I was 12 when we went to Australia. I remember this fact vividly because my grandma wanted to take me before I turned into a horrible teenager. (Jokes on her, I was always a mega nerd muahaha.)
Imagine me: a chubby 12 year old redhead with curly hair like Annie and the fashion sense of no one on the entire planet. I somehow convinced my mom to order me a matching salmon colored jumpsuit from a catalog. I owned cheetah print shorts.
My parents decided we should climb Uluru.
(This is not something you should do. Anangu ask that you don’t do it, it’s a dick move. It’s like if people started climbing the Vatican. We didn’t realize the cultural significance until afterward, which is not an excuse. Don’t. Do. It.)
I did not want to go, not because I knew anything about it being highly important to local indigenous people–honestly, as a snotty little preteen, all I cared about was that it was high, and full of exercise.
The first part is stupidly steep. (See now I’m telling you about it so you can feel like you’ve experienced it without having to be a dick, you’re welcome.) And because Uluru is exactly one giant rock, there’s nothing really growing on it, and not much purchase to be found. Thankfully, some super helpful white guys drilled holes into the side and put in a chain fence that you can hold onto and kind of haul yourself up. (Man I hope this is not still there. eta: google tells me it is, gdi.)
It sucked! It SUCKED! It was really hot! It’s super steep! Uluru is actively torturing the dumb white tourists and rightfully so! I was a big whiny baby about it, hopefully decreasing the enjoyment of other tourists around me! Definitely decreasing the enjoyment of my parents!
Anyway, there’s a point at the end of the chain fence where it levels out, to trick you. I told my parents “I will wait here.”
“Come on,” they said, “we’re almost to the middle of the rock, where it’s highest.”
“That’s cool for the rock, I am high enough,” I said.
At this point a (white male) tourist sticks his head in our conversation. “It’s really easy from here on out,” he lied to my 12 year old face. “Nothing but gentle rolling slopes.”
The top of Uluru is like…you know what a soundwave looks like? Like that. And I imagine if it was ever transcribed into music, it would be singing the song of “get these fuckin white people off of meeee.”
There was nothing “gentle” or “rolling” or “slopes” about it. Imagine scooting down a steep rock on your butt for five feet near-straight drop, then immediately scrabbling up the same height by your fingers. For a million miles.
I was not….quiet…about my feelings.
The “top” is just a metal plaque someone put where they probably decided to give up. -50/10.
Do not climb Uluru. A) because it holds boundless cultural significance to Anangu, B) they have asked you nicely not to do it, C) there is no reason at all for you to climb it that can be more important than A), and D) it was a personal hassle to me, a 12 year old.