her parents don’t exactly know it’s about two girls.
8. Sleepover - Hayley Kiyoko
Winnie didn’t have many friends growing up, but her closest friend was someone who Winnie would love to spend time around. A lot of the lyrics in this song about sharing a bed, dreaming of something more, brushing each other’s hair -- all things that Winnie did with her friend and wanted nothing more than to kiss her.
Go ahead and cry little girl
Nobody does it like you do
I know how much it matters to you
I know that you got daddy issues
Can’t tell me nothing // Kanye West
I had a dream I could buy my way to heaven
When I awoke, I spent that on a necklace
I told God I'd be back in a second
Man it's so hard not to act reckless
To whom much is given, much is tested
Get arrested guess until he get the message
I feel the pressure, under more scrutiny
And what I do, act more stupidly
Bought more jewelry, more Louis V
My Momma couldn't get through to me
Hurricane // Halsey
I'm a wanderess
I'm a one night stand
Don't belong to no city
Don't belong to no man
I'm the violence in the pouring rain
I'm a hurricane
100 songs // Sol
I pray that they don’t go blind - trying to fuck with my shine
If it’s a sign of the times - Guess my shit bout to blow
I’ll be good // Jaymes Young
I thought I saw the devil, this morning
Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue
With the warning to help me see myself clearer
I never meant to start a fire,
I never meant to make you bleed,
I'll be a better man today
I'll be good, I'll be good
And I'll love the world, like I should
Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good
For all of the times that I never could.
